by MeredithNMills | Sep 30, 2015 | Uncategorized
The secret is out. This is the real me.
A few weeks ago, we joined a homeschool co-op. I prepped my kids ahead of time…reminding them to be friendly, to be interested in others, to introduce themselves. You know, basic friend-making stuff. But inwardly, I was a bit anxious myself. I’m not naturally outgoing. Being the first to introduce myself is not exactly in my comfort zone. I, too, was hoping to make connections that would lead to new friendships.
I guess I was hoping to impress people, to make them like me.
You can imagine my embarrassment when, at the end of the first day, I had to search for my misplaced phone. I found it in the office. Assuming someone had turned it in, I asked where it had been found. The sweet lady gave me a puzzled look and told me it had been sitting on the desk all morning. Only then did I remember that I had come to the office first thing that morning in search of name tags. Hmmm….well, she’s not going to think of me as the most organized person in the group.
But really, it wasn’t that big of a deal. Anyone can misplace their phone. (I just happen to do it all the time!)
However, when this same person locks her keys in the car the very next week…Well, the secret is out. This is the real me.
I spent nearly the entire final period in the parking lot waiting for a locksmith. The locksmith, of course, showed up in a huge conspicuous tow truck, just as classes were letting out and people were coming to their cars. He was a jolly fellow – asked how my day was going, as if locking oneself out of one’s car adds humor and excitement to the day.
I guess I should have smiled about it, laughed it off. But I was too worried about what people were thinking.
Ah, people pleasing. I know it well.
It can be paralyzing at times. I spend so much time trying to keep everyone happy. I work hard to make people think well of me – even when it means hiding my quirks and imperfections.
It’s an exhausting way to live, and God is teaching me that we were never designed to live this way.
Can I share with you what I’m learning? Because maybe, just maybe, I’m not alone in this people-pleasing craziness.
First, a person’s value lies not in what we do (or don’t do), but in who we are. Our Maker says we are “remarkably and wonderfully made” (Ps 139:14 HCSB). We bear the image of God (Gen 1:26-27). We are infinitely loved and valued – not because of our own merit or loveliness, but because God has set His love upon us (Eph 2:4-5).
Second, we all have emotional needs that God alone can satisfy. The longing for acceptance is a God-given desire. Its purpose is to lead us to Him. When we look to Him in faith, we find that we are relentlessly adored, unconditionally accepted, and even greatly liked – quirks and all. (See Hos 2:14-19, Eph 3:12, Zeph 3:17.) On the other hand, looking to people to meet this need will lead to disappointment and conflict.
Third, another person’s opinion does not define us. This may seem obvious, but I have many times internalized a rejection (real or perceived), as if it were true of me. When our identity is built on who God says we are, we can come back to that reality every time we begin to feel otherwise.
Finally, true friendships are based on transparency and acceptance. If we keep our shortcomings hidden, the relationship will not be genuine. We’ll wear ourselves out trying to keep up the charade.
This is, of course, not a “blanket excuse” for hurtful behavior. We shouldn’t excuse sin or selfishness under the guise of “just being myself.” In living authentically, we should never lose sight of grace.
But oh, the freedom of walking confidently in faith. When those shackles of fear start to fall off – what a glorious new beginning! It’s taking place in my life. How about you? How has God helped you overcome people-pleasing? I’d love to learn from your journey!
“This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel says, ‘In repentance and rest is your salvation. In quietness and trust is your strength…’” (Is 30:15).
by MeredithNMills | Feb 25, 2015 | Uncategorized
“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble” Ps 46:1.
What comes to mind when you hear the word refuge?
I think of a photograph I’ve seen of a lighthouse at the end of a pier. Waves are crashing around the structure, nearly engulfing it. But the lighthouse stands firm. The waves can batter it. The storms can rage. But it remains a safe, secure and stable hiding spot for anyone inside.
We all face various types of storms. Sometimes we bring them on ourselves. Sometimes they overtake us. Sometimes they are brought upon us by others…Trials. Suffering. Hurts. Disappointments. Betrayal. Where do you run when these things threaten to engulf you?
According to this verse, God is our safe hiding spot. He is our refuge.
He is our strength when we have none left of our own. Or when we just realize that ours is insufficient. He delights in lovingly displaying His strength in our weakness. “But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness…'” (2 Cor. 12:9a).
I love the next phrase in Ps. 46:10 – “a very present help in trouble.” He is so there for me. He’s abundantly present. Exceedingly present. The Hebrew word “present” has to do with being “found.” The Holman Christian Standard Bible translates it this way: “a Helper who is always found in times of trouble.” When we seek God, when we run to Him for refuge, He is very “findable.” Jeremiah 29:13 confirms this when it says, “You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.”
Another angle on this subject is found in Isaiah 40:11. “He tends His flock like a shepherd. He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart…” He wants to envelop us in His strong and loving embrace. When we run to Him, He welcomes us. He receives us with arms wide open.
And in that place of refuge, we find unrivaled love and tenderness.
So today, no matter what you are facing, no matter what your past, no matter what burdens or shame or pain you carry, run to Jesus. Seek Him. You will find Him. You will find a secure Refuge and a tender Shepherd.
How has God been a refuge for you?
by MeredithNMills | Jan 14, 2015 | confidence, Uncategorized
“Therefore, no condemnation now exists for those in Christ Jesus” Romans 8:1.
Does the voice of condemnation ever whisper in your heart?
Do you ever feel unacceptable to God?
Recently, as I began praising Him in prayer, I was overwhelmed with a general sense of inadequacy. Thoughts of “You’re not good enough to pray” or “You can’t praise Him!” assaulted my mind. I felt that God wouldn’t receive me or extend love to me until I changed…something, though I wasn’t sure what. Oh, I have plenty of shortcomings, and could always do better at so many things – read my Bible more, pray more, abide in Him more consistently. But were these thoughts of condemnation from Him?
So I began asking Him about this. Does He push us away when we come to Him with genuine outpourings of love and adoration? (It sounds ridiculous to actually put that in writing! But when I stop to think about it, these emotions are frequent visitors in my soul. Just being vulnerable here, people! :-)) I often feel that I have to prove to God (by a good track record) that I’m repentant of sins I’ve confessed to Him before He will be close to me.
Psalm 66:18 says, “If I cherish wickedness in my heart, the Lord will not hear.” For as long as I can remember, this verse has been my constant companion – either at the forefront of my mind, or in my subconscious thoughts when I pray. It has “guided” me for years. I mean, what good is prayer if He won’t hear me? My understanding (or misunderstanding) of this verse has been at the root of my feelings of condemnation and “unacceptable-ness” before God. It has kept me from wanting to pray because, I’ve reasoned, surely there is some sin I’ve missed or forgotten to confess. Crazy thoughts, I know. Maybe I’m the only one to ever feel this way. Probably not.
As I meditated on this verse, I realized that I’ve totally misunderstood it. To “cherish” sin is to see it, enjoy it, hold onto it. Cherishing sin while still trying to walk with God is like trying to serve two masters (Matt 6:24). It’s trying to walk “in the flesh” and “in the Spirit” at the same time (Gal 5:17). It’s hypocrisy. This is a question of my devotion, my allegiance.
According to Ps 66:18, the consequence of cherishing sin is unheeded prayer, not a rejection of the one praying. In John 6:37, Jesus says, “All whom the Father gives (entrusts) to Me will come to me; and the one who comes to Me I will most certainly not cast out. [I will never, no never, reject one of them who comes to Me]” (Amplified Bible). He will “never drive away” (NIV) His own. Never. Not when we come to Him for salvation, or at any future time in the relationship. Cherishing sin will hinder our prayers. But it will not make God reject us.
On the contrary, we are invited to come boldly to His throne of grace when we are in need (Heb 4:16).
Boldness involves “free and fearless confidence, cheerful courage, boldness and assurance.”* This invitation implies full acceptance of the one invited. It recognizes the weakness, the neediness, of the recipient. And, most importantly, it is based on the compassionate understanding of our Mediator, Jesus Christ (Heb 4:15). He gets it. He knows what it’s like to be tempted, to go through tests and trials. But not only can He sympathize, He can empower us to overcome! He was without sin, even in the onslaught of temptation levied by the devil himself. He understands our weakness and has given us the power to be victorious (Eph 1:19-20, 2 Cor 2:14). We can experience that power as we stay connected to Him (Jn 15).
We can’t “clean up our act” before coming to God as Christians, anymore than we could before we were saved. Trying to do so may seem “spiritual,” but it’s really the height of pride. (And while God does not drive away His own, He does resist us when we walk in pride. See James 4:6-8.) We need Him – to convict us of sin, to enable us to see it through His eyes, and to help us turn from it. Our focus must be on Him (Heb 12:2), not on ourselves or our sin. Otherwise, we will live in discouragement. We will shrink away from His presence and will inevitably sin more.
So by all means, run to Jesus!
When you are weak, come to Him for strength. When your heart is hard or complacent, come to Him for healing. When you’re weary, come to Him for rest. When you are lonely, come to Him for companionship. When you are happy, come to Him in gratitude.
Praise Him. Adore Him. Enjoy Him!
If you know Him, come in faith! If you don’t yet know Him, come in faith! He won’t turn you away.
When the voice of condemnation whispers in your soul, press harder into Him. Speak truth to yourself. If you are His, you are redeemed, forgiven, and made holy. Celebrate Him!
Lord, I come. I will praise You, adore You, enjoy You. No, I am not worthy. Only Jesus is worthy. But I am accepted, welcomed, even drawn by the One who died to bring me near (Eph 2:13).
What thoughts hinder you from boldly approaching your Father?
*From the Blue Letter Bible Lexicon
