by MeredithNMills | Aug 15, 2017 | abiding in Christ, freedom, grace, growing in Christ, Identity in Christ, knowing God, Uncategorized, Victorious Living, Waiting, Walking by Faith
“Please don’t let me mess up. Help me not to make a mistake.”
I stood in front of our church congregation, filling in as a member of the worship team. I would be leading out on the next song. My stomach was in knots as I thought through all that could possibly go wrong, things that have gone wrong in the past.
I could forget the words. My voice could crack. I could miss that high note.
Listening to the song’s intro (my heart obviously not worshiping), I realized something quite convicting – I’m quick to admit I’m not perfect. I talk about transparency and the importance of being real, of extending grace in our weaknesses and laughing at our embarrassing moments.
But I don’t like people to see me make mistakes. I want to control which imperfections they observe.
It’s one thing to talk about our mistakes and embarrassments, even our sins, in the past tense. It’s another matter to mess up when people are watching.
For most of my life, I’ve aimed at perfection. It seems a worthy pursuit. Jesus Himself said, “You are to be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Matthew 5:48).
When the Bible uses this word perfect, however, it has the connotation of completeness and maturity.
This term “can be used in a relative or absolute sense…God’s perfection is absolute; man’s is relative reaching the goal set for Him by God with each individual different according to one’s God-given ability.” – Lexical Aids to the New Testament, Key Word Study Bible
God is perfect. He’s sinless and holy. He needs and lacks nothing.
We, His children, on the other hand, are in the process of becoming perfect and mature. We’ve been declared righteous and our sins have been washed away. Yet the Holy Spirit is about the lifelong work of forming Christ in us – and He’s not in a hurry.
True perfection, like all of Christianity, revolves around Jesus, not our own efforts to keep a good image or avoid mistakes. Jesus is our example, as well as our Source of transformation. He uses even our weaknesses to mature us and make us like Christ. (See 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.)
So today, instead of focusing on myself and the image I want to maintain, I choose to rejoice in the work God is doing in my heart, my life and my home.
How about you? How is Jesus perfecting you these days?
Related posts:
The Gardener
Thanksgiving in the Midst of Failure
by MeredithNMills | Sep 30, 2015 | Uncategorized
The secret is out. This is the real me.
A few weeks ago, we joined a homeschool co-op. I prepped my kids ahead of time…reminding them to be friendly, to be interested in others, to introduce themselves. You know, basic friend-making stuff. But inwardly, I was a bit anxious myself. I’m not naturally outgoing. Being the first to introduce myself is not exactly in my comfort zone. I, too, was hoping to make connections that would lead to new friendships.
I guess I was hoping to impress people, to make them like me.
You can imagine my embarrassment when, at the end of the first day, I had to search for my misplaced phone. I found it in the office. Assuming someone had turned it in, I asked where it had been found. The sweet lady gave me a puzzled look and told me it had been sitting on the desk all morning. Only then did I remember that I had come to the office first thing that morning in search of name tags. Hmmm….well, she’s not going to think of me as the most organized person in the group.
But really, it wasn’t that big of a deal. Anyone can misplace their phone. (I just happen to do it all the time!)
However, when this same person locks her keys in the car the very next week…Well, the secret is out. This is the real me.
I spent nearly the entire final period in the parking lot waiting for a locksmith. The locksmith, of course, showed up in a huge conspicuous tow truck, just as classes were letting out and people were coming to their cars. He was a jolly fellow – asked how my day was going, as if locking oneself out of one’s car adds humor and excitement to the day.
I guess I should have smiled about it, laughed it off. But I was too worried about what people were thinking.
Ah, people pleasing. I know it well.
It can be paralyzing at times. I spend so much time trying to keep everyone happy. I work hard to make people think well of me – even when it means hiding my quirks and imperfections.
It’s an exhausting way to live, and God is teaching me that we were never designed to live this way.
Can I share with you what I’m learning? Because maybe, just maybe, I’m not alone in this people-pleasing craziness.
First, a person’s value lies not in what we do (or don’t do), but in who we are. Our Maker says we are “remarkably and wonderfully made” (Ps 139:14 HCSB). We bear the image of God (Gen 1:26-27). We are infinitely loved and valued – not because of our own merit or loveliness, but because God has set His love upon us (Eph 2:4-5).
Second, we all have emotional needs that God alone can satisfy. The longing for acceptance is a God-given desire. Its purpose is to lead us to Him. When we look to Him in faith, we find that we are relentlessly adored, unconditionally accepted, and even greatly liked – quirks and all. (See Hos 2:14-19, Eph 3:12, Zeph 3:17.) On the other hand, looking to people to meet this need will lead to disappointment and conflict.
Third, another person’s opinion does not define us. This may seem obvious, but I have many times internalized a rejection (real or perceived), as if it were true of me. When our identity is built on who God says we are, we can come back to that reality every time we begin to feel otherwise.
Finally, true friendships are based on transparency and acceptance. If we keep our shortcomings hidden, the relationship will not be genuine. We’ll wear ourselves out trying to keep up the charade.
This is, of course, not a “blanket excuse” for hurtful behavior. We shouldn’t excuse sin or selfishness under the guise of “just being myself.” In living authentically, we should never lose sight of grace.
But oh, the freedom of walking confidently in faith. When those shackles of fear start to fall off – what a glorious new beginning! It’s taking place in my life. How about you? How has God helped you overcome people-pleasing? I’d love to learn from your journey!
“This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel says, ‘In repentance and rest is your salvation. In quietness and trust is your strength…’” (Is 30:15).
by MeredithNMills | Apr 19, 2015 | Uncategorized
I will never forget the excitement of watching my babies learn to walk. Even knowing the drastic changes that come with a mobile baby, I still coaxed and bribed and urged them to try. And when they took that first step, and those wobbly next few steps, I cheered them on with heartfelt exuberance. Even now, I thrill at the new life “steps” they take…starting school, learning to swim, picking up a new instrument. The going is slow, but there’s value in the process. Never in my wildest dreams would I scold or punish them for falling down as they learn to walk. It wouldn’t cross my mind to reprimand, “Well, that was pretty good, but I really expected something from Chopin, not ‘Row, Row, Row Your Boat.'”
Why then, do I suppose God is disappointed with my feeble, faltering attempts to love and follow Him? Why do I see a frowning countenance in my mind’s eye when I think of how my heavenly Father views me? Do I forget that Jesus has a sympathetic heart toward me (Heb 4:15-16)? He knows what it’s like to be human, to be weak, tired, and angry. He knows how it feels to have given to everyone else and not even have time for Himself (Mark 6:31-32). And though He never did, He knows I will sometimes fail (Rom 7:19).
So when I fall down, what is God’s response? Am I a failure in His eyes? Does He expect me to strengthen my resolve and pull myself back up so I can prove to Him I’ll do better next time? I don’t think so. I think He’s there to pick me up, brush me off, and set me on my feet again. In other words, I think this is really all about Him, not me. It is God who works in me, causing my heart and life to line up with who He is (Phil 2:13).
He is forming Christ in me (Gal 4:19). It’s a process. And He is just as concerned with the process as He is with the final product. If His plan was for me to be perfect and sinless now, He would have completely removed my flesh (Rom 7:18-20), or just taken me to heaven once He saved me. The fact that He didn’t do those things is proof to me that this wrestling, this “two steps forward one step back,” is part of His overarching work. It’s how I learn to depend on Him, to live relating to Him rather than independently.
Yes, He wants me to live in victory over sin – He purchased it for me with His blood! He desires for me to choose to follow Him out of a heart of love and worship. But He also wants me to know that I am loved and accepted even when I don’t. He wants me to know that His approval of me is based on Jesus’ righteousness, not mine. My righteousness didn’t earn my salvation, nor will it earn His favor now. He is pleased when He sees Christ being formed in me. He is pleased when, through His Spirit in me, I resist temptation. He is also pleased when, through His Spirit in me, I cry out for help from the mire I’ve fallen back into.
And that, my friend, is my new definition of success. Cooperating with Him as He forms Jesus in me. Learning from Him. Surrendering to His leading. Letting Him express Himself through me. Progress, not perfection.
So what does this look like in my daily life? Maybe it means a day spent fighting for joy, instead of surrendering to discouragement or weariness, is a day well spent. Maybe it means time spent with my kids is not wasted, though the house is a mess and we picked up pizza for dinner. Maybe it means doing a “home date” with hubby once the kids are in bed is the better choice, rather than “doing something productive.” Maybe it means that just getting one room cleaned (and being okay with the fact that it will be messy tomorrow!) is good enough. Maybe it means He’s pleased when I walk with Him through the day, even when I couldn’t drag myself out of bed for a long “quiet time.”
Ultimately, success may not always look like success to us. Our hearts may condemn us as failures. But God is greater than our hearts (1 Jn 3:20). He has declared that there is no condemnation for those of us who are “in Christ” (Rom 8:1). When our hearts, or the opinions of others, declare us to be failures, we would do well to consider these questions: Whose approval am I defined by (Col 2:13-14)? Is my life centered upon Jesus (1 Cor 3:11)? Am I progressively becoming more like Christ? (Rom 8:29). These things lie at the heart of true success. They make all the difference in God’s eyes.
The apostle Paul was a highly successful Israelite religious leader. But a life-altering encounter with Jesus changed his definition of success. He gave up everything, was imprisoned for Christ, and ultimately died as a martyr. Not too successful, humanly speaking. But this was his testimony. “…I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith” (Phil 3:8-9).
So what’s your definition of success? Please feel free to comment – I’d love to hear your thoughts!
