7 Ways to Help a Hurting Friend Without Spiritually Bypassing Them

7 Ways to Help a Hurting Friend Without Spiritually Bypassing Them

“God, you’ve been so good to me.”

The lyrics to the church worship song fell flat on my heavy heart. With my mind, I trust in the goodness of God — it’s one of my deepest core beliefs. But that day, my emotions were a tangled mess of confusion, grief, and anger as I walked through a very painful season.

“God, this doesn’t feel good. I’m struggling to sing these words today.” I wanted to keep believing he’s good, but clinging to hope when the future looked bleak took some serious wrestling with God.

Hold it together. Don’t bawl in front of everyone. You did that last week, surely you can keep your composure this week. I wish I had a tissue.

Suddenly, I felt a friend standing next to me. She put her arm around my shoulder and pulled me into a welcomed hug. From where she sat two rows behind me, she’d noticed my struggle. Maybe it was the way I kept dabbing at my eyes as I tried to be discreet. Maybe it was my hunched shoulders, tense with bottled-up emotions. Somehow, she noticed me hurting and didn’t want me to stand there alone.

A minute later, a second friend put her arm around me from the other side. Then I felt a hand on my back from someone in the row behind me.

The dam broke. The tears flowed. Sobs shook my body. And my friends stayed right by my side. They didn’t care that I fell apart. They just wanted me to know I wasn’t alone.

As we stood there, God’s Spirit whispered silently to my soul. do love you, even though circumstances are hard. I am good, even when life is not. You’re surrounded by mercy.

And quite literally, I was.

As someone whose story is riddled with religious trauma, leaning into church life can be a challenge for me. But through this beautiful community we call our church home, I’m learning how God invites us to walk together through suffering.

Beware of Spiritual Bypassing

One of the greatest hindrances to helping our hurting friends is the practice of spiritual bypassing. Psychotherapist Dr. Alison Cook explains that spiritual bypassing is “using spiritual concepts, platitudes, or spiritual language to bypass or over-spiritualize the real struggles that we face.” It shortcuts the deep work God wants to do in our hearts by offering a quick-fix, a mind-over-matter solution, a focus on performance rather than a process of inner renewal.

Regrettably, I’ve been guilty of spiritual bypassing on many occasions. In response to someone’s painful story, I’ve quoted Bible verses, offered simplistic solutions, or evaded my own discomfort by promising to pray for them, then walking away. (And I may or may not have remembered to pray.) Sometimes I’ve even patted myself on the back afterwards, congratulating myself for “sharing the truth.”

In reality, though, my help was not helpful.

In a previous article, we looked at ways spiritual bypassing harms people — misrepresenting God’s heart, hindering authentic connection, causing us to feel unknown, and ignoring the whole person. In that article, we explored how to avoid this on a personal level. Today, let’s focus on the broader picture of avoiding spiritual bypassing in our communities.  

 For seven ways we can offer life-giving support, hop over to Bible Study Tools.

5 Comforting Prayers for When Your Faith is Slipping

5 Comforting Prayers for When Your Faith is Slipping

Why should I keep following God when he isn’t answering my prayers?

The unspoken question haunted me. I wished I didn’t feel this way. I told myself I should just keep trusting. For all my trying, though, the uncertainty continued. And with it, accusations against God’s character chipped away at my faith.

God doesn’t really care about you.

He’ll never answer your prayers.

He probably isn’t trustworthy.

With gentleness and grace, God drew near, reminding me he already knew my thoughts. He invited me to bring them into the open. Voice the feelings. Verbalize the doubts. Lay bare my soul before the One who sees me as I am and loves me.

So, I did. 

As I poured out my disillusionment and admitted what my head was saying about his heart, I found myself on holy ground. He met me there in a deeply personal way. Rather than bypassing my pain or scolding my lack of faith, he received my questions. With his still, small voice, he asked me a question in return, the same question he’d asked Peter in John 6:67, “Do you want to walk away?”

As I pondered his question, I found myself answering as Peter did, “Where would I go? You have the words of life” (v 68). I remembered the history we’ve shared — how he delivered me from a food addiction as a teenager, how he healed my broken heart as a young adult. I’d tasted of his goodness. I’d experienced his grace. He was as real to me as the people in my own family.

No, I didn’t want to walk away. Despite the pain in my soul, even though he had yet to answer my prayers, he was still the same God. Still loving. Still powerful. Still for me and worthy of my trust. 

I left that encounter a different person, not because my circumstances had changed or because he’d promised me they would. On the contrary, he gave me himself. He let me experience his open-hearted welcome, his understanding, and his soul-mending grace. 

When our faith is slipping, God offers to be our firm foundation (Isaiah 33:6). He stands ready with open arms to receive us in our brokenness, eager to welcome us home (Luke 15:20). He’ll never reject those who come to him (John 6:37).

If you find yourself in a similar spot, I invite you to make space to pour out your heart before God. 

Preparing to Pray

In Genesis 3, God asked Adam and Eve a probing question as they hid from him in the Garden. “But the LORD God called to the man, ‘Where are you?’” (v. 9). With this inquiry, the Creator beckoned them out of the shadows and into his presence. God invites us, too, to ponder the state of our souls. 

As you prepare to meet with him, consider the following suggestions:

Go to a quiet place

As a mom with three kids, I know the challenge of finding a spot where I can be alone. This may take some planning and creativity, but if possible, find a location where it’s just you and God. 

Turn toward God

I’m so used to living busy that it takes intentionality to be still and turn my soul heavenward. Taking a physical posture can help: kneeling, looking up, raising our hands. Listening to music or being in nature can also focus our hearts on God.

Pay attention to your body

When I press pause and listen to my body, I often recognize emotions I hadn’t yet acknowledged. I notice tense muscles. I sense shallow breathing. I discover my jaw is clenched. These physical reactions provide clues to what’s going on in my soul. God wants to meet with us on this level — at the core of our being, helping us understand what we’re feeling and why, revealing his heart and mending ours along the way.

Pray in ways you personally connect with God

My favorite way to pray is with journal and pen in hand. I love writing out my thoughts and recording what I sense God’s Spirit saying in my heart. I also enjoy prayer walking, especially when I’m experiencing big emotions. How do you most easily connect with God? If you’re not sure, try different methods and see what works best for you.

Here are five prayers to guide you in times of faith crisis.

5 Prayers for When Your Faith Is Slipping

1. When You Have No Words

“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness, for we do not know how we should pray, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with inexpressible groanings” (Romans 8:26).

Lord, there’s so much simmering inside me right now, I’m not even sure how to pray. You see what’s going on in my heart. You understand my situation more clearly than I do. How do you want me to pray?

God may impress a specific request or direction for prayer on your heart. If so, talk with him about this. If not, take comfort in knowing his Spirit is praying on your behalf.

You can also use the Psalms as a springboard for your prayers, personalizing them as if you were the one penning them. For example, based on Psalm 23, I would pray something like this: 

Lord, you are my Shepherd, the One who meets my needs. Please feed my soul and give my heart rest. Make me like a sheep grazing in open pasture beside a quiet brook. Renew my strength and guide me. I want to honor you. Right now, Lord, I feel like I’m walking through a dark valley. Please silence the fear clawing at my soul. Help me sense your nearness. Protect, comfort, and care for me. Thank you for your ever-present goodness and mercy. Please quiet my heart with your love.

2. When Emotions, Questions, and Doubts Overwhelm

“Pour out your hearts before him! God is our shelter!” (Psalm 62:8b).

God, I feel __________ (list your emotions.) Please help me understand these emotions and why I’m feeling them. Show me what’s going on beneath the surface. I don’t understand __________ (list your questions.) Help me see my situation from your perspective. I’m struggling to believe __________ (list your doubts about his character or his Word.) Reveal the facet of your character I most need to experience right now. Thank you for receiving me, for not pushing me away to fix my own problems.

The Bible describes God as siting on “the throne of grace” (Hebrews 4:16). Jesus threw open the door to his presence and he beckons the needy to draw near (Mark 15:37-38). We can approach him with confidence, knowing he wants to listen to our hearts and reveal his. 

3. When You Need God to Intervene

“Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life” (Philippians 4:6, The Message).

Lord, you are a kind Father who wants to give good gifts to your children. I have some pretty big needs right now. I ask you to work in my heart (Romans 12:2).  Where there’s doubt, give me faith. Where there’s anger, grant me forgiveness. Where there’s anxiety, let me know your peace. Where there’s disillusionment, impart hope. Where there’s brokenness, bring your healing.

Please work in my circumstances, too. I need you to move__________ (list your specific requests). Provide for my needs. Reconcile wounded relationships. Allow me to experience both your mighty power and your tender care (2 Chronicles 16:9Psalm 139:3).

When Jesus instructs us to ask, seek, and knock, he bases this invitation on the generous heart of our Father (Matthew 7:7-11). When he tells us not to worry, he reasons that our Father wants to take care of us (Matthew 6:25-34). Because our God loves us, we can ask him for whatever we need.

4. When You Feel Alone

“A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:12). 

Father, I pray for community. Please surround me with people who can help bear the burdens I’m carrying (Galatians 6:2). Send people into my life who’ve walked a similar path. Use your children to speak grace and truth into my circumstances.  Provide healers to help me walk toward wholeness. Give me vision for how I’ll be able to do the same for others.

God works relationally, often through the hands and feet of his people. Those who’ve met God in their own struggles are equipped to help others meet him there, too. Ask God to show you how you can seek out this kind of community.

5. When You’re Choosing to Trust

“Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God” (Psalm 42:5).

Thank you, God, for welcoming me as I am. Thank you for how you’ve met with me in my struggle. I long for you to change my circumstances, but I choose to believe you’re trustworthy, even if you don’t answer the way I’m asking you to. “I do believe! Help me overcome my unbelief” (Mark 9:24). 

When our faith is fragile, God beckons us close. He invites us to process what we’re thinking and feeling with him, to experience his nearness, and to allow him to heal and strengthen our souls. 

This post originally appeared at Bible Study Tools on 11/05/2024.

What’s So Good About the Gospel?

If you ask ten people to define the gospel, you’ll likely get ten different answers. Over time and through frequency of use, the word gospel has lost much of its meaning. As Christians, we know it has to do with salvation. We accepted the gospel when we came to faith in Jesus, and we’re supposed to share the gospel with others.

Yet how can we share what we don’t clearly understand? What does the Bible really teach about the gospel?

What Is the Gospel?

Many gospel conversations focus on life after death: All have sinned. Sin separates us from God. Jesus died to save us from hell and make heaven possible for those who believe in him.

But what if this is only part of the gospel story?

What if the gospel is more than a ticket to heaven after we die? What if it’s just as relevant to current believers as it is to those who don’t yet know Jesus?

In the New Testament, the Greek word for gospel is euangelion (or euangelizo when used as a verb). It’s basic meaning is “good news.” This word occurs 130 times in the New Testament, always centering on the story of Jesus and what he accomplished through his life, death, and resurrection.

While it’s definitely good news that Jesus’ sacrifice made a way for us to go to heaven, a closer study of Scripture paints a bigger picture than simply a better life someday. The word gospel didn’t originate in the New Testament with the advent of Jesus. When the apostles wrote about this good news, they built upon the entire Biblical narrative:

  • God created a good world in which humans ruled as his representatives, living in harmony with him, with each other, and with creation (Genesis 1:31).
  • Humanity rejected God as their King, ushering in the curse of sin and death and all the brokenness we see in our world (Genesis 3Romans 5:12).
  • God, in relentless love, promised to send a Deliverer who would rescue humanity, redeem creation, and reestablish his kingdom on earth (Genesis 3:15Isaiah 9:1-7).
  • God chose Abraham to be the father of the Israelite people. Through him, God showed us the supreme value of faith (Genesis 12:1-3Galatians 3:6-7).
  • God called Israel to be his people, to model what it looks like to live with God as King. Like the first humans, though, they rejected him repeatedly (Leviticus 26:121 Samuel 8:7).
  • Israel’s prophets spent hundreds of years foretelling the coming of a new King, echoing God’s original promise of a Deliverer. He would come, they said, as a descendant of Abraham. Through him, all the nations of the world would be blessed. The prophet Isaiah describes the mission this Deliverer would fulfill:

“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me,
for the Lord has anointed me
to bring good news [i.e. the gospel] to the poor.

He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted
and to proclaim that captives will be released
and prisoners will be freed.

He has sent me to tell those who mourn
that the time of the Lord’s favor has come,
and with it, the day of God’s anger against their enemies.

To all who mourn in Israel,
he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,
a joyous blessing instead of mourning,
festive praise instead of despair.

In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks
that the Lord has planted for his own glory” (Isaiah 61:1-3, NLT).

Building on this backstory, New Testament writers proclaimed the good news that Jesus is the promised Deliverer — the one we’ve been awaiting since God’s very first promise in the Garden of Eden.

The Bible Project explains that in the Old Testament, “The ‘good news’ is connected to the victory of a king, or to the enthronement of a king over his kingdom.” This was precisely how New Testament writers used the term. To them, the gospel was a royal announcement (Matthew 24:14).

Jesus’ arrival initiated the Kingdom of God.

Why Is the Gospel of the Kingdom Good News?

Jesus used Isaiah’s words (above) to describe what he came to do as humanity’s rightful King (Luke 4:16-21). Through his earthly ministry, he revealed what the kingdom of God looks like as he healed sickness, banished demons with a word, and conquered death through his own resurrection.

He showed us that in his kingdom, leaders wash the feet of their followers. Mercy triumphs over judgment and faith counts as righteousness. The first are last and peacemakers are the true children of God. The hungry are filled, the broken healed, and the humble inherit the kingdom.

Jesus entered the domain of darkness to set up his kingdom of light. And where Jesus reigns, the curse is undone.

The gospel of the kingdom is good news because it tells us that earth has a new King, one who invites us to join his kingdom through faith in his life, death, and resurrection.

Who Is This Good News For?

While the gospel is good news for those who don’t yet know Jesus, it’s also good news for those of us who follow him. Far more than a heavenly home someday, the gospel enables us to begin enjoying our inheritance right now. Because of the gospel, we have:

Peace with God

The “gospel of peace” (Ephesians 6:15) reconciles us to the Father. No longer are we at odds with him, separated by our sin. He is for us. He welcomes us to approach him boldly. He relates to us as beloved children.

“Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory” (Romans 5:1-2, emphasis added).

A New Identity

The gospel redefines us. We are “no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household” (Ephesians 2:19). Jesus is King and we are his chosen people.

“So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority” (Colossians 2:10).

Ongoing Salvation

While we have been saved from the penalty of sin, and we will someday be saved from the presence of sin (Romans 5:9-11), the Bible tells us we are also being saved from the control of sin in our lives. As we acknowledge Jesus’ kingship and participate with his work in and through us, we are changed from the inside out. The gospel itself is the power source for this ongoing renewal and transformation (Romans 1:16).

“The message of the cross is foolish to those who are headed for destruction! But we who are being saved know it is the very power of God” (1 Corinthians 1:18, emphasis added).

Purpose and Calling

As citizens of Christ’s kingdom, we’ve been entrusted with a vital mission — spreading the gospel of the new King and inviting others to join his kingdom, too. In every profession, in any location, this is the call of God for all his kingdom people. Through his Spirit, he equips us to live out this purpose (Acts 1:8).

“…God has given us this task of reconciling people to him. For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation. So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, ‘Come back to God!’ For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ” (2 Corinthians 5:18b-21, NLT).

The Kingdom Is Here Now, but Also Not Yet

If Jesus is reigning now as earth’s rightful King, and if kingdom living looks like freedom for the captives, healing for the blind, and the end of oppression (Isaiah 61), why is the world still so broken?

Theologians use the phrase “already, not yet” to describe the kingdom of God.

Already, Jesus holds the name above all names. He disarmed the spiritual forces of darkness and triumphed over them at the cross. He possesses all authority in heaven and on earth (Philippians 2:5-11Colossians 2:13-15Matthew 28:18).

Already, as citizens of Christ’s kingdom, we have peace with God. By grace through faith, our sins are forgiven. We are joined to Christ in such a way that God sees Jesus’ goodness when he looks at us. We have a new life, a new name, and a new identity. His Spirit lives inside us as our Source of abundant life. Through his ongoing presence, we can learn the ways of the kingdom and the heart of the King, becoming like him as he renews his image in us (Romans 5:11 John 2:122 Corinthians 5:17, 21; John 10:10, 14:26; 2 Corinthians 3:18).

Already, the kingdom of God is here on earth. Instead of looking like armies and thrones we can see, though, this kingdom spreads around the globe by taking root in human hearts. Wherever the gospel goes out and people claim Jesus as their King, the kingdom has come. And where the kingdom comes, so does the power of God (Matthew 12:28Luke 17:20-21).

Sometimes this is visible, as God’s Spirit confirms the gospel message through miracles such as healing, deliverance, and restoration. Other times, though, the renewal is just as invisible as the kingdom itself. This is where the not yet comes into play.

Though Jesus is King and the earth rightly belongs to him, the best is yet to come. For now, we foretaste the realities of the kingdom. Someday, we’ll experience them in full.

Not yet do the powers of darkness bow to Jesus’ authority. An invisible battle still rages in the spiritual realm. People still choose darkness rather than light, selfishness rather than love, brokenness rather than redemption (1 Corinthians 15:24-28Philippians 2:10-11John 3:19).

Not yet do we cease to struggle with sin. We’ve been declared righteous by faith, but we’re still learning to live out this reality as the Spirit changes us from the inside out (Romans 6).

Not yet has God wiped away every tear and removed the things which cause pain (Revelation 21:4).

Not yet is the grave finally destroyed. Sickness still ravages and people still die. When our prayers for healing receive God’s no, we’re reminded we await our full inheritance as kingdom citizens (1 Corinthians 15).

Not yet has the New Heaven come to the New Earth with its life-giving river, its healing tree of life, and its riches beyond our wildest imaginations. Not yet does the King dwell with his people so that we see his face and have no need of the sun or artificial light (Revelation 22:1-6).

The gospel tells us that Jesus is King. His kingdom is here now with its transforming power. Someday it will fully and finally come.

Like springtime in Narnia melting the White Witch’s frigid curse, Christ’s Kingdom has arrived to make all things new. As the hymn writer aptly put it,

“Though the wrong seems oft so strong,
God is the Ruler Yet.

This is my Father’s world:
Why should my heart be sad?
The Lord is King: let the heavens ring!
God reigns; let earth be glad!”

This post originally appeared on Bible Study Tools, May 1, 2024:

https://www.biblestudytools.com/bible-study/topical-studies/whats-so-good-about-the-gospel.html

7 Qualities of a Peacemaker

How can Christians promote peace in a world filled with conflict? What qualities characterize those who work for harmony and reconciliation?

The theme of peace weaves through Scripture like a golden thread. Jesus left his disciples with the promise of peace (John 14:27). Ephesians describes the good news of our faith as “the gospel of peace” (6:15) and God calls Christians to “live in peace” (2 Corinthians 13:11).

But what is this peace the Bible describes? Is it the absence of hardship or avoidance of conflict? Can everyday Christians experience it, or is it reserved for a few “super saints?”

What Is Biblical Peace?

God’s concept of peace far exceeds pleasant life circumstances. The Engedi Resource Center explains, “We tend to understand it as the absence of war or as calmness of spirit. But along with these ideas, the Hebrew word shalom also carries a greater connotation of well-being, health, safety, prosperity, wholeness, and completeness.”

Like a puzzle with all its pieces in place, shalom means things line up with their intended design. A peacemaker, then, is someone who works to restore what is broken or incomplete — especially in the context of relationships.

Jesus is the ultimate peacemaker. Isaiah prophesied of the coming Messiah as the Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6) and Ephesians 2:14 tells us Jesus is our peace. His life, death, and resurrection made reconciliation with the Father possible for all who come to him in faith (Romans 5:10). Engedi clarifies, “This is the Hebraic understanding of salvation, not just that we will go to heaven when we die, but that we have an unbroken, loving relationship with God here on earth.”

Biblical peace, then, is rooted in our peace with God — beginning at salvation and growing through our ongoing connection with him. According to Jesus, we can experience this inner rest even in times of trouble and pain.  “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).

7 Qualities of a Peacemaker

1. Secure Identity

Since we have peace with God through Jesus, we can experience a growing peace with ourselves — regardless of our past mistakes, our current struggles, or the opinions of others. 

He’s given us a new identity:

– Well-loved children (1 John 3:1)

– Wanted family members (Romans 8:15-16)

– New creations (2 Corinthians 5:17)

– His masterpieces (Ephesians 2:10)

– Friends of God (John 15:15)

– Citizens of his kingdom (Ephesians 2:19)

– Ambassadors of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:20)

– People who are being transformed (Philippians 1:6)

He’s lavished us with good gifts:

– Reconciliation with God (2 Corinthians 5:18)

– His indwelling Spirit (Romans 5:5)

– Confident access to his heart (Hebrews 10:19-23)

– Abundant favor (John 1:16)

– Forgiveness (Ephesians 1:7)

– His goodness credited to us (2 Corinthians 5:21)

– Loving care for our needs (Matthew 6: 25-34)

– Provision to live out our callings (2 Peter 1:3)

– Wisdom learned through relating to Christ (Colossians 2:2-3)

This describes our identity as God’s children — regardless of what our emotions or other people tell us. As his acceptance takes root and we learn to own our God-given identity, we can extend his peace to others. We can live loved instead of needy, at rest instead of striving, secure instead of desperate for others’ approval. 

When our hearts are at peace, we’re free to live as peacemakers.

2. Welcoming Attitude

A welcoming heart forms the core of peacemaking. In Romans 14, God tells us how to relate with Christians who practice their faith differently from us — with acceptanceBlue Letter Bible explains that acceptance involves extending friendship and granting access to one’s heart. It’s like leaving the door unlocked so our friends can walk on in. It’s the kind of welcome that’s easy to offer those who are like us, but hard to extend to those who are different. 

And yet, because God has accepted us, we’re called to welcome others in the same way (Romans 14:3).

To live as peacemakers, we must understand how God welcomes us, because when we live accepted, we have acceptance to give others. This welcoming heart equips us to promote peace in our relationships. It helps us communicate with curiosity and a desire to understand. It teaches us to cultivate healthy conversations where people feel heard and not shut down — even around subjects where we disagree.

3. Intentional Purpose

In Luke 1:78-79, we read that Jesus guides our feet into the path of peace. To guide, as Blue Letter Bible says, involves removing any hindrances which block the path toward someone. Jesus took away the obstacles which stood between us and God. He paid for our sin and purchased our freedom so we could draw near to the God of peace (Ephesians 3:12).

As his followers, we have the privilege of guiding people to God, too. “All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation” (2 Corinthians 5:18). When we help people overcome the obstacles blocking their path toward God (both non-Christians and believers), we are living as peacemakers. 

4. Humble Heart

Humility shows up repeatedly in Bible passages talking about Christian unity. (See Romans 12:3-18Ephesians 4:1-3Philippians 2:1-11 for starters.) Often misunderstood, humility isn’t self-deprecation or self-hatred. On the contrary, humility holds an accurate opinion of oneself. Romans 12:3 instructs, “Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us.”

Jesus used humility to describe himself (Matthew 11:28-30). Philippians 2:6-8 shows what this looked like in his life. He knew his divinity but chose not to “use it to his advantage” (Philippians 2:6-11). Instead of holding himself aloof, he became one of us. He served in both menial and miraculous ways as he brought his peace to earth.

When we, like Jesus, are secure in our God-given identity, we can love, honor, and serve others from a heart of humility. We’re free to work for peace, regardless of the response we may receive.

5. Healthy Boundaries

We can only love well, however, when we maintain healthy personal boundaries. Jesus modeled boundary setting as he lived for his Father’s pleasure alone. He prioritized secluded time in prayer. He didn’t heal every sick person in Israel, and he didn’t allow the crowds to dictate how he conducted his ministry. Through his example, we see that healthy boundary setting is rooted in obedience to God (John 5:19,30; 8:28).

Knowing our limitations, being committed to God’s call on our lives, respecting ourselves as images bearers of God – these essential choices help preserve the peace of our own souls. Only when our hearts are at rest can we live as effective peacemakers.

This takes deep reliance on God’s Spirit to help us discern when to sacrifice and when to say no. As we learn to live for his pleasure, graciously refusing to be controlled by others’ expectations, we’ll have his peace to extend to others.

6. Life-Giving Speech

“The tongue has the power of life and death,” Proverbs 18:21 reminds us. As peacemakers, life-giving speech forms a crucial aspect of our calling. Through our words, we can help others find peace with God and live in harmony with each other. 

What does this look like? It’s seen when we’re slow to argue (2 Timothy 2:23-24). It shows up as we prioritize listening and understanding, with an aim toward harmony (Romans 14:19James 1:19). It leads us to respect and honor one another (Romans 12:101 Peter 3:15). It helps us to pursue justice, to love mercy, and to walk in humility (Micah 6:8). It marks our speech with kindness and truth (Proverbs 3:3, NASB). 

All these actions come from the empowering, transforming presence of God’s Spirit within us. As we live connected to the Prince of Peace, he forms his character in our hearts, giving us peacemaking words to share with others.

7. Doing What We Can

Romans 12:18 reminds us that ultimately, making peace is bigger than our personal choices: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Peacemaking always involves more than one party. Just as it takes two or more to disagree, it takes two or more to create harmony. God calls us to do our part — to extend welcome and work for peace, to walk in humility, set healthy boundaries, and speak in life-giving ways. 

Sometimes, though, others are unwilling or unable to meet us in a place of peace. In these situations, we can rest, knowing we’ve done what we can. We can pray for harmony, wholeness, and restored relationships, and then entrust our circumstances to the God of peace.

Peacekeeping or Peacemaking?

Keeping the peace and living as peacemakers are two very different lifestyles. 

Keeping the peace looks like avoiding conflict, dodging hard conversations, or ignoring broken situations. It sacrifices healing for surface happiness and often leads to shallow friendships and the absence of real connection. 

True peacemaking, however, prioritizes God’s kind of peace (Romans 14:17-19). Peace rooted in restoration with God. Peace that promotes wholeness. Peace that mends and leads to flourishing.

As we walk with God, he’ll teach us to discern the difference and show us how to work for his kind of peace.

When Life Isn’t Peaceful

Even though we’ve been reconciled to God, enjoy a new identity, and are equipped to spread his peace, sometimes our own hearts are in turmoil. How do we live as peacemakers when difficult seasons overwhelm us? When circumstances break our hearts? When we or others set in motion events that cause deep brokenness? 

The Psalms are full of raw prayers from people wrestling with similar questions. David cried out, “My soul is in deep anguish. How long, Lord, how long?” (Psalm 6:3). The sons of Korah wrote, “My tears have been my food day and night, while people say to me all day long, ‘Where is your God?’” (Psalm 42:3). 

Right now, we live in the space between the cross and Jesus’ return. He’s building his kingdom in hearts around the globe. He’s restoring and mending and making things new. But life here is still broken. Creation still groans. Humans still wound one another. Sickness and death still invade without warning.

Jesus’ promise of peace beckons us back to the Prince of Peace. He calls us to bring our authentic selves — pouring out the thoughts and emotions, the questions and doubts, the anxiety and agony raging in our souls. This honest place can be holy ground as we can experience Immanuel — God with us — in the middle of our pain (Psalm 116:7Hebrews 4:16). 

Psalm 42 gives a beautiful example of the psalmist processing his inner turmoil in God’s presence. He acknowledges his pain to the Lord (verses 3, 9-10). He asks himself probing questions (verse 5a, 11a). He remembers God — who God has been for him, and the love God has lavished on him (verse 6-8). And as the psalmist pours out his heart, hope once again takes root in his soul (verse 5b, 11b).

As we allow God to care for us in the deepest part of our being, mending our brokenness and forming his character in our lives, we’ll experience growing peace in our souls. This peace in us will overflow through us, equipping us to bring his peace to our everyday spaces.

This article originally appeared on Bible Study Tools, 02/19/2024:

https://www.biblestudytools.com/slideshows/7-undeniable-qualities-of-a-peacemaker.html

Camouflaged Blessings

Camouflaged Blessings

My son loves to wear camouflage.

He’s never been hunting a day in his life, but he dreams that someday he will go. Recently, he told his daddy he wishes they could go moose hunting in Alaska. (I mean, why not start big?)

We’re city people so when my boy wears his camo, it’s more for fashion than functionality. He loves the style, and I love him for it. For many people, though, camouflage has very practical purposes, providing the element of disguise and preventing the person from being seen.

As I type these words, we’re several weeks into a statewide lockdown due to the spread of the coronavirus. My husband has been off work for the past three weeks. And as a family, we’re each dealing with various emotions and grieving significant disappointments.

For us, this is a time of weakness.

We can’t predict what tomorrow holds. Any semblance of control has been stripped away. We trust that God will give us our daily bread (Matthew 6:11), but if I’m being honest, I like the idea of monthly bread better. I prefer a stocked pantry and a sufficient bank account.

I don’t like this emotional roller coaster of the what-ifs that so often invade my mind. Yet repeatedly during these days, God impresses on my heart that it’s good to be in need.

These are camouflaged blessings, these weaknesses which remind us we need God.

Paul understood this reality when he declared, [God] said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ can work through me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9, NLT).

Uncertain days are rich with opportunities for God to show up. A life outside our control reminds us of the good God who’s always in control.  Let’s embrace the eternity hidden in these days and point our kids to the God who still works miracles.

Here are some practical tips:

• Pray for awareness

Several months ago, before the Coronavirus became a pandemic, I asked our kids how they’ve seen God answer prayer. Pondering the silence that met my question, I realized how infrequently we pray about specific needs. We pray generally for missionaries and for salvation for the lost. But when we need something, we often look for ways to meet it ourselves. I began asking God to make us aware of our needs so we can see Him working as our provider.

Prayerfully take inventory of your needs—physical, emotional, and spiritual. Make a list or write down each item individually on index cards.

• Talk to God about each need

Using that list or those index cards, pray as a family about each item. Ask for His perspective and for the Holy Spirit’s guidance as you pray.

• Anticipate His provision

Remind yourself of His promises. Here are a few of my favorites:

“And my God shall meet all your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19, NIV.)

“…Your Father already knows your needs. Seek the kingdom of God above all else, and He will give you everything you need.” (Luke 12:30-31, NLT).

“You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion…” (2 Corinthians 9:11, NIV).

Write down your favorite verses and display them around the house for encouragement. Choose to worship Him as you wait—singing your favorite praise songs, thanking Him for the blessings He’s already given, remembering what you know to be true of Him.• Reach out to others in need

There’s great joy in serving other people as a family, even when we have our own needs. Ask God to point out ways He wants to use you to invest in the lives of others. Pray for those needs and serve however in whatever ways He leads.

Our greatest needs are often camouflaged blessings, setting the stage for God to work powerfully on our behalf. Let’s seize these opportunities to grow closer to Him as a family. Let’s remind ourselves of His trustworthiness and walk by faith in these uncertain times.

When Depression Moves In

When Depression Moves In

What happened to my joy?

The question tugged at the corners of my soul as I trudged through each day. A dark cloud hovered over every waking moment. And sleep? That was a struggle, too. I had one bed-wetter and another child with night-terrors, so the sleep I did get was often fragmented and restless.

How I hated mornings. I dreaded facing a new day.

How can I be a good mom when I feel so sad, so weary, so…depressed?

Numbness presided over my heart. Things that used to bring joy now seemed empty and hollow. Routine tasks overwhelmed me with paralyzing force. I didn’t want to go out, didn’t want to do fun activities with my kids and especially didn’t want to talk about how I was really feeling.

Depression carries such a stigma. If I admitted my daily struggle, I feared people would see me as weak or unspiritual. They might lecture or give unhelpful help. They might judge me.

Oh, what a prison depression can be. It’s like walking through a deep, dark valley with insurmountable cliffs towering high above, blocking out any ray of light or hope for escape.

I’ve spent time there and come out the other side. May I share with you what I learned?

  • Get real with God. 

Jesus calls Himself “the God of hope” and invites us to pour out our hearts to Him.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” Romans 15:13 ESV

“Trust in Him at all times, O people. Pour out your heart before Him. God is a refuge for us.” Psalm 62:8 ESV

His heart is kind and full of compassion, not condemnation. He can handle our pain and is not disappointed when we struggle. He is still a miracle worker and healer of hearts.

  • Let others in. 

It’s hard to own this struggle, but admitting our need and asking for help is a huge step in the healing process. Maybe it’s a trusted friend or a prayer group that can lift us up before God. Maybe it’s a doctor who can evaluate things from a medical perspective.

  • Do something for yourself. 

This may sound selfish, but sometimes it’s the healthiest, most unselfish thing we can do. We can’t pour into the lives of others if our own tank is on empty. Find something that gives you rest, even enjoyment, and make room for that in your life.

  • Progress, not perfection. 

The day may seem daunting, the job overwhelming. Instead of striving for perfection, aim for progress and rejoice in each step.

Our God is patient as He forms Christ in us. He is not in a hurry, nor is He disappointed that we’re not further down the road to recovery. Becoming like Jesus is a life-long process that God is committed to completing.

“And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” Philippians 1:6 ESV

Depression is a cruel companion, but it does not define us. We are not helpless victims, but treasured children of an all-powerful God. He is always close at hand and has made us more than conquerors through His unconditional love.