The question tugged at the corners of my soul as I trudged through each day. A dark cloud hovered over every waking moment. And sleep? That was a struggle, too. I had one bed-wetter and another child with night-terrors, so the sleep I did get was often fragmented and restless.
How I hated mornings. I dreaded facing a new day.
How can I be a good mom when I feel so sad, so weary, so…depressed?
Numbness presided over my heart. Things that used to bring joy now seemed empty and hollow. Routine tasks overwhelmed me with paralyzing force. I didn’t want to go out, didn’t want to do fun activities with my kids and especially didn’t want to talk about how I was really feeling.
Depression carries such a stigma. If I admitted my daily struggle, I feared people would see me as weak or unspiritual. They might lecture or give unhelpful help. They might judge me.
Oh, what a prison depression can be. It’s like walking through a deep, dark valley with insurmountable cliffs towering high above, blocking out any ray of light or hope for escape.
I’ve spent time there and come out the other side. May I share with you what I learned?
Get real with God.
Jesus calls Himself “the God of hope” and invites us to pour out our hearts to Him.
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” Romans 15:13 ESV
“Trust in Him at all times, O people. Pour out your heart before Him. God is a refuge for us.” Psalm 62:8 ESV
His heart is kind and full of compassion, not condemnation. He can handle our pain and is not disappointed when we struggle. He is still a miracle worker and healer of hearts.
Let others in.
It’s hard to own this struggle, but admitting our need and asking for help is a huge step in the healing process. Maybe it’s a trusted friend or a prayer group that can lift us up before God. Maybe it’s a doctor who can evaluate things from a medical perspective.
Do something for yourself.
This may sound selfish, but sometimes it’s the healthiest, most unselfish thing we can do. We can’t pour into the lives of others if our own tank is on empty. Find something that gives you rest, even enjoyment, and make room for that in your life.
Progress, not perfection.
The day may seem daunting, the job overwhelming. Instead of striving for perfection, aim for progress and rejoice in each step.
Our God is patient as He forms Christ in us. He is not in a hurry, nor is He disappointed that we’re not further down the road to recovery. Becoming like Jesus is a life-long process that God is committed to completing.
“And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” Philippians 1:6 ESV
Depression is a cruel companion, but it does not define us. We are not helpless victims, but treasured children of an all-powerful God. He is always close at hand and has made us more than conquerors through His unconditional love.
I’ve written a lot over the last few months but have been a bit absent here. Let me fill you in.
In February, I took a break from blogging, sharing here only what I wrote for Just18Summers. Discouragement and self-imposed deadlines had turned my writing journey into a burden, where once it had been a delight.
I spent some time asking God to refine my focus, to clarify the underlying passion He’s placed in my soul, to define the driving force behind every word I write.
Why am I writing?
What am I trying to say?
What change has God brought in my life over the last few years which could transform my readers’ lives as well?
What does He want to communicate using my voice and my story?
A single word surfaced as I prayed.
Rest.
Funny, rest has been the theme of this blog for over a year because it really is, I now realize, the singular passion of my soul. But I wasn’t living or writing from that place of soul rest.
So God took me back to the path we’ve walked together. He showed me again the restlessness in which I once lived and the brokenness I experienced when I could no longer keep up with life. Like it was yesterday, I remember the day when my self-sufficiency bowed to His lavish grace (Confessions of a Good Girl).
On that path five years ago, I discovered the rest which comes from trusting Jesus’ merits instead of my own – not just for salvation, but for day-to-day walking with God. From knowing and loving Him. From drawing near to Christ and staying there in the dailyness of life.
My soul learned to breathe as I experienced the beauty of His heart and the wonder of being His own accepted child.
After God reminded me of our history together, I realized some things had to change. I needed to return to rest (Psalm 116:7) — in life in general, and writing in particular. I asked God to show me how to balance the various callings He’s given me as a wife and mommy, teacher, writer, church member, etc.
During this time, I’ve mulled over what it means to truly live each day from a heart of rest. Because let’s just be honest. Normal life is anything but restful.
I keep coming back to the story of Mary sitting at Jesus’ feet while Martha bustled around her (Luke 10:38-42). Mary’s ability to rest in the middle of chaos intrigues me. Jesus’ words to a frantic Martha ring in my heart: “You are worried and upset about many things, but a few things are needed – or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her” (Luke 10:41-42, NIV, emphasis mine).
What was this one thing which enabled Mary to rest?
As I’ve pondered and prayed over that question, a new book project began taking shape in my mind, one which provides the framework and heart behind the devotional I started last summer (Things are Changing Around Here). This new book discusses in detail the one thing that’s essential to living from a heart of rest.
So I now have two books in process and two book proposals nearly complete.
Will you pray with me about these projects?
That God will continue teaching me to have a heart of rest
That I’ll live from that place as I write these books
That He’ll open doors to share these projects with industry professionals and provide an avenue for publication, if that’s His purpose at this time
That I’ll be sensitive as His Spirit guides me through this process
Here at Dazzled By The Son, we’ll continue looking at various attributes of our God and how we can rest, by faith, in who He is. I’d love for you to join me in this discussion!
Well, sort of. We went to the zoo, where we saw some very exotic animals.
It rained a little during our drive in, but the light drizzle cleared up before we left the parking lot. The sun came out a few hours later and bathed the animals and their habitats in brilliant light.
As we rode a tram to another side of the zoo, however, we noticed ominous black clouds literally splitting the sunny sky in two.
I wonder which direction those are heading? I mused.
Within minutes of arriving at our destination, the sky opened and a downpour began. Thankfully, we had just reached a pavilion, where we waited out the storm.
After the showers let up, a beautiful rainbow streaked across the darkened sky, reminding us of the God who keeps His promises.
Life is a lot like our experience at the zoo. Sometimes storms come out of nowhere. Other times they spend a long time building up their fury. Either way, we’re often left scrambling for shelter.
I’ve faced a few such storms recently. Oh, how thankful I am for God my refuge.
“God is my refuge and my strength, a very present help in trouble” Psalm 46:1.
Always near and abundantly available, Jesus is a secure shelter for all who come to Him in faith. He’s also the strength we need to face those storms and whatever lies on the other side of them. And always, as yesterday’s rainbow reminded me, He is working to bring good out of every difficulty we face (Romans 8:28).
Because God shelters, strengthens and protects us, we can “be still and know that [He] is God…The [God of angel armies] is with us; the God of Jacob is our stronghold” (Psalm 46:10-11).
In what ways do you need God to be your refuge today? From what storms do you need a shelter? What weakness makes you desperate for Christ’s strength (2 Corinthians 12:9)?
Panic gripped my heart as I read the text from my sister –
“Emergency Alert: Ballistic missile threat inbound to Hawaii. Seek immediate shelter. This is not a drill.”
My sister and her family moved to Hawaii three weeks ago. Just in time to enter the path of a ballistic missile.
I fought back tears while searching Google for any sign this might be a mistake. Thankfully, I found tweets calling it a false alarm, and within minutes my sister confirmed the alert had indeed been an error.
Relief replaced fear as I thought of what could have been.
These are crazy times, crazy scary times, in which we live. How easy it would be to spend our days in fear or negativity. And we’d have good reason to live that way, except for one thing.
We belong to the God of hope.
Hope.
What a beautiful, life-giving, fear-quenching word. Used nearly 150 times in Scripture, hope is central to our faith in Christ.
“This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary” (Hebrews 6:19, NLT).
No situation, no tragedy, no uncertainty, no problem, no sin can change who our God is – merciful and gracious, all-powerful and perfectly pure. He Himself is our hope, the anchor of our souls in every storm we’ll ever face. And He’s always at work – in good times and bad.
In this hope I rest, secure in the love and goodness of God lavished on me though Jesus.
I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. But I know I won’t face it alone.
The God who holds eternity in His hands, who keeps the stars shining and the earth in orbit – that’s my God. He loves me and is always with me. He’s washed me clean in His blood. He’s made me forever His child. And one day, He’ll right every wrong and make all things new.
This hope – it’s the anchor of my soul.
How about you? If you know Jesus, how does your friendship with God give you hope? What does that look like in everyday life? I’d love to hear!
Samples. They’re my kids’ favorite part of shopping at Costco. (They might actually be mine, also. I’m just too grown up to admit it.)
Just a taste. Enough to make you rush over to that cooler and grab your own box of goodness to take home for dinner.
Jesus’ coming at Christmastime was a bit like tasting a sample. For 33 years, God physically lived among humankind. He chose 12 men to be His closest friends and daily opened His heart to them.
He healed the sick and made the lame walk, the deaf hear, the blind see. He displayed His power over darkness as He commanded demons to release their hold on human souls. He raised the dead, forgave sinners and birthed hope in weary hearts.
All this was a taste of things to come.God with us showed what God forever with us will be like.
“…Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and He will dwell with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death, or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away” (Revelation 21:3-4).
One day, God will walk among us again. He’ll wipe away all sickness for good. Never again will people become lame or deaf or blind. Demons will be banished and sin will be forever gone. And death? It will never sting again.
This is the gospel of the Christ Child – born in a stable, killed on a cross, risen from the grave and coming again soon.
As we celebrate Emmanuel this Christmas season, may the good news of His gospel burn within our hearts and be ever ready on our tongues. May He fill our hearts with hope as we look forward to His return.
May we savor the joys with which He surrounds us and rest in the nearness of God.
How have you tasted the goodness of God (Psalm 34:8)? I’d love to hear! Please comment below.
As a nation, we’ve experienced some tragic events lately – from the Las Vegas massacre to hurricanes and wild fires leaving destruction in their wake.
Closer to home, several dear friends lost loved ones in the last few weeks. We attended one funeral on Saturday – a dearly loved husband and father. Unexpected. Much too soon. Today, my husband played piano for yet another funeral – a beloved wife of nearly 59 years. Still too soon.
So much pain and heartache. Such enormous needs.
Many of us carry “smaller” burdens, concerns we voice to no one. Fears that plague us when we’re all alone. Important to us, nonetheless.
Whether your needs are immense or you carry less-big burdens today, my prayer for you is this:
May you find hope in the presence of God who promises it won’t always be this way.
May His love be a balm to your soul.
May you know the healing power of the One who is also acquainted with grief.
May His nearness be your ever-present comfort.
May He enter your loneliness and whisper words of tender affection.
May He give beauty for your ashes and be the stability of your soul.
May His grace be your lifeline,
His wisdom your next step,
His love the very breath that you breathe.
In Jesus may you find rest and healing for your soul.
“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble” Ps 46:1.
What burdens do you carry today? I’d be honored to pray for you – please leave a comment below.
How has God been a refuge and very present help for you in the past?
So God took me back to the path we’ve walked together. He showed me again the restlessness in which I once lived and the brokenness I experienced when I could no longer keep up with life. Like it was yesterday, I remember the day when my self-sufficiency bowed to His lavish grace (
I keep coming back to the story of Mary sitting at Jesus’ feet while Martha bustled around her (
The God who holds eternity in His hands, who keeps the stars shining and the earth in orbit – that’s my God. He loves me and is always with me. He’s washed me clean in His blood. He’s made me forever His child. And one day, He’ll right every wrong and make all things new.
As we celebrate Emmanuel this Christmas season, may the good news of His gospel burn within our hearts and be ever ready on our tongues. May He fill our hearts with hope as we look forward to His return.
