How can you help someone whose faith is in pieces? When a Christian you love questions beliefs you hold dear, is it possible to walk with them through faith deconstruction?
As someone who experienced the collapse of my faith (and its eventual renewal), I’m deeply grateful for believers who want to come alongside and help. The gift of your presence can make Christ’s love tangible.
If you’ve never walked through deconstruction yourself, however, you may struggle to know just how to help. Understanding the terminology is a good place to begin.
To read more on faith deconstruction and how you can help those walking through it, hop over to
As the words of our song reverberated through the Russian cathedral, the memory of those moments etched itself on my soul. Our mission team had come to tour the church. Inspired by the sanctuary’s beauty, we sang God’s praise from the balcony. Never had I heard more beautiful acoustics.
On our way out, a woman who worked in the cathedral spoke to our translator. With tears in her eyes, she explained how she’d prayed for years to hear God praised in another language. Who knew our spontaneous worship would be the answer to a fellow believer’s prayer?
Moments like this feel like ministry. Surrounded by beauty. Inspired by answered prayer. Serving in a country on the other side of the planet.
Parenting, on the other hand, can feel like anything but ministry. Surrounded by messes. Exhausted by relentless needs. Serving in the very real spaces we call home.
It’s easy to think ministry happens out there through people with seminary degrees and a profound sense of calling.
But what if Jesus views parenting as ministry? And if he does, what does the ministry of parenting look like?
Parenting as Ministry
I remember feeling a bit purposeless as a young mom. I changed diapers, read stories, and cooked meals. Then I put the kids to bed and did it all over again the next day—for days, weeks, and months on end. Compared to mission trips, Bible studies led, and worship songs sung, those everyday jobs didn’t feel much like ministry.
Yet, at its core, ministry is service, and that’s exactly what we’re doing in our homes.
Writing about the word’s biblical usage, Bill Mounce explains that ministry “can refer to helps and service of various kinds which can range in meaning from spiritual Biblical teaching (Acts 6:4) to the practical giving of provisions, supplies, support, and finances to those in need (2 Corinthians 9:12).”
What a fitting description of Christian parenting—serving our kids’ spiritual and practical needs.
Here are three ways Jesus views parenting as ministry.
1. Caring for Our Kids’ Needs
When I was preparing to write this article, I asked our teenage daughter, “How do you think Jesus sees parenting as ministry?” She responded with a pun, “I don’t know, but I’m sure God will make it ap-parent to you.” (Groans and eye rolls all around. I love her sense of humor.)
The next day, I asked our teenage son the same question. He reminded me of Matthew 7:9-11 (NLT): “You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead?Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not!So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.”
When we care for our kids’ practical needs, we’re modeling the generous heart of our Father. We’re not just providing food or giving them a safe home to live in. We’re showing them there’s a God who cares for us. One who knows our needs and loves to give what is good. One who values his children infinitely more than the birds he keeps his eye upon (Matthew 6:25-32).
Our kids’ physical needs are often the most obvious and easiest to address. Yet, in the ministry of parenting, God calls us to care for our kids holistically. The One who created humans with bodies, minds, and spirits wants to teach us how to minister to their outward and inward needs.
Caring for our kids’ souls is multidimensional. It involves, among other things, teaching them to process emotions in a healthy way, talking with them about good friendships and healthy boundary setting, and compassionately walking with them through whatever struggles they face.
Through practical ministry in our homes, we can help our kids thrive as they discover and grow into the unique individuals God created them to be.
In addition to caring for their physical and emotional health, the ministry of parenting calls us to invest in their spiritual well-being, too. I like to think of this as discipleship.
2. Relating to Our Kids as Disciples
Discipleship describes the relationship between a teacher and a student. It includes more than simply passing on information, however. Through time spent together, the teacher instructs and models what they want their students to emulate—lessons learned, habits formed, and a worldview acquired.
Jesus’ relationship with his twelve closest followers provides a beautiful picture of what discipleship can look like in our homes. For three years, he spent nearly every day with them—eating, traveling, and working together. Along the way and with intentionality, Jesus taught them about the ways of his kingdom and the heart of his Father.
In the Old Testament, God instructed parents to teach their children in a similar way:
“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates” (Deuteronomy 6:4-9).
In both the Old and New Testaments, we see examples of spiritually investing in those under our care. We can do this in two main ways:
As We Go
For this busy mom, the words of Deuteronomy are a welcome relief. The ministry of parenting involves living out our faith as we go about our daily lives. Most of our family’s spiritually profound conversations are not planned. They come up while we’re driving and discussing concerns about the day ahead. Or at 10 pm when my body wants to sleep but my teen wants to talk. Or when I’m asking forgiveness for speaking with anger instead of love.
These are the moments when real life meets real faith. I’m not studied up or even prayed up, necessarily. But I find myself silently asking the Holy Spirit to fill me with his wisdom, strength, or compassion so I can represent Jesus well in those spontaneous conversations.
On Purpose
God also gave the Israelite people regular, commemorative celebrations to remind them of their relationship with him (Leviticus 23). Woven throughout Scripture is the call to purposely cultivate faith in God (Psalm 11:9, Romans 12:2).
While we may not have annual religious feasts like the Israelites did, we can plan ways to intentionally disciple our kids.
In our family, this has looked different as our kids have grown. When they were little and we were home every day, we read the Bible and prayed together as part of our daily routine. Now that they’re older and we’re away from the house most days, we try to gather and read a devotion a few times a week. A few years ago, when we were in between churches, we set aside Sunday afternoons to talk about the church service we’d just experienced. This led to many beautiful faith conversations.
Ultimately, as I invest in my kids’ spiritual formation, I seek to encourage each of them to embrace their personal walk with God. There’s nothing more beautiful to me than hearing my son or daughter share something they learned from him on their own.
While this is my heart’s desire for each of my kids, it’s also a choice that’s up to them. Our ministry call as parents is simply to make Jesus known and to trust him with our children’s hearts.
3. Modeling Our Own Walk of Faith
An essential part of our calling as Christian parents is to cultivate authentic faith in our own lives. It’s easy to think of this in terms of duty. Like Martha trying desperately to serve Jesus and take care of everyone in her house, we may feel that seeking God is just one more item on our already-full to-do list.
His words to Martha apply to us, too: “…My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her” (Luke 10:41-42 NLT).
It wasn’t that feeding people and ensuring their comfort in her home didn’t matter. Jesus knew Martha’s heart was to honor him and care well for her guests. But he also knew serving him would never satisfy the restlessness of her soul. It couldn’t produce in her the abundant or the fruit of his Spirit.
Unlike Martha, Mary chose to enjoy him. She was concerned about one thing—receiving from Jesus, not doing for Jesus. Sitting at his feet wasn’t a duty (nor was serving him, as we see her doing elsewhere in Scripture). He was her delight, the source of rest for her soul. So, whether she served him or sat quietly at his feet, her focus was on Christ himself.
In a similar way, Jesus beckons us close. He invites us to return to him repeatedly for peace and rest (Psalm 116:7, Matthew 11:28-30). Through set-aside times and on the go, he calls us to live relationally with his Spirit, getting to know him and receiving from him all we need for this ministry of parenting.
A life of authentic faith can be complicated. What a gift we give our children when we allow them to witness our walk with God through the ups and downs.
– When we talk about what God is teaching us, they learn they can hear from him, too.
– When we share how he welcomes us to bring our questions and doubts, they discover they can be real with God, too.
– When we prioritize soul care, they understand the importance of investing in their spiritual lives, too.
– When our love for God compels us to love others, they observe Christ ministering through the hands and feet of his people.
– When they hear us apologize for the wrongs we’ve done, they learn the importance of living with a clear conscience.
Paul encouraged the people of Corinth: “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ” (1 Corinthians 1:11). As parents, we have the privilege of leading our kids toward Christ by example.
The Heart of Ministry
As we care for, disciple, and model faith for our kids, we are living out the ministry of parenting. Underlying all these practices, however, must be a commitment to cultivating our relationship with our kids.
We can read the Bible with our kids every day. We can meet their physical needs and take them to every extracurricular activity they desire. We can bring them to church and send them on mission trips. But if we fail to love them relationally, we’ll undermine everything else we’re trying to do.
Our influence lies in our relationship.
Our kids need to know we care about them and about the things that are important to them. They need us to put down our devices, look them in the eye with a smile, and listen to whatever is on their minds. They need one-on-one time with us and acceptance of their personality, thoughts, and feelings.
As we prioritize our relationship with them, we model the relationship God wants to have with them, as well.
The Perfect Parent
As much as I long to parent well and raise kids with no childhood baggage, like every mom and dad, I fail along the way. God alone is the perfect Parent.
This, of course, is no excuse for mistreatment or neglect. God holds us accountable for those he’s entrusted to our care. But he doesn’t expect perfection—just a growing desire to love well with our words and our actions and a willingness to seek forgiveness when we mess up.
My mentor often reminds me, “Kids don’t need perfect parents. They need a perfect God.”
Our perfect God knows our kids better than we ever will. He offers everything we need to care for and disciple our kids in this ministry of parenting. Through cultivating our relationship with him and our kids, we can point them to the perfect Parent who loves them and invites them to know him, as well.
This article originally appeared on Crosswalk, 03/22/2024:
“I’m your follower!” announced my preschooler in a sing-song voice as she tagged along at my heels. I smiled at her candor, enjoying her company.
Then, the profound truth of her words settled into my soul. My follower. My shadow. A nearly inseparable part of my being during this life season. She watches and continually learns from me (as do her older siblings).
Our children are, quite literally, our followers. Like little disciples, they instinctively look to us as examples, teachers, and leaders. What a privilege! We have the opportunity to introduce them to Jesus, live out the gospel, and model faith in daily life.
And yet, what a sobering responsibility. I don’t know about you, but sometimes this strikes fear in my heart. What if I get it wrong? What about all the times I fall short of being the perfect parent I long to be?
In moments of worry and doubt, we need God to speak truth to our souls. Here are eight reminders that can equip us to live well as Christian parents:
1. God chose us.
No one else on this planet holds our particular job. These kids—they are ours, priceless gifts entrusted to us by our all-wise heavenly Father. He knows their hearts better than we ever will. He equips us with everything we need for the ministry of parenting.
“His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness” (2 Peter 1:3. See also Philippians 4:19 and Hebrews 13:20-21.)
2. Weakness is okay.
It’s not perfect parents (if there were such people) who raise Jesus-loving kids. It’s needy parents modeling the path to maturity—through ups and downs, continually looking to Jesus for wisdom, strength, and transformation. Our kids can learn to relate to God by watching us walk with Him.
When they see us pray, they understand God welcomes and responds to hearts of faith.
When they observe us loving and prioritizing His Word, they discover the Bible is something worth treasuring.
When they hear us ask for forgiveness and see us make restitution when we fail, they understand how to respond to their own shortcomings.
Our kids will have their own hard seasons to face, just like us. They’ll feel inadequate at times, too. As we model an imperfect but intentional life with Christ, they will gain the priceless example of authentic faith—one they can look back on in their own times of need.
“Each time [God] said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ can work through me” (2 Corinthians 12:9 NLT).
3. It’s simpler than we make it.
While rules are essential, and it’s our job to teach our kids right from wrong, Jesus reminds us God’s requirements can be summed up in this way—”Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength [and] love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these” (Mark 12:30-31).
Love God. Love people. Everything else, in parenting and all of life, is peripheral. As we learn from his heart and live from the overflow of our relationship with him, he’ll teach us what living in love looks like.
“We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19).
4. Relationships take priority.
Jesus is a relational God. He cares more about the condition of our hearts than about measurable results. He wants us to know him, not just do things for him. He cares for our souls as he looks deeper than our behavior to the emotions and needs buried below the surface.
He calls us to do the same for our kids. To value their souls and cultivate our relationship with them. To prioritize discipleship over performance. To model and instruct them in practical aspects of healthy relationships.
As we receive his tender care, we can nurture and build relationships with our kids in similar ways.
“He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us” (2 Corinthians 1:4, NLT).
5. Love works better than fear.
When fear drives our parenting choices, we often end up saying words or making decisions we regret. We act before we pray. We grasp for control rather than resting in God’s tender care. First, John reminds us, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love” (4:18).
However, as our ability to trust God’s heart grows, our capacity to walk in love deepens and matures so that “the love of Christ controls and compels us…” (2 Corinthians 5:14 AMP).
6. We are followers, too.
Jesus is our example, as well as our source of wisdom, strength, endurance, and everything else we need on our parenting journey. He invites us to know his heart and join him in his work in our homes.
In addition to learning from Scripture and through prayer, we need the wisdom of other parents, too. God designed us to learn from those in various stages and seasons, from different backgrounds and experiences, with unique gifts and perspectives.
This may look like having an official mentor, or it can be gleaned from watching how other families cultivate strong relationships and build healthy homes.
“Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:1).
7. Community is essential.
Building a healthy family takes community. As the human body needs all its parts to function well, so parents and kids alike gain support, wisdom, and encouragement from living in community with other Christians. Sharing life helps us bear one another’s burdens. It provides opportunities to know and be known. It reminds us that we’re part of something much bigger than ourselves.
“Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near” (Hebrews 10:24-25 NLT).
8. We give from what’s on the inside.
As parents, we spend our days giving, pouring out for those we love. But like nearly empty coffee pots, uncared-for souls have little to offer others. Our bodies need rest. Our souls need silence. Our spirits need space to commune with God.
The one who loves us beckons us to draw close and let him renew our hearts so we can live from the overflow.
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me, and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me, and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly” (Matthew 11:28-30 The Message).
Moms and Dads, our influence in our kids’ lives is irreplaceable. We can be the physical expression of Jesus in our homes each and every day. He has called us to this remarkable role, and He’s with us every step along the way.
This article originally appeared on Crosswalk, 02/27/2024:
If you ask ten people to define the gospel, you’ll likely get ten different answers. Over time and through frequency of use, the word gospel has lost much of its meaning. As Christians, we know it has to do with salvation. We accepted the gospel when we came to faith in Jesus, and we’re supposed to share the gospel with others.
Yet how can we share what we don’t clearly understand? What does the Bible really teach about the gospel?
To read more about the gospel, who it’s for, and what makes it really good news, hop over to Bible Study Tools:
Mary and Martha paint a vivid picture of two very different siblings. Busy Martha was a hostess at heart. In Luke 10:38-42, we see her welcoming Jesus into her home (something she did on more than one occasion). While Jesus taught his disciples, Martha bustled about her kitchen, working hard to prepare a meal worthy of her King. Driven by a taxing to-do list, Martha’s many acts of service left her anxious and distracted.
In the other room, Mary took a different posture. She joined Jesus’ disciples on the floor, sitting at his feet as a learner. Enraptured with this Teacher, Mary hung on his every word. She, in contrast to her sister, seems the picture of peace. Even when Martha accused her of laziness and told Jesus to make her come help in the kitchen, Mary stayed quietly in her seat.
Then Jesus came to her defense. “‘Martha, Martha,’ the Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed — or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her’” (Luke 10:41-42).
When reading this passage, it’s important to remember both women loved Jesus. Both called him their Lord (Luke 10:40, John 11:32). Both offered him their worship — Martha through her hospitality, Mary through anointing his feet with perfume (John 12:1-3).
When Jesus corrected Martha, he didn’t condemn her or say her service didn’t matter. Instead, he pointed to the turmoil in her soul. Her restless heart revealed a deeper issue — she was missing the point of following him.
We, too, can easily get sidetracked, confusing busyness with fruitfulness, thinking Jesus wants our service most of all. But the sisters’ encounter with Jesus points to a different way of walking out our faith.
What Is the One Needed Thing That Mary Chose?
Jesus boiled down what really matters to a single decision — but what is it?
Was it Mary’s choice of simplicity over Martha’s fancy preparations? Did Jesus praise her because she made room for him in her busy schedule? Are we to follow her example by making sure we have a daily quiet time with God? While these are important practices in the life of a Christian, a closer look at the big picture of Jesus’ ministry points to something fundamentally different.
Martha was busy doing things for Jesus, while Mary focused on receiving from him.
Ultimately, the one thing Mary longed for was Jesus himself. Centuries earlier, the psalmist David expressed a similar heart cry, “One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple”(Psalm 27:4). The apostle Paul later echoed the sentiment, “I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ” (Philippians 3:8).
Mary, David, Paul, and others had a single-hearted passion to know God deeply. And in gaining him, they received the source of their souls’ satisfaction.
As Charles Spurgeon said, “If you have the Holy Spirit, you virtually have all good gifts, for the Spirit is the earnest of God’s love, the pledge of joys to come; and he brings with him all things that are necessary and good for you.”
What Do We Receive from Him?
Throughout his time on earth, Jesus called people to come to him and receive all he brings to the relationship. This isn’t a one-time experience, something we merely accept at salvation. On the contrary, he beckons us to cultivate the habit of turning to him continually.
In John 7:37-39, Jesus invited thirsty souls to come to him for living water — the ongoing life source that flows from his Holy Spirit. As we enjoy continuous fellowship with him, he produces his abundant life within us.
In Matthew 11:28-30, Jesus called to the weary and burdened, offering rest for their souls. By learning from him and getting to know his heart, we experience the inward peace Mary enjoyed as she sat at his feet.
In 2 Corinthians 5:21, Paul described an astounding exchange — Jesus took our sin and in return, he gave us his goodness. When he perfectly kept God’s law, he did it as our representative. Through faith in him, we’re not only forgiven, but we also receive credit for all the good works he did.
Also in 2 Corinthians 5, Paul taught that we receive a new identity when we place our faith in Christ (verses 17-18). No longer should we define ourselves by past failures, others’ opinions, or the work we do. We are friends with God, reconciled by the work of his Son. We’re beloved children who have confident access to his heart and his ear (Romans 8:15, Galatians 4:5-7, Ephesians 3:12, Hebrews 4:16).
In John 15:4-8, Jesus explained that we receive the ability to bearhis Spirit’s fruit through our connection with him. Being loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, and self-controlled — these virtues aren’t up to us to produce for God. Instead, through our yielded lives, his Spirit freely bears his fruit in us (Galatians 5:22-23).
In 2 Corinthians 5:18-19, God declared that he’s given each of us a beautiful life purpose. Ours is the joy of helping others find friendship with God, too.
In Philippians 4:19, Paul proclaimed that from God we receive the satisfaction of all our needs. Do you lack wisdom? Go to God (James 1:5). Strength? Draw from God (Philippians 4:13). Provision? Ask God persistently (Luke 11:5-13). Healing? Look to the God who has healing in his wings (Malachi 4:2).
What about Serving Him?
Mary discovered that Jesus called her to relationship before service, but this doesn’t mean she sat idle every day. All through his Word, God calls us to action, instructs us to be diligent, and warns us to take seriously the spiritual battle in which we’re engaged. Ours is not a complacent faith.
So how does this relate to receiving from him instead of doing for him? How can we live busy lives from hearts at rest?
The core issue depends on where we look for our source. Are we trying hard to be good for God? Do we measure our spiritual health by the number of commitments on our calendar or disciplines we maintain? Are the opinions of others (or our own expectations) the standard by which we live? If so, we’ll likely burn out or grow deeply resentful along the way. The soul rest Jesus promised will be an elusive dream. We’ll find ourselves trapped in a Martha kind of restlessness.
If, however, we continually return to Christ as our source, learning to wait on him and draw upon him for our every need, we’ll find the inner peace Mary experienced at Jesus’ feet.
An old hymn entitled Channels Only beautifully describes the life of a fruitful believer living from a heart at rest.
“How I praise thee, precious Savior, That thy love laid hold of me; Thou hast saved and cleansed and filled me That I might thy channel be.
Channels only, blessed Master, But with all thy wondrous power Flowing through us, thou canst use us Every day and every hour.”
As a pipe merely carries water, as a lamp shines light drawn from an outside electrical source, so Jesus invites us to live from the overflow of his Spirit’s filling. He’ll do his work through us, but it will be just that — his work. And we’ll experience the joy of a life lived beyond ourselves.
Two Ways of Relating to Him
In Mary and Martha’s story, we see two patterns of relating to Jesus. Martha related to him as a servant while she busied herself with all she wanted to do for him. Mary related to him as a disciple. With single-hearted devotion, she longed to be near him — listening, learning, receiving from him as she enjoyed his companionship.
We, too, can choose how we’ll relate to Jesus. Will we be content to serve him from a distance? Or will we repeatedly draw near, listening for his voice, learning from his heart, and joining his work as we live out of the overflow of our relationship with him?
What will our kids remember from these history-making times in which we’re living?
As the Coronavirus spreads across the globe, our kids are trying to make sense of things, just as we parents are. They hear the news stories. They see the empty grocery store shelves. They wonder if someone they know will come down with the virus next. They feel the loneliness of social distancing and worry that their summer plans may end up cancelled before this is all over.
How can we help them thrive and build positive memories of these days spent at home?
You may have heard the following saying:
“People may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.”
– Carl W. Buechner
Right now, the days are rich with opportunities to help our kids experience the following emotions:
Enjoyed
Extended time at home means lots of togetherness. Instead of being distracted, each on our own device, let’s be intentional about having fun together. Dust off those board games. Bake some cookies with your kids. Pull out your favorite childhood books and read them aloud. Enjoy a picnic in the backyard and play frisbee while you’re out there.
Thankful
It’s all too easy to focus on what we’re missing and fixate on what we don’t have. But now’s a great time to take inventory of all the good things we do enjoy. Give each family member an index card and take time to count your blessings. Add to this list each day.
Secure
The world may be in a panic and people may be stockpiling toilet paper, but at home, let’s cultivate a feeling of security and camaraderie. Invite open conversations where everyone can freely discuss what they’re thinking and feeling. Remind each other often of your love. Seek to create a haven where each person feels safe, understood, and encouraged to thrive.
Hopeful
This won’t be the only time our kids face scary situations. How we handle things now can prepare them to face the future with confidence. Remind each other of ways you’ve seen God answer prayer. Talk often of His faithfulness in the past – both to you and to other believers. (Reading missionary stories is a great way to do this.*)
Above all, keep coming back to Jesus as our Rock in unstable times (Psalm 61:2). Read the Psalms together and discuss what you learn about Him there. Spend time praying with one another. Verbalize your faith that God works all things out for our good (Romans 8:28).
The days ahead are rich with family-building, faith-cultivating opportunities. With intentionality, we can help our kids feel enjoyed, thankful, secure, and full of hope.
They’ll remember these feelings for the rest of their lives.
*Christian Heroes: Then and Now and the Trailblazer Books are our family’s favorite missionary story series.
