I puzzled at the early morning text. Why is my friend asking if we’re safe?
A text from my neighbor clued me in. “A pine tree fell and damaged your shed and maybe your house.”
My oldest daughter and I were out of the state for a college preview when I received these messages. I had no idea our family back home was in danger. We’d heard hurricane Helene was coming, but we live hundreds of miles from Florida. Our schools had closed, but we assumed it was just a precautionary measure.
I needed to call my family.
Relief washed over me when I heard my husband’s voice. “We’re safe. We’ve been camped out in the hallway for the past several hours.”
He went on to describe a storm unlike anything we’d ever experienced. The wind was so fierce they could feel it in the house with the doors and windows closed. Rainwater came into the living room because the storm blew it under the windowsills. A tree fell on my husband’s car, but thankfully none landed on our house.
My daughter and I finally made it home after several GPS reroutes, and tears filled my eyes as I drove into our city. Billboards stripped of their ads. The side of a building lying on the ground next to a tangle of broken power lines. Cars crushed and houses cut in half by massive fallen pines.
Never had I witnessed such devastation. Oh, I’d seen pictures and videos of hurricane damage before. But this was my city. These were my neighbors. That was our car.
In the days that followed, I experienced a jumble of emotions. Grief for my friends over what they’d lost. Relief that we hadn’t lost much. Guilt over feeling such relief. Shame for being sad and anxious when others had it worse. Gratitude for the hundreds of different ways our community banded together to show love.
As I processed all these feelings in prayer, I sensed God’s Spirit saying to mine, Look for what is constant and anchor yourself there.
Life’s storms will come, both the physical and the metaphorical ones, but I’m thankful God’s heart never changes. In the wake of our storms, we can anchor ourselves to who he is and lean into his gracious presence.
Why should I keep following God when he isn’t answering my prayers?
The unspoken question haunted me. I wished I didn’t feel this way. I told myself I should just keep trusting. For all my trying, though, the uncertainty continued. And with it, accusations against God’s character chipped away at my faith.
God doesn’t really care about you.
He’ll never answer your prayers.
He probably isn’t trustworthy.
With gentleness and grace, God drew near, reminding me he already knew my thoughts. He invited me to bring them into the open. Voice the feelings. Verbalize the doubts. Lay bare my soul before the One who sees me as I am and loves me.
So, I did.
As I poured out my disillusionment and admitted what my head was saying about his heart, I found myself on holy ground. He met me there in a deeply personal way. Rather than bypassing my pain or scolding my lack of faith, he received my questions. With his still, small voice, he asked me a question in return, the same question he’d asked Peter in John 6:67, “Do you want to walk away?”
As I pondered his question, I found myself answering as Peter did, “Where would I go? You have the words of life” (v 68). I remembered the history we’ve shared — how he delivered me from a food addiction as a teenager, how he healed my broken heart as a young adult. I’d tasted of his goodness. I’d experienced his grace. He was as real to me as the people in my own family.
No, I didn’t want to walk away. Despite the pain in my soul, even though he had yet to answer my prayers, he was still the same God. Still loving. Still powerful. Still for me and worthy of my trust.
I left that encounter a different person, not because my circumstances had changed or because he’d promised me they would. On the contrary, he gave me himself. He let me experience his open-hearted welcome, his understanding, and his soul-mending grace.
When our faith is slipping, God offers to be our firm foundation (Isaiah 33:6). He stands ready with open arms to receive us in our brokenness, eager to welcome us home (Luke 15:20). He’ll never reject those who come to him (John 6:37).
If you find yourself in a similar spot, I invite you to make space to pour out your heart before God.
How can you help someone whose faith is in pieces? When a Christian you love questions beliefs you hold dear, is it possible to walk with them through faith deconstruction?
As someone who experienced the collapse of my faith (and its eventual renewal), I’m deeply grateful for believers who want to come alongside and help. The gift of your presence can make Christ’s love tangible.
If you’ve never walked through deconstruction yourself, however, you may struggle to know just how to help. Understanding the terminology is a good place to begin.
To read more on faith deconstruction and how you can help those walking through it, hop over to
Applause erupted as our daughter stood to receive her third award of the evening. She beamed with excitement while walking on stage. I listened to the praise of both her teachers and peers. My heart swelled with joy. Their words confirmed what I already knew—she’s an incredible kid.
At the same time, I ached for her brother, who received no awards that night. He’s an amazing kid, too. He did well in his classes, and his kind, fun-loving personality won him many friends. Still, he took home no awards.
Oh, the depth of conflicting emotions a parent’s heart can hold in the same moment.
On the way home, our son commented, “I wonder why I didn’t get any awards.” I turned in the front passenger seat and looked at him with compassion. I’ve experienced these gut-wrenching feelings before, too. I know what it’s like to anticipate affirmation and come away disappointed. I know how hard it is to celebrate with a friend while trying to mask my own pain.
How can we help our kids deal with rejection? Here are some thoughts on preparing them for both disappointment and success:
Our children have different talents and gifts.
As we sat in the car that night, we reminisced about swim team last summer when our son was the one winning the awards. His sister won some, too. But that night, he excelled.
God created each of our kids with unique abilities and individual talents. Faithfulness in using our gifts is more valuable than receiving the applause of others. God sees our hard work, our diligence, and our perseverance—even when others don’t.
God gives us value and identity.
Our son builds amazing Lego creations. He draws detailed bridges. He memorizes facts and Bible verses easily. But none of these abilities define him. They don’t give him his worth any more than his struggles diminish his worth.
Our kids have intrinsic value simply because God made them in His image. No other creature has received such a gift. The praise or criticism of people can’t change the reality of who they are. The Creator of the universe deeply loves them, wants them, and delights in them. He died to make a way for them to be close to Him.
Jesus understands rejection.
In becoming human, Jesus showed us the heart of God. He spent His days loving, healing, teaching—pouring Himself out for those He created. In the end, they rejected Him. They falsely accused Him, spit on Him, beat Him, and ultimately crucified Him.
He gets rejection.
His heart goes out to our kids when they are overlooked. He invites them to tell him all about their feelings—not just the pretty ones, but the raw, unfiltered emotions, too. He understands. This place of vulnerability can be the very spot where they encounter God. He’s able to comfort them, heal their wounds, and bring beauty out of their pain.
“I’d choose you.”
When I was young, my mom read a book to me entitled I’d Choose You by John Trent. In this story, a mother elephant describes several scenarios in which she would choose her own son over any other child, no matter who performed best.
I long for my kids to possess a deep confidence that even if another person does something better than they do, I would still choose them—simply because they’re mine. They are loved and treasured, just as they are.
Rejoice with those who rejoice.
Our kids enjoy cheering on their friends, whether it’s an awards ceremony or a swim meet. It’s fun to watch the success of those we love.
It can be difficult to rejoice, though, when someone else’s triumph means our loss. Choosing to celebrate our friends’ or siblings’ achievements develops humility and strengthens friendships.
We can help our kids grow in this by praying with them—leading them in telling God about their feelings and asking for his joy. Then, together, we can take a practical step toward celebration— telling their sibling, “I’m proud of you,” writing a “Congratulations” card, or sending a “Way to go” text. Finally, we can affirm them and reinforce the good character they’ve just displayed by expressing how proud we are of them.
Define true success.
I’ll never forget the day a teacher pulled me aside to talk about a recent incident in P.E. One of the boys was struggling with an activity. Our son noticed and took it upon himself to help this boy, staying by his side as they played the game.
Hearing this brought happy tears to my eyes. I rejoiced in our son’s compassion displayed that day.
“The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love” (Galatians 5:6b). God looks at our kids’ hearts. He values faith and love. He honors integrity and good character. Our kids need to know we do, too.
If we look to good grades or achievement as the measure of success, we’re setting our children up for future problems. Some may be tempted to cheat their way to a good report card. Others may define themselves by their scores—being devastated by poor grades or conceited by good ones.
Our kids need to know that while their grades matter and we’ll celebrate good ones together, report cards exist mainly to show us where there’s room for improvement. A poor grade can indicate the need to devote extra time to a subject or approach it differently. It may point out room for personal growth in diligence, perseverance, or attentiveness. Sometimes, it can even alert us to a possible learning difficulty or disorder.
True success is measured not by an award or the grade on a test but by what’s in the heart.
Rejection affects all of us. Our kids will be overlooked, left out, or even shunned. When this happens, we have the priceless opportunity of pointing them to Jesus and helping them grow stronger and more empathetic through the pain.
Let’s take every opportunity to affirm our children. Let’s instruct them in true success, the beauty of faith, and the value of integrity. The worth of these things will last for eternity.
This article originally appeared on Crosswalk, 03/05/2024:
If you ask ten people to define the gospel, you’ll likely get ten different answers. Over time and through frequency of use, the word gospel has lost much of its meaning. As Christians, we know it has to do with salvation. We accepted the gospel when we came to faith in Jesus, and we’re supposed to share the gospel with others.
Yet how can we share what we don’t clearly understand? What does the Bible really teach about the gospel?
To read more about the gospel, who it’s for, and what makes it really good news, hop over to Bible Study Tools:
Does faith deconstruction have a place in the Church? A quick Google search reveals a variety of opinions on the subject, with articles ranging from harsh criticism to strong praise.
What is faith deconstruction? Where did the concept come from and how can we be sure we’re talking about the same thing?
What Is Faith Deconstruction?
Defining deconstruction is tricky because there’s no agreed upon definition. The term first appeared in the fields of secular literature and philosophy. Britannica describes deconstruction as the process in which modern readers dissect older works to examine the language and logic, often leading to a reinterpretation of the pieces in question. In this context, truth is considered relative, merely an expression of the writer’s experience and understanding.
When viewing faith deconstruction through this lens, many Christians are concerned. If we deconstruct the Bible based on the assumption that it was written by fallible humans and not through divine inspiration, we lose the foundation of our faith. The Creeds of Christianity are rooted in the belief that Scripture is divine truth. For two millennia, Christians have looked to the Bible as our authority for faith and practice. Based on this understanding of deconstruction, many believers equate it with deconversion.
Another line of thought, however, views the process in architectural terms. Grace Ruiter explains it this way, “If you think of Christian faith as a home, pursuing tough questions about your faith is a bit like tearing away the carpeting and knocking out the drywall to see the bones that lie beneath. It pulls apart your beliefs to reveal what they’re made of and what holds them together.” In this context, other Christians see faith deconstruction as a positive endeavor.
For some, this type of deconstruction may look like remodeling a single room. For others, it may resemble the complete renovation of an entire structure. In both cases, though, deconstruction can honor the value of faith as people invest time and energy to see it restored.
Because the term can be used in many different contexts, it’s wise to begin our discussion of faith deconstruction by agreeing on how we will use the term.
My Experience with Faith Deconstruction
I first heard the term faith deconstruction in the architectural context. At the time, I was several years into my own spiritual renovation. I didn’t have a word for my experience. I just knew my faith needed a complete overhaul. A series of life-changing events caused me to question everything I’d believed and practiced for decades. I didn’t want to abandon faith, but I knew I couldn’t live in the faith structure I’d built without full reconstruction.
Barnabus Piper’s definition put words to my experience: “The word ‘deconstruction’ implies intentional process, a disassembling of something in order to examine its parts. It is different than ‘destruction’ or ‘dissolving’ … Actual deconstruction allows for something to be examined and reassembled or remodeled (hopefully better and stronger.)”
When my faith crumbled, this is exactly what God led me to do — to systematically evaluate my beliefs using Scripture as my guide. I slowly worked my way through the Bible, primarily looking for who God is and who he says we are as his children. Along the way, I studied other theological and practical faith topics. I learned about Biblical culture using study tools. I compared various Bible passages with each other. I considered commentaries and articles written by Bible scholars across denominations.
For me, deconstruction was a time of deep healing and spiritual renewal. Ultimately, it made space for God to rebuild a stronger faith structure.
When Is Faith Deconstruction a Good Thing?
1. When It Leads Us Toward Christ
Deconstructing can be very painful. Most who set out to deconstruct don’t decide to do it on a whim. Contrary to a popular line of thought, many Christians who chose this process are not looking for license to sin or an excuse to abandon faith.
Most begin deconstruction from a place of deep pain. Some of have been hurt, abused, or manipulated by people in the church or by harmful church systems. Others have experienced life situations which simply don’t fit within their theological framework. Still others wrestle with questions or doubts they feel unable to voice within their faith circles.
Faith deconstruction is a good thing when it helps people encounter Christ. Jesus welcomes those who are hurting. He’s not afraid of doubts or “unspiritual” questions. He loves to reveal his heart and he longs to heal the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18).
2. When It Strips Away What’s Rotten and Unimportant
In my city, our downtown district recently gained a beautiful new theater. Actually, it’s a historic theater that lay in disrepair until it was meticulously restored. Restorationists combed through the building, removing what was rotten and salvaging, cleaning, and polishing all that was worth saving. The result is a stunning performing arts theater that speaks of the glories of Art Deco design.
Faith deconstruction is a good thing when it leads to a similar renewal. God desires to restore as he strips away what’s rotten, tears down the extra trappings that don’t express his heart, and rebuilds faith as he intended — life-giving and soul-mending through his Spirit (Luke 10:41-42).
3. When It Corrects Misunderstandings about God’s Heart
As I began my deconstruction, I was surprised to sense God’s favor and acceptance. My faith was in pieces. My spiritual disciplines were mere shadows of what they’d once been. I was embarrassed to admit I didn’t know what I believed.
Yet throughout that season, I never felt condemnation from God, only grace-filled welcome. I sensed his patience as I wrestled with doubts, his compassion as I worked through my pain, and his hope as he began to reconstruct my faith.
He dazzled my weary soul, and I realized I didn’t know him as well as I thought I did. Though I’d been a Christian for decades, my view of God needed renovation. He beckoned me into Scripture to discover his heart and he healed mine along the way.
Faith deconstruction is a good thing when it causes us to search for God and understand who he says he is (Jeremiah 9:24).
4. When It Moves Us into the Middle Spaces of Faith
The longer I walk with God, the more I realize how small the black and white spaces of faith really are. To be sure, God defines right and wrong in his Word. Truth is not relative. But there are far more gray areas than I used to believe.
In needing decisive answers for every theological question, we can forget that other Spirit-indwelt, Bible-loving Christians hold different perspectives. Deconstruction gives space to step into the middle. Into the freedom of not having an answer for everything. Into the tension of holding paradox gently.
Jewish rabbis speak of a concept called thinking with both hands. Writing about apparent contradictions in the Bible, Lois Tverberg points out that “The rabbis simply embrace the two ideas in tension with each other rather than needing to seek resolution. By doing so, they are actually being true to the text by not ignoring passages that don’t fit their theology. They see that God alone can understand some things.”
Deconstruction is a good thing when it leads us to walk with humility and curiosity in the middle spaces of faith (Colossians 3:12, Romans 14).
5. When It Cultivates Empathy and Compassion
Until my faith fell apart, I didn’t understand the pain of a shattered life. I was quick to offer platitudes and call Christians to just be stronger. Just try harder. Just be more disciplined.
Deconstruction was God’s gift to me. Through it, and through the people who walked it with me, he began changing my self-righteous heart. He cultivated empathy and compassion in my soul. He taught me the value of listening with humility, of just being present, of loving people right where they’re at. He showed me the power of a caring community in helping people walk toward wholeness.
Deconstruction is a good thing when it softens our hearts with the compassion of Christ (Matthew 14:14).
6. When It Fosters Harmony among Christians
Differences in belief can drive deep rifts between brothers and sisters in the family of God. It’s easy to think our way of viewing nonessential issues is the only right way. We forget kindness and humility as we discuss issues of faith.
God wants us to know what we believe — to study his Word, to learn from his Spirit, to be “fully convinced in our own minds” (2 Timothy 2:15, 1 Corinthians 2:13-16, Romans 14:5). But what distinguishes us as his followers, he says, is our love for one another, not our theology (John 13:35).
Deconstruction is a good thing when it leads to unity without uniformity. Faith deepens as we celebrate what we hold in common with other believers. Harmony grows as we seek to understand why others believe as they do. Humility takes root as we learn to embrace the limitations of our own understanding.
4 Practical Tips for Walking Through Deconstruction
1. Drop Anchor
Deconstruction can be very disorienting. To use a second analogy, it can feel like drifting aimlessly in a boat with no land in sight. It’s helpful to anchor yourself during this time.
Because holding onto historical Christianity was important to me, the Bible and the Creeds were my main anchors through deconstruction. I learned to apply responsible Bible study methods so I could understand Scripture in context — with itself and with the culture in which it was written. I also evaluated my beliefs in light of what the Church has taught since its inception, considering the teachings of various denominations as I studied.
2. Look for God
God invites us to walk through deconstruction with him. Far more than a mental exercise, this process can be a time of healing and renewal as we learn from his heart and grow in relationship with him.
The main practice which guided my deconstruction was a search for God through his Word. I chose a read-through-the-Bible plan that let me study at my own pace, and then I simply looked for God, jotting down everything the Bible declared or described about his heart. The journey took me seven years and five journals, and oh, how my heart changed along the way!
3. Be Gentle with Yourself
There’s no timetable for deconstruction. God doesn’t demand that we hurry up and fix our faith so we can get back to work. On the contrary, our gentle and humble Savior desires to rebuild our faith as we engage with him — bringing him our questions, entrusting him with our pain, and learning to live relationally with his Spirit.
4. Find Healthy Community
For those who’ve been hurt in Christian circles, trusting other believers can feel like an impossible goal. Yet God intends faith to be lived out relationally. He knows the importance of being loved and received by fellow humans and he often uses other Christians as his ministers of healing.
Ask God to lead you to a safe community of believers and to teach you what indications of trustworthiness look like. This process will be different for different people. It may not always be within the walls of a church building. It may take more time than you think it should. It may even require talking with a therapist who understands spiritual trauma or joining a cohort with others who are seeking to rebuild their faith.
Be patient with yourself in this process. Don’t rush into new commitments or force yourself to engage in ways that trigger you. Simply allow your heart to be open to God as he leads you into spaces where you can heal.
Faith deconstruction has an important place in the Church. Whether you are deconstructing or walking through it with a loved one, may God work deeply within you to build a strong and flourishing faith.
This article originally appeared on Bible Study Tools, 03/28/2024:
