How can you help someone whose faith is in pieces? When a Christian you love questions beliefs you hold dear, is it possible to walk with them through faith deconstruction?
As someone who experienced the collapse of my faith (and its eventual renewal), I’m deeply grateful for believers who want to come alongside and help. The gift of your presence can make Christ’s love tangible.
If you’ve never walked through deconstruction yourself, however, you may struggle to know just how to help. Understanding the terminology is a good place to begin.
To read more on faith deconstruction and how you can help those walking through it, hop over to
How can Christians promote peace in a world filled with conflict? What qualities characterize those who work for harmony and reconciliation?
The theme of peace weaves through Scripture like a golden thread. Jesus left his disciples with the promise of peace (John 14:27). Ephesians describes the good news of our faith as “the gospel of peace” (6:15) and God calls Christians to “live in peace” (2 Corinthians 13:11).
But what is this peace the Bible describes? Is it the absence of hardship or avoidance of conflict? Can everyday Christians experience it, or is it reserved for a few “super saints?”
What Is Biblical Peace?
God’s concept of peace far exceeds pleasant life circumstances. The Engedi Resource Center explains, “We tend to understand it as the absence of war or as calmness of spirit. But along with these ideas, the Hebrew word shalom also carries a greater connotation of well-being, health, safety, prosperity, wholeness, and completeness.”
Like a puzzle with all its pieces in place, shalom means things line up with their intended design. A peacemaker, then, is someone who works to restore what is broken or incomplete — especially in the context of relationships.
Jesus is the ultimate peacemaker. Isaiah prophesied of the coming Messiah as the Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6) and Ephesians 2:14 tells us Jesus is our peace. His life, death, and resurrection made reconciliation with the Father possible for all who come to him in faith (Romans 5:10). Engedi clarifies, “This is the Hebraic understanding of salvation, not just that we will go to heaven when we die, but that we have an unbroken, loving relationship with God here on earth.”
Biblical peace, then, is rooted in our peace with God — beginning at salvation and growing through our ongoing connection with him. According to Jesus, we can experience this inner rest even in times of trouble and pain. “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).
7 Qualities of a Peacemaker
1. Secure Identity
Since we have peace with God through Jesus, we can experience a growing peace with ourselves — regardless of our past mistakes, our current struggles, or the opinions of others.
This describes our identity as God’s children — regardless of what our emotions or other people tell us. As his acceptance takes root and we learn to own our God-given identity, we can extend his peace to others. We can live loved instead of needy, at rest instead of striving, secure instead of desperate for others’ approval.
When our hearts are at peace, we’re free to live as peacemakers.
2. Welcoming Attitude
A welcoming heart forms the core of peacemaking. In Romans 14, God tells us how to relate with Christians who practice their faith differently from us — with acceptance. Blue Letter Bible explains that acceptance involves extending friendship and granting access to one’s heart. It’s like leaving the door unlocked so our friends can walk on in. It’s the kind of welcome that’s easy to offer those who are like us, but hard to extend to those who are different.
And yet, because God has accepted us, we’re called to welcome others in the same way (Romans 14:3).
To live as peacemakers, we must understand how God welcomes us, because when we live accepted, we have acceptance to give others. This welcoming heart equips us to promote peace in our relationships. It helps us communicate with curiosity and a desire to understand. It teaches us to cultivate healthy conversations where people feel heard and not shut down — even around subjects where we disagree.
3. Intentional Purpose
In Luke 1:78-79, we read that Jesus guides our feet into the path of peace. To guide, as Blue Letter Bible says, involves removing any hindrances which block the path toward someone. Jesus took away the obstacles which stood between us and God. He paid for our sin and purchased our freedom so we could draw near to the God of peace (Ephesians 3:12).
As his followers, we have the privilege of guiding people to God, too. “All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation” (2 Corinthians 5:18). When we help people overcome the obstacles blocking their path toward God (both non-Christians and believers), we are living as peacemakers.
4. Humble Heart
Humility shows up repeatedly in Bible passages talking about Christian unity. (See Romans 12:3-18, Ephesians 4:1-3, Philippians 2:1-11 for starters.) Often misunderstood, humility isn’t self-deprecation or self-hatred. On the contrary, humility holds an accurate opinion of oneself. Romans 12:3 instructs, “Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us.”
Jesus used humility to describe himself (Matthew 11:28-30). Philippians 2:6-8 shows what this looked like in his life. He knew his divinity but chose not to “use it to his advantage” (Philippians 2:6-11). Instead of holding himself aloof, he became one of us. He served in both menial and miraculous ways as he brought his peace to earth.
When we, like Jesus, are secure in our God-given identity, we can love, honor, and serve others from a heart of humility. We’re free to work for peace, regardless of the response we may receive.
5. Healthy Boundaries
We can only love well, however, when we maintain healthy personal boundaries. Jesus modeled boundary setting as he lived for his Father’s pleasure alone. He prioritized secluded time in prayer. He didn’t heal every sick person in Israel, and he didn’t allow the crowds to dictate how he conducted his ministry. Through his example, we see that healthy boundary setting is rooted in obedience to God (John 5:19,30; 8:28).
Knowing our limitations, being committed to God’s call on our lives, respecting ourselves as images bearers of God – these essential choices help preserve the peace of our own souls. Only when our hearts are at rest can we live as effective peacemakers.
This takes deep reliance on God’s Spirit to help us discern when to sacrifice and when to say no. As we learn to live for his pleasure, graciously refusing to be controlled by others’ expectations, we’ll have his peace to extend to others.
6. Life-Giving Speech
“The tongue has the power of life and death,” Proverbs 18:21 reminds us. As peacemakers, life-giving speech forms a crucial aspect of our calling. Through our words, we can help others find peace with God and live in harmony with each other.
What does this look like? It’s seen when we’re slow to argue (2 Timothy 2:23-24). It shows up as we prioritize listening and understanding, with an aim toward harmony (Romans 14:19, James 1:19). It leads us to respect and honor one another (Romans 12:10, 1 Peter 3:15). It helps us to pursue justice, to love mercy, and to walk in humility (Micah 6:8). It marks our speech with kindness and truth (Proverbs 3:3, NASB).
All these actions come from the empowering, transforming presence of God’s Spirit within us. As we live connected to the Prince of Peace, he forms his character in our hearts, giving us peacemaking words to share with others.
7. Doing What We Can
Romans 12:18 reminds us that ultimately, making peace is bigger than our personal choices: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Peacemaking always involves more than one party. Just as it takes two or more to disagree, it takes two or more to create harmony. God calls us to do our part — to extend welcome and work for peace, to walk in humility, set healthy boundaries, and speak in life-giving ways.
Sometimes, though, others are unwilling or unable to meet us in a place of peace. In these situations, we can rest, knowing we’ve done what we can. We can pray for harmony, wholeness, and restored relationships, and then entrust our circumstances to the God of peace.
Peacekeeping or Peacemaking?
Keeping the peace and living as peacemakers are two very different lifestyles.
Keeping the peace looks like avoiding conflict, dodging hard conversations, or ignoring broken situations. It sacrifices healing for surface happiness and often leads to shallow friendships and the absence of real connection.
True peacemaking, however, prioritizes God’s kind of peace (Romans 14:17-19). Peace rooted in restoration with God. Peace that promotes wholeness. Peace that mends and leads to flourishing.
As we walk with God, he’ll teach us to discern the difference and show us how to work for his kind of peace.
When Life Isn’t Peaceful
Even though we’ve been reconciled to God, enjoy a new identity, and are equipped to spread his peace, sometimes our own hearts are in turmoil. How do we live as peacemakers when difficult seasons overwhelm us? When circumstances break our hearts? When we or others set in motion events that cause deep brokenness?
The Psalms are full of raw prayers from people wrestling with similar questions. David cried out, “My soul is in deep anguish. How long, Lord, how long?” (Psalm 6:3). The sons of Korah wrote, “My tears have been my food day and night, while people say to me all day long, ‘Where is your God?’” (Psalm 42:3).
Right now, we live in the space between the cross and Jesus’ return. He’s building his kingdom in hearts around the globe. He’s restoring and mending and making things new. But life here is still broken. Creation still groans. Humans still wound one another. Sickness and death still invade without warning.
Jesus’ promise of peace beckons us back to the Prince of Peace. He calls us to bring our authentic selves — pouring out the thoughts and emotions, the questions and doubts, the anxiety and agony raging in our souls. This honest place can be holy ground as we can experience Immanuel — God with us — in the middle of our pain (Psalm 116:7, Hebrews 4:16).
Psalm 42 gives a beautiful example of the psalmist processing his inner turmoil in God’s presence. He acknowledges his pain to the Lord (verses 3, 9-10). He asks himself probing questions (verse 5a, 11a). He remembers God — who God has been for him, and the love God has lavished on him (verse 6-8). And as the psalmist pours out his heart, hope once again takes root in his soul (verse 5b, 11b).
As we allow God to care for us in the deepest part of our being, mending our brokenness and forming his character in our lives, we’ll experience growing peace in our souls. This peace in us will overflow through us, equipping us to bring his peace to our everyday spaces.
This article originally appeared on Bible Study Tools, 02/19/2024:
That’s how I’ve felt this year more times than I can count. Other than journaling, I’ve written very little.
I’ve experienced all the feelings – fear, contentment, anxiety, peace, sorrow, happiness, disappointment, hope. Processing rogue emotions with Jesus and landing back on solid ground has felt like a full-time job.
But hindsight is 20/20, they say (whoever they are.) As I look back on the past 364 days, three things have become unmistakably clear to me.
2020 has been hard.
Sometimes we Christians avoid speaking candidly about negative things. We fear being coined a complainer or labeled as someone who’s selfish or has weak faith. We even shy away from bringing raw emotions to God because we know He wants us to be grateful and to trust Him in both good times and bad.
But an honest acknowledgement is often the first step in processing our emotions, confronting our doubts, and moving deeper in our faith – a depth we’ll never experience if we simply gloss over our struggles.
2020 has been hard. We’ve all felt the sting of cancelling long-anticipated plans. We’ve been lonely, stir crazy as the hours tick by in the walls we’re mandated to stay within.
Our family lost a friend we loved as our own and the tears just come up without warning. We’ve self-quarantined three times, on top of the state-wide shut-down which grounded us all this spring. We’ve endured the discomfort of the covid19 test four times more than we’d like. We’ve worried about paying the bills during weeks when my husband has had to stay home.
This year has had more than its share of anxiety, disappointment, and pain.
But ours is a gracious God, slow to anger and abounding in loyal love and faithfulness (Exodus 34:6). He understands our feelings because He’s felt them, too – both as an emotive God and more specifically, as the God-man who walked among us for thirty-three years. He can sympathize with our weakness, our heartache, and our discouragement.
He invites His own to come to Him boldly and pour out everything stirring in our souls.
Will you take Him up on His invitation?
2. 2020 has seen God “up to great good.”
Midway through the pandemic, I enjoyed a phone meeting with my dear mentor. We talked about the hardships and frustrations we’d faced that spring and then she said, “But God is up to great good here.”
Our conversation screeched to a halt as I paused to consider her words. It wasn’t the first time I’d heard her say that. It’s kind of like her mantra. But I’d lost sight of it in the mess of 2020. I asked her to help me see some good, because my faith was anything but strong at that moment.
She told me a story or two of lives she’d seen touched by the redemptive power of God’s presence. Her faith bolstered mine and my vision improved.
It wasn’t long before I, too, could see God’s goodness weaving through our year – His work in drawing our family closer, His nudge toward slowing down, His miracles in meeting our physical needs and watering the seeds of my kids’ faith.
Sometimes we need a good friend to help us refocus when our own lens of faith goes fuzzy.
Who is that friend in your life?
If you don’t have such a friend right now, it’s okay – God is the Friend who sticks even closer than family. He’ll gladly point out His goodness if we ask Him.
3. 2021 has a clear forecast.
Even as I type those words, I struggle to believe they’re true. Humanly speaking, the year ahead looks like storm clouds and more rain. Our troubles aren’t going to vanish when the clock strikes midnight.
But as Jesus-followers, we’re not limited to our human perspective. Thank goodness, because fear tends to suffocate my soul if I look too long through my own lenses.
As we turn our hearts toward Jesus and seek shelter near His heart, He readjusts our focus to see more of what He sees.
Here’s the clear forecast for 2021:
God won’t change. We can anchor our souls to the reliability of His character and His Word.
God will always be up to great good. Whatever troubles come, Jesus is greater and in Him, we overwhelmingly conquer.
God won’t forget us or leave us on our own. His wisdom, His power, His very presence are available to us every moment of every day.
As we step into this near year, let’s set our hearts anew to seek this God whose nearness is our good (Psalm 73:28). More than anything, we need Him.
I’m planning to set aside a day (or portion of a day) in January to get alone with God. In case you’d like to do this, too, check out “Planning a Retreat with God” in my Freebie Library to help you make the most of that time.
I’d just gotten off the phone with my friend and the kids’ beloved babysitter. She’d called to say she was on her way over to pick something up.
Our seven-year-old daughter heard my side of the conversation and couldn’t contain her excitement over seeing an actual person somewhere other than a computer screen.
When our friend arrived, the kids rushed onto the front porch to say hello. Though we maintained a six-foot distance and chatted in the front yard, it felt good to enjoy a face-to-face conversation.
Months of social distancing have taken their toll. But they’ve also taught us the value of human connection. Of sharing life with the people who live in our spaces.
It’s easy to take for granted those we love the most. Even in our families, we can unintentionally live parallel lives and forget to enjoy the relationships within our own walls.
I’m thankful for the reminder to see my people. To value our interactions and invest in those around us.
Here are four ways we can be intentional in cultivating togetherness in our homes:
Make room for fun
I’m a bit of a no-nonsense person. At any given moment, I could recite the mental to-do list looming in the back of my mind. Most days, work feels more important than play. Yet if I wait until it’s all done, I’ll never stop to enjoy our life.
I’m learning to see the value in play. For in those moments when we’re simply enjoying each other, I learn a lot about my people — their strengths, their passions, their sense of humor. And I realize that the memories we’re making help build our family and solidify the relationships we share.
So make room for fun — family movie nights and afternoon board games, books read aloud and hikes through the woods, cookie baking and Lego building, bike rides and jumping together on the trampoline. It all adds up to shared experiences and hearts drawn close.
Prioritize one-on-one time
While family time is priceless, our kids need one-on-one time with us, as well. They need to feel seen. To know we like them and want to spend time focused on them.
Ask what they’d like to do together – just the two of you – then do your best to make it happen. I love seeing each child’s personality shine as we spend these times with one another. My oldest daughter likes to scroll through Pinterest or just sit and talk. My son usually wants to build with Legos or take a bike ride. My littlest enjoys baking something we’ve never made before or reading a book.
If you have more than one child, be creative in occupying your other kids while focusing on just one of them. You can designate a “quiet time,” where everyone spends 30 minutes playing or reading in their room. Or set out coloring books on the kitchen table while an audio book plays in the background. Or make a stack of board games for them to play together. Be sure each child knows this is a special time for just you and their sibling, but that they can look forward to their turn soon.
Planning for these times takes some intentionality, as well as a good dose of spontaneity, but it’s well worth making a priority.
Face hard things together
The Bible talks often of the value of facing life with another person. (See Ecclesiastes 4:9-12.) Especially in the hard times, our kids need to know we’re with them and for them. Whether it’s a worldwide pandemic or the uncertainty of a new school year, let’s give our kids the gift of knowing they’re not alone — that come what may, we’re in this together. And that even when we don’t have all the answers, we’ll walk through uncertain times with them.
Recently, God taught me that this concept of togetherness is also helpful when I must administer discipline. As our perfect Father, He wants to walk through hard times with us — even when they’re the result of our own foolish choices. So when possible, face the consequences with your child. If it’s a time out, have them sit in the room with you. If it’s an added chore, grab another broom and help them sweep the floor.
Let’s make sure our kids know we’ll face the future with them.
Invite them in
In Romans 14, we’re reminded to accept those who are different from us, because God also accepts that fellow believer. In the Bible’s original Greek, the word “accept” carries the connotation of welcoming into friendship.
I love that picture and the application it has on day-to-day family life. Each family member is so very unique, yet God calls us to welcome one another into friendship.
Invite them to work with you in the kitchen. Let them join your no-longer-quiet “quiet time.” Share your struggles and what God is teaching you through them. Let them walk with you through the ups and downs and ins and outs of everyday life.
As families, we have the privilege of enjoying human connections each and every day. Let’s invest in those relationships and be purposeful about doing life together.
My littlest coined the phrase a while back. In was her baby-talk way of asking me to spend “one-on-one time” with her. We laughed at the cute expression, but it stuck. Now we all use the term for our special mommy-and-me times.
We started this practice of one-on-one time a few years ago during a particularly frustrating parenting season. My days were spent correcting and instructing, yet the negative behavior continued. My husband suggested that maybe our kids needed some focused alone time with me – just the two of us having fun together.
Sure enough, it made a world of difference. Contentment settled in. Each child seemed to come alive as I joined him or her in doing things they love to do.
Our kids need more than training and discipline. They need us. They need to be reminded that we love them, that we enjoy spending time with them, that we think they’re really special – no matter how they behave.
Having fun together is a great way to help them remember.
Here are some tips for spending one-on-one time with our kids:
Let them choose
I don’t particularly love LEGOS – I’m a bit clueless when it comes to creating masterpieces from tiny bricks. But all three of my kids love playing with them, so LEGO building is a frequent choice for our times together. Sometimes we read books (my favorite). Other times we color or play a game. They all love the chance to pick our one-on-one activity.
Unplug
My phone is a frequent distraction. To eliminate the problem, it’s helpful to put it somewhere away from our hang-out spot. Text messages and notifications can wait. Putting our devices aside communicates to our kids that they are our priority.
Focus on the relationship
Whatever activity they choose, these alone times are a beautiful way to deepen our friendship with our kids. Ask open-ended questions. Talk about what’s going on in their lives. Point out things you love about them.
As we invest in our kids through focused time together, we model the heart of our God who takes great delight in His kids.
Sunday night, hubby came home from a week-long business convention in Pennsylvania. We stayed busy while he was gone – the big kids went to STEM camp each day, our littlest enjoyed several play dates with her besties, and I wrote lots and lots of words. When the weekend rolled around, we were all more than ready for Daddy to be home.
Except that I wasn’t ready when he got home.
Dinner wasn’t done. The bathroom deep clean that had exploded into our bedroom wasn’t… well, cleaned up. The laundry sat where I’d left it, waiting to be put on hangers and hung in the closet.
How I wanted everything to be perfect when he walked in the door. But alas, real life got in the way.
And guess what? He didn’t care.
He just wanted to be with us. To hear about our week and tell us about his. To snuggle up close and enjoy the evening together.
As I bustled about the kitchen trying to hurry the cooking along, I remembered the story of another woman with whose life I so often relate.
Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her” Luke 10:38-42.
I so get Martha! She loved Jesus and wanted everything to be perfect for Him. That meal in the oven was an expression of her affection. She longed to make Him comfortable, to help Him feel at home.
Yet all Jesus wanted was her.
Her heart, her focus, her devotion – not shown through works done in His name, but through responding to His loving pursuit.
In contrast to restless Martha, there sat Mary — the picture of a quiet heart.
Yeah, there were unfinished chores to be done. But Jesus had arrived, and she had to be near Him.
Serving from a distance just would not do.
If He was sitting in the living room, that’s where Mary wanted to be. If He went to the dining room, you’d find her there. If He walked outside, she’d join Him there, too.
Mary was preoccupied with Jesus.
The Bible mentions this Mary several other times – once at Lazarus’ tomb, where she brought her grief to Jesus just before He raised her brother from the dead, and again at a dinner party, where she anointed His feet with expensive perfume as an act of worship*.
In both scenarios, Mary went where Jesus was. She loved Him and needed Him, so she ran to Him with zero hesitation.
Oh, God, give me such a heart! May I never be content with days full of service yet absent of connection with You. Teach me to cultivate Your presence, both in my “daily quiet times” and in middle of my everyday crazy.
How about you? How do you practice the presence of God? In what ways do you cultivate a quiet heart? I’d love to hear – please leave a comment below!
Dinner wasn’t done. The bathroom deep clean that had exploded into our bedroom wasn’t… well, cleaned up. The laundry sat where I’d left it, waiting to be put on hangers and hung in the closet.