Taming the Tongue

Taming the Tongue

Sometimes I just can’t control my tongue.

It was not a good day. For whatever reason, we were just off. I was irritable and impatient. I found myself correcting every little infraction, every childish noise. The more I corrected, the more frustrated I became. And the more my kids acted up.

After snapping at one of my children, I realized I needed help. This downward spiral was not going to improve without divine intervention.

“Lord, please help me control my tongue!”

As I whispered the prayer, the following verse came to mind: “…What you say flows from what is in your heart” (Luke 6:45b, NLT).

My shoulders slumped. If restraining my tongue is a difficult job, changing my heart is impossible. I’ve tried unsuccessfully to do it for many years.

Discouragement gave way to hope, however, as I remembered God is more than able to do just that. His power is infinitely greater than my sin. In love, He pointed out the root of my tongue troubles, not to condemn me, but to show the deeper level on which He wants to work (see Romans 8:1 and 1 John 1:9).

“Lord, change my heart, so love and grace can flow out of me.” My prayer had changed, just as my heart was changing.

Are you struggling to control your tongue today? Be encouraged. God is willing and able to change the heart out of which your mouth speaks. Here are some things to keep in mind:

  • Recognize the root

Ask God to show you the root of your struggle. I’ve realized I become most irritable when I feel out of control – like when the house is a mess and company is coming over and I can’t keep my kids focused on their chores. Or when I just want the day to run smoothly so I’m not inconvenienced or made uncomfortable.

  • Pray for heart change

God wants to deal with sin, not merely on the behavior level, but at its core. Once we realize why our tongues are out of control, we can pray for heart change in those specific areas. We’re also more equipped to recognize these heart issues early on, before our tongues take control.

Last week, I became increasingly frustrated during a family chore time. God reminded me that I didn’t have to control the situation, that if my friends arrived before the house was clean, it was okay. As I surrendered to His control, my heart calmed down and my tongue stayed in check.

  • See the good

As parents, it’s easy to focus on things in our kids’ lives which need correction. While correction is essential, our children also need abundant affirmation and praise. They need us to notice their effort, to applaud them for making the hard choice to do right, to affirm the work of God we see in their lives. They need to know we are for them. That we love them and enjoy them and would choose them out of all the kids in the world. God can help us see the good He wants us to affirm in our kids – we just have to ask Him.

The tongue may be impossible to tame, but our God is able to do the impossible. As we allow Him to change our hearts, we’ll notice a drastic change in our tongues, as well as in our parenting.

Good Gifts Gone Bad

Good Gifts Gone Bad

by Meredith Mills

@DazzledByTheSon

Sometimes you’ve got to give yourself a time out.

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For several months, I’ve been very intentional about writing regularly, trying to post here on a weekly basis. But last week, I chose not to write. At all.

God told me not to.

I had lots of work to do – A book proposal waiting to be revised, a book in process, a weekly blog post, a monthly contribution to Just18Summers and another article to complete by the end of the month.

Clearly, I didn’t have time to take the week off.

But God showed me that writing had become an idol.

An Idol.

It’s a rather church-y word, one that’s lost much of its meaning to modern American Christians. We read about idols throughout the Bible, but they can seem like distant relics of the past or an unfamiliar element of cultures somewhere else in the world.

Maybe we need to rethink the word.

Maybe addiction is more relevant to our modern minds.

Unlike statues of gold, addictions can be much harder to recognize, but they’re just as insidious.

Some addictions are big and ugly and obvious. But most of them aren’t. Most start as good gifts, designed by God for our enjoyment and use.

But they become addictions when we find our identity in them.

When we panic at the thought of losing them – even temporarily.

When we can’t stop thinking about them.

When we look for comfort, peace or healing in them.

When they drive and control us.

That’s what happened with my writing. I had taken it up as a hobby several years ago. It was a refreshing way to process my thoughts and emotions and a means of sharing with others what God is doing in my life.

But I’ve grown to love the feeling of completing a piece and meeting a deadline. I get excited when I hear how God ministered to someone through my words. I enjoy reading comments and feedback.

Those good things, however, took root in my heart and seeped into my identity. They began driving and controlling me like a task-master.

What started as a good gift became an addiction, an idol.

When God showed me this, I asked Him what to do about it. Not all idols can, or even should, be completely discarded. I’ve wrestled with a food addiction for much of my life, but I certainly can’t quit eating.

As I prayed, Jesus reminded me of this verse: “…Take every thought captive to obey Christ” 2 Corinthians 10:4-5

Just as my thoughts need to obey Jesus, the gifts I’ve received need to be under His control as well.

My writing needs to obey Jesus – the time I spend on it, the projects I undertake, the very words I say.

My eating habits should obey Jesus – what I eat, when I eat, how much I eat.

My parenting ought to obey Jesus – how I speak to my kids, the way I train and discipline them, the activities we chose to do as a family.

My role as a wife needs to obey Jesus – how I talk to and about my husband, how I respond to him, the priority I give our relationship.

My people-pleasing personality should obey Jesus, so that His pleasure is my heart’s desire and satisfaction.

My use of time needs to obey Jesus.

Absolutely every area of my life needs to obey Jesus.

Because this is what following Him is all about – my whole self living in full surrender to the God who invites me to find rest in Him. Rest from the idols that drive me, rest from the law that condemns me, rest in Christ’s work and rest in the nearness of God.

While idols and addictions consume those who cling to them, Jesus offers the abundant life for which our souls were created. (See John 10:10.)

How about you? Are there any idols lurking in the shadows of your soul? Any addictions strangling your abundant life?

God loves us too much to let us continue worshiping at the feet of things that will destroy us. Will you bring your idols to Him and let Him show you how to bring them under His control? no idols

I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments! Please respond below.

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Pondering Perfection

Pondering Perfection

“Please don’t let me mess up. Help me not to make a mistake.”

microphone-2479265_1280I stood in front of our church congregation, filling in as a member of the worship team. I would be leading out on the next song. My stomach was in knots as I thought through all that could possibly go wrong, things that have gone wrong in the past.

I could forget the words. My voice could crack. I could miss that high note.

Listening to the song’s intro (my heart obviously not worshiping), I realized something quite convicting – I’m quick to admit I’m not perfect. I talk about transparency and the importance of being real, of extending grace in our weaknesses and laughing at our embarrassing moments.

But I don’t like people to see me make mistakes. I want to control which imperfections they observe.

It’s one thing to talk about our mistakes and embarrassments, even our sins, in the past tense. It’s another matter to mess up when people are watching.

For most of my life, I’ve aimed at perfection. It seems a worthy pursuit. Jesus Himself said, “You are to be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Matthew 5:48).

When the Bible uses this word perfect, however, it has the connotation of completeness and maturity.

This term “can be used in a relative or absolute sense…God’s perfection is absolute; man’s is relative reaching the goal set for Him by God with each individual different according to one’s God-given ability.” – Lexical Aids to the New Testament, Key Word Study Bible

God is perfect. He’s sinless and holy. He needs and lacks nothing.

bean-1512433_1280We, His children, on the other hand, are in the process of becoming perfect and mature. We’ve been declared righteous and our sins have been washed away. Yet the Holy Spirit is about the lifelong work of forming Christ in us – and He’s not in a hurry.

True perfection, like all of Christianity, revolves around Jesus, not our own efforts to keep a good image or avoid mistakes. Jesus is our example, as well as our Source of transformation. He uses even our weaknesses to mature us and make us like Christ. (See 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.)

So today, instead of focusing on myself and the image I want to maintain, I choose to rejoice in the work God is doing in my heart, my life and my home.

ChristianPerfectionHow about you? How is Jesus perfecting you these days?

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Lessons from my Old Guitar

Sometimes I feel so on top of things. The days are going just as scheduled. Everything is flowing nicely. I’m checking things off that endless “to-do” list and loving the feeling of accomplishment.

And other days, it’s quite the opposite.

Like today.

I’m sitting here in my cozy, quiet-time chair, not because the house is quiet, but because it’s not – and neither is my heart. It’s been a day of playing catch-up with my schedule, of telling little people to calm down, to read that sentence again, to pay attention, to do your chores, to wait just a minute while I finish helping your sister…It’s been that kind of day. That kind of week, actually.

So I’m asking God to quiet my restless heart.

Across the room, my old guitar catches my eye. It sits like a tribute to yesteryear, to days gone by when I actually had time to play. As I stare at it, I think to myself, I feel like one of those tightly-wound strings – stretched taut against the fretboard. I hate feeling this way.

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But then I realize…that tension is precisely what makes the sound of the guitar beautiful. Each string is pulled just right, bringing the entire instrument into tune. It would never make music without the tension.

Music in general is full of mounting tension and then release, of chaotic dissonance and then resolve. These contrasts bring interest and beauty to the piece. They are marks of a good composer.

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How very like life.

Though I long for peaceful days absent of struggle, I often find God composing beauty in the chaos. He is writing the song of my life through each and every season, each and every day. In the problems I face, He is crafting loveliness where there would otherwise be none.

“The name of the LORD is a strong tower. The righteous runs into it and is safe” (Prov 18:10). 

For every struggle, there is Jesus.

– When I need to problem-solve – ”All the treasures of wisdom and knowledge are hidden in [Christ]” (Col 2:3).

– When chaos and instability threaten to engulf me – “And He will be the stability of your times, a wealth of salvation, wisdom and knowledge…” (Is 33:6).

– When my heart hurts – “Blessed be…the Father of mercies and God of all comfort” (2 Cor 1:3).

– When I feel the sting of rejection – “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are Mine. (Is 43:1). “…I have loved you with an everlasting love, therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness” (Jer 31:3).

– When I am in need – “And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus” (Phil 4:19).

– When I sin – “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 Jn 1:9). “He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west” (Ps 103:12).

– When I am weary – “Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matt 11:28).

What a comfort to know that God is always there, always working to bring about good for His children (Rom 8:28). May we daily press closer to this God who meets our every need. And may we learn to hear the music He is creating in our lives.

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What needs has Jesus met for you this week? How do you see Him orchestrating beauty in your life?

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