Taming the Tongue

Taming the Tongue

Sometimes I just can’t control my tongue.

It was not a good day. For whatever reason, we were just off. I was irritable and impatient. I found myself correcting every little infraction, every childish noise. The more I corrected, the more frustrated I became. And the more my kids acted up.

After snapping at one of my children, I realized I needed help. This downward spiral was not going to improve without divine intervention.

“Lord, please help me control my tongue!”

As I whispered the prayer, the following verse came to mind: “…What you say flows from what is in your heart” (Luke 6:45b, NLT).

My shoulders slumped. If restraining my tongue is a difficult job, changing my heart is impossible. I’ve tried unsuccessfully to do it for many years.

Discouragement gave way to hope, however, as I remembered God is more than able to do just that. His power is infinitely greater than my sin. In love, He pointed out the root of my tongue troubles, not to condemn me, but to show the deeper level on which He wants to work (see Romans 8:1 and 1 John 1:9).

“Lord, change my heart, so love and grace can flow out of me.” My prayer had changed, just as my heart was changing.

Are you struggling to control your tongue today? Be encouraged. God is willing and able to change the heart out of which your mouth speaks. Here are some things to keep in mind:

  • Recognize the root

Ask God to show you the root of your struggle. I’ve realized I become most irritable when I feel out of control – like when the house is a mess and company is coming over and I can’t keep my kids focused on their chores. Or when I just want the day to run smoothly so I’m not inconvenienced or made uncomfortable.

  • Pray for heart change

God wants to deal with sin, not merely on the behavior level, but at its core. Once we realize why our tongues are out of control, we can pray for heart change in those specific areas. We’re also more equipped to recognize these heart issues early on, before our tongues take control.

Last week, I became increasingly frustrated during a family chore time. God reminded me that I didn’t have to control the situation, that if my friends arrived before the house was clean, it was okay. As I surrendered to His control, my heart calmed down and my tongue stayed in check.

  • See the good

As parents, it’s easy to focus on things in our kids’ lives which need correction. While correction is essential, our children also need abundant affirmation and praise. They need us to notice their effort, to applaud them for making the hard choice to do right, to affirm the work of God we see in their lives. They need to know we are for them. That we love them and enjoy them and would choose them out of all the kids in the world. God can help us see the good He wants us to affirm in our kids – we just have to ask Him.

The tongue may be impossible to tame, but our God is able to do the impossible. As we allow Him to change our hearts, we’ll notice a drastic change in our tongues, as well as in our parenting.

Pondering Perfection

Pondering Perfection

“Please don’t let me mess up. Help me not to make a mistake.”

microphone-2479265_1280I stood in front of our church congregation, filling in as a member of the worship team. I would be leading out on the next song. My stomach was in knots as I thought through all that could possibly go wrong, things that have gone wrong in the past.

I could forget the words. My voice could crack. I could miss that high note.

Listening to the song’s intro (my heart obviously not worshiping), I realized something quite convicting – I’m quick to admit I’m not perfect. I talk about transparency and the importance of being real, of extending grace in our weaknesses and laughing at our embarrassing moments.

But I don’t like people to see me make mistakes. I want to control which imperfections they observe.

It’s one thing to talk about our mistakes and embarrassments, even our sins, in the past tense. It’s another matter to mess up when people are watching.

For most of my life, I’ve aimed at perfection. It seems a worthy pursuit. Jesus Himself said, “You are to be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Matthew 5:48).

When the Bible uses this word perfect, however, it has the connotation of completeness and maturity.

This term “can be used in a relative or absolute sense…God’s perfection is absolute; man’s is relative reaching the goal set for Him by God with each individual different according to one’s God-given ability.” – Lexical Aids to the New Testament, Key Word Study Bible

God is perfect. He’s sinless and holy. He needs and lacks nothing.

bean-1512433_1280We, His children, on the other hand, are in the process of becoming perfect and mature. We’ve been declared righteous and our sins have been washed away. Yet the Holy Spirit is about the lifelong work of forming Christ in us – and He’s not in a hurry.

True perfection, like all of Christianity, revolves around Jesus, not our own efforts to keep a good image or avoid mistakes. Jesus is our example, as well as our Source of transformation. He uses even our weaknesses to mature us and make us like Christ. (See 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.)

So today, instead of focusing on myself and the image I want to maintain, I choose to rejoice in the work God is doing in my heart, my life and my home.

ChristianPerfectionHow about you? How is Jesus perfecting you these days?

Related posts:

The Gardener

Thanksgiving in the Midst of Failure

 

 

Free to Be Me

The secret is out. This is the real me.

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A few weeks ago, we joined a homeschool co-op. I prepped my kids ahead of time…reminding them to be friendly, to be interested in others, to introduce themselves. You know, basic friend-making stuff. But inwardly, I was a bit anxious myself. I’m not naturally outgoing. Being the first to introduce myself is not exactly in my comfort zone. I, too, was hoping to make connections that would lead to new friendships.

I guess I was hoping to impress people, to make them like me.

You can imagine my embarrassment when, at the end of the first day, I had to search for my misplaced phone. I found it in the office. Assuming someone had turned it in, I asked where it had been found. The sweet lady gave me a puzzled look and told me it had been sitting on the desk all morning. Only then did I remember that I had come to the office first thing that morning in search of name tags. Hmmm….well, she’s not going to think of me as the most organized person in the group.

But really, it wasn’t that big of a deal. Anyone can misplace their phone. (I just happen to do it all the time!)

However, when this same person locks her keys in the car the very next week…Well, the secret is out. This is the real me.

I spent nearly the entire final period in the parking lot waiting for a locksmith. The locksmith, of course, showed up in a huge conspicuous tow truck, just as classes were letting out and people were coming to their cars. He was a jolly fellow – asked how my day was going, as if locking oneself out of one’s car adds humor and excitement to the day.

I guess I should have smiled about it, laughed it off. But I was too worried about what people were thinking.

Ah, people pleasing. I know it well.

It can be paralyzing at times. I spend so much time trying to keep everyone happy. I work hard to make people think well of me – even when it means hiding my quirks and imperfections.

It’s an exhausting way to live, and God is teaching me that we were never designed to live this way.

Can I share with you what I’m learning? Because maybe, just maybe, I’m not alone in this people-pleasing craziness.

First, a person’s value lies not in what we do (or don’t do), but in who we are. Our Maker says we are “remarkably and wonderfully made” (Ps 139:14 HCSB). We bear the image of God (Gen 1:26-27). We are infinitely loved and valued – not because of our own merit or loveliness, but because God has set His love upon us (Eph 2:4-5).

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Second, we all have emotional needs that God alone can satisfy. The longing for acceptance is a God-given desire. Its purpose is to lead us to Him. When we look to Him in faith, we find that we are relentlessly adored, unconditionally accepted, and even greatly liked – quirks and all. (See Hos 2:14-19, Eph 3:12, Zeph 3:17.) On the other hand, looking to people to meet this need will lead to disappointment and conflict.

Third, another person’s opinion does not define us. This may seem obvious, but I have many times internalized a rejection (real or perceived), as if it were true of me. When our identity is built on who God says we are, we can come back to that reality every time we begin to feel otherwise.

Finally, true friendships are based on transparency and acceptance. If we keep our shortcomings hidden, the relationship will not be genuine. We’ll wear ourselves out trying to keep up the charade.
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This is, of course, not a “blanket excuse” for hurtful behavior. We shouldn’t excuse sin or selfishness under the guise of “just being myself.” In living authentically, we should never lose sight of grace.

But oh, the freedom of walking confidently in faith. When those shackles of fear start to fall off – what a glorious new beginning! It’s taking place in my life. How about you? How has God helped you overcome people-pleasing? I’d love to learn from your journey!

This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel says, ‘In repentance and rest is your salvation. In quietness and trust is your strength…’” (Is 30:15).

Rest for the Restless

Driven by duty, or led by love? It makes a difference.

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“Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from Me,  for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light” Matthew 11:28-30.

Am I the only one who has had a problem with those verses? The Christian life as rest – what? An easy yoke and a light burden? Experience told me otherwise.

Until recently.

Until life crumbled and weakness won out. Until I could no longer keep up with the “good girl” life. Until everything I believed came unraveled. (To read about my journey, click here.)

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In that place of weakness, with crumbled faith and nothing to offer God, I experienced rest. The God of rest came to me and picked me up. He gathered me in His arms and carried me close to His heart (see Isaiah 40:11). And there, near His heart, I began to learn from Him. And I found rest for my soul.

I had spent my life driven to do. Do more. Do better. Just keep doing. He deserves my best, after all. But the doing was never enough because I knew that Jesus had said heart motives were just as important as actions (see Matt 5:20-22, 27-28). I could never measure up. How could this possibly be rest?

But I learned, there near His heart, that God does not drive His children to do. We are not cattle prodded along a path, a destination to be reached by morning. Instead, He leads us as a shepherd leads his sheep (Ps 23). The shepherd guides them beside still waters. He gives them green pastures in which to rest.

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In fact, the Hebrew word here for lead  carries the connotation of guiding to a place of rest and refreshment. It means to lead with care. In Exodus 15:13, we read, “In Your unfailing love You will lead the people You have redeemed. In Your strength You will guide them to Your holy dwelling.” He leads us with unfailing love. And did you catch where He is guiding us? To His “dwelling.” To His presence. Into deeper intimacy and friendship. He is not trying to get us somewhere. He is bringing us near. That’s where He is leading us. Closer.

Our Shepherd has a loving relationship with His sheep. He knows each of us by name. And the sheep know and trust His voice (John 10:3-18), because we walk with Him. The picture is one of sweet companionship.

In the opening passage from Matthew, Jesus uses another word picture to describe our relationship with Him. He invites us into His “yoke.” He shares our burdens with us. He’s not the farmer driving the oxen. He’s in the yoke working with us. We find rest as we learn from Him. As we keep in step with Him.

This Christian life is not lived for Him. It’s lived by Him – He leads; we follow (John 10:3-5). He empowers; we walk in victory (Col 1:11, Rom 8:37). He works in us; our lives please Him (Phil 2:13). Our job is to rest – in who He is and what He has done for us. Our work is abide in Him and let Him bear fruit through us (John 15:4-5).

What does resting in Jesus look like in your life? Any practical tips for resting when life is anything but restful? I’d love to hear your thoughts!