by MeredithNMills | Oct 31, 2017 | fear, grace, growing in Christ, Hope in the Midst of Heartache, Loneliness, Uncategorized
By Meredith Mills
@DazzledByTheSon
Why, God? Why?
Has that question ever haunted you? Does your faith flounder when life deals a low blow, like our punching bag shuddering before my kids’ Kung Fu fists?
Mine does sometimes, especially when logic goes unsatisfied and cliché answers just won’t do. It’s been one of those seasons for me lately as we’ve grieved with several friends over the loss of beloved family members.
If you, too, wonder why, I invite you into the wrestling match within my soul.
Here are some of the questions I’ve been asking God lately:
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If You are sovereign, as Your Word says You are, why do You sometimes allow horrible things to happen? I get the whole “free will” thing – some people chose to hurt others. And if I’m honest, I hurt others at times, too.
But why accidents? If You are good, as I’ve tasted and seen You are, why don’t You stop them before they occur?
I can’t make sense of this. And my heart is afraid to trust You with my future.
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Oh, the comfort of bringing my restless heart to Jesus and listening as He speaks through His Spirit and His Word. 
God led me to the story of Jesus at Lazarus’ tomb (John 11). Remember that time when He could have stopped His friend from dying, but He didn’t? He didn’t get there in time – on purpose.
I’ve never before noticed the connection between verses five and six. “Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So when He heard that Lazarus was sick, He stayed where He was two more days.”
What?
Because He loved them, He stayed away long enough to let Lazarus die.
That seems utterly illogical. Lazarus’ sisters thought so, too. They both essentially accused Jesus of not loving them because He let their brother die through His tardiness. Divine love often baffles human reason.
Yet Jesus didn’t get angry with their questions or rebuke their boldness. On the contrary, He did something quite the opposite.
Jesus wept (John 11:35).
He knew the miracle He was about to perform – He would command death to release it’s grip on His friend. Within minutes, He would restore Lazarus to life and give him back into his sisters’ arms.
Yet His heart was so deeply moved by His loved ones’ suffering that He, too, wept with them. He felt their pain, and He feels ours, too.
He could have prevented Lazarus’ death, but He saw a bigger picture. Instead, He drew near to the sisters and wept with them.
This is Emmanuel, God with us. Near to the brokenhearted. A very present help in our need (Psalm 34:18, 46:1). The God of comfort restores shattered lives, trades beauty for ashes and replaces heaviness with praise.
He knows the end of our story, too – that for believers in Jesus, death is not the end. One day our suffering will be over. Like Lazarus and his sisters, we will be reunited with those gone before us into heaven.
But Jesus’ knowledge of the future doesn’t prevent Him from feeling our pain in the present or pouring out His comfort in abundant measure. 
After weeping with Mary and Martha, He proved that He Himself is the resurrection and the life. Death has no hold on Him. And one day, it will have no hold on us either.
Until that day, there will be many unanswered questions. Many times we won’t understand or feel the love of God. We’ll have many opportunities to wrestle with Him and choose faith when nothing makes sense, because we’ve found that Jesus alone holds life, hope, healing and peace.
He will set all things right someday.
In the meantime, He is so close, and His nearness is our good.
How has God walked you through wrestling matches of the soul? I’d love to hear – please leave a comment below.
Related posts:
When Life Hurts
When Life Eclipses God
Shields are not Just for Superheroes
A Good Good Father
by MeredithNMills | Feb 28, 2017 | abiding in Christ, Hope in the Midst of Heartache, knowing God, Uncategorized, Victorious Living, Waiting, Walking by Faith
Have you ever won the lottery?
No? Well, don’t feel bad – I haven’t either. (Of course, I hear you have to play to have a chance at winning, so maybe that has something to do with it.)
How about being chosen in a drawing, like at the Home and Garden’s Expo? You just fill out a little slip of paper, giving them all your personal information, then sit back and wait for a phone call. Sounds easy enough. I’d enjoying having new windows for my entire house.
Or even just the “guess how many jelly beans are in the jar” game? Nope. I’ve haven’t won that one either.
I’ve never been a lucky person.
My husband, on the other hand, now he was an altogether different story. He used to win drawings and prizes a lot. Until he married me.
Whatever your views on luck versus the sovereignty of God, there’s something inside each of us that loves to win. Be it small or big, we humans delight in attaining something of value.
Recently, I was wrestling through a life circumstance I wanted God to change. I thought this change would simplify life and add value to my days. I read and began memorizing the following verses – “The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord” (Lamentations 3:25-26).
So, I waited. And I prayed. And I tried to change things on my own, which I guess isn’t really waiting on God.
Then I grew resentful when God didn’t bring the change I sought. I prayed and waited and tried some more.
And then I gave up.
God showed me that, while I love Him and desire to follow Him, I was fighting the direction He’d given. I was fighting Him.
You know, if I were God (and it’s a good thing I’m not), I’d be pretty irritated when my child wouldn’t follow my instructions. When, after lavishing goodness upon her, she kicked and squirmed and tried to run the other direction, I would find my patience growing thin.
But wonder of wonders, God didn’t treat me that way.
First Timothy 1:16 describes Jesus as “immensely patient.” And that’s exactly what I’ve found. With gentleness and grace, He led me to a place of surrender.
Oh, that word. Sometimes it makes me cringe. It feels so unnatural to surrender to someone else’s control. But this, like everything else in Christianity, is a matter of faith.
It’s a conscious choice to believe that the heart of God is good. To trust that He really does have my well being in mind. To act upon the belief that He sees the bigger picture and higher purpose.
I was waiting for God to grant me the “prize” for which I prayed. Instead, He gave me more of Himself. And I realized that Jesus is the prize, the treasure of infinite value.
People “surrender” many things for the chance at winning a prize – time, money, personal information…And any prize that we gain is temporal and sometimes worth very little.
But when Jesus asks us to surrender, He offers us in exchange the priceless gift of friendship with God.
Surrender
Paul said “I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ” (Philippians 3:8).
And might I add a side note? When I surrendered, I told God, “Lord, I’ll do what You ask. But I can’t keep living like this – discontent, restless, angry. You have to change my heart. I’ve been trying to change myself, to pull myself out of this pit. But I can’t do it. So You’ll have to.”
And that’s exactly what He did.
After that step of faith, God began restoring joy to my soul. Where there was striving, there is peace. Where there was resentment, there is rest. I don’t know what the future holds, or how He will lead tomorrow.
But I know He’s good. And that’s good enough for me.
Related Posts:
Good Good Father
When Dreams Lie Dormant
I Need Counseling
by MeredithNMills | Jan 7, 2016 | Uncategorized
It always makes me a little sad, taking down Christmas decorations. All the tinsel and lights and evergreen beauty – even as an adult, it still seems a bit magical. But now it’s over and time to get back to work.
And then there’s the new year.
It used to fill me with excitement and hope. I would dream of what lies ahead and celebrate with anticipation. But I’ve noticed an unwelcome change in my heart over the last few years. Maybe I’ve become pessimistic. Maybe I’ve just come to love a simple life and don’t want things to change.
Actually, I think I’m afraid.
Afraid of what lies ahead. Afraid of losing what I love or of the discomfort of change. Fear can wield such a vise grip on my heart. Indeed, it has been one of the greatest struggles of my adult life.
This is no small matter for a follower of Jesus, because fear sabotages faith.
When fear moves in, joy and peace get pushed out. Trusting God is replaced by anxiety and “what if’s.” And the longer fear is entertained, the more it takes over. Where fear once was a nagging thought, it begins to command center stage. Instead of walking by faith, self-preservation becomes the goal. Instead of eyes fixed on Jesus, I’m distracted by myself and my surroundings.
But thank God, He’s the Lifter of my head. Thank God, the Holy Spirit is my Teacher. Thank God, He doesn’t leave me here. Thank God He still quiets raging storms – even storms of the heart.
And He reminds me…
He is completely in control. There’s not a ruler or a nation, an organization or a terrorist, a tragedy or a trial, a sickness or even death, that He is not Lord over. He is more powerful than any “giant” I will ever face.
He is abundantly good. There is a lot in life that is not good. A whole lot of things are just downright horrible. But our heavenly Daddy is always working for our good. While He allows free will and human choice, while the evils of a sin-ridden world run their course, He promises to bring good out of it for His own. His intention toward us is kind. Love is the heartbeat of our Redeemer. And He Himself is well-acquainted with grief, so He’s able to comfort us when we need it.
I am of great value to my God. When Jesus taught His disciples about overcoming fear, He based His command “Do not be afraid” on this fact: God notices every bird that falls to the ground. We (whom Jesus calls His friends!) are of much greater value than the birds, so there’s nothing to fear! Nothing in heaven or on earth could cause Him to forget His friends. He is ever attentive to our prayers and our plight.
I am never alone. Sometimes I catch myself dwelling on “what if’s.” But if I stop to think about it, I realize that the presence of God is noticeably absent in these scenarios. Here’s the reality – never will I face a trial or a struggle on my own. The indwelling Spirit of God, with all His infinite power and wisdom, is forever my Companion.
So when fear invades, this is how God is teaching me to respond. (This, of course, relates to unwarranted fear. In truly dangerous situations, fear can be a God-given response compelling us to “fight or flight.”)
Ask God for discernment. Is there a legitimate danger I need to face or flee? If not, then…
Notice whose “voice” I’m listening to. The devil’s native tongue is deceit, and he’s a master at distraction. If I’m entertaining fear, I’m most likely believing something that’s not true. Or forgetting something that is true.
Seek God for the truth that counters any lie.
Respond in faith, based on the truth. Quite often, the response of faith is opposite of what fear is driving me to do.
So, as I face the new year, I rejoice that our God became man, conquered death and is forever with us through His Spirit. He has good things stored up for His kids, and one day He will set all things right. In the meantime, His nearness is our good.
“But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all Your works!” Ps 73:28.
May we treasure that nearness and trust His heart.
What about you? How do you respond when facing uncertain times? I’d love to learn what God has taught you!
Don’t take my word for it! Check out these passages:
Ps 31:19; 89:6,8; Rom 8:28,39; Eph 1:5,9; Zeph 3:17; Isa 53:3; 1 Jn 4: 8-10; Matt 10:29-31; Lk 12: 4-32; Isa 49:15-16; Heb 13:5
