The question tugged at the corners of my soul as I trudged through each day. A dark cloud hovered over every waking moment. And sleep? That was a struggle, too. I had one bed-wetter and another child with night-terrors, so the sleep I did get was often fragmented and restless.
How I hated mornings. I dreaded facing a new day.
How can I be a good mom when I feel so sad, so weary, so…depressed?
Numbness presided over my heart. Things that used to bring joy now seemed empty and hollow. Routine tasks overwhelmed me with paralyzing force. I didn’t want to go out, didn’t want to do fun activities with my kids and especially didn’t want to talk about how I was really feeling.
Depression carries such a stigma. If I admitted my daily struggle, I feared people would see me as weak or unspiritual. They might lecture or give unhelpful help. They might judge me.
Oh, what a prison depression can be. It’s like walking through a deep, dark valley with insurmountable cliffs towering high above, blocking out any ray of light or hope for escape.
I’ve spent time there and come out the other side. May I share with you what I learned?
Get real with God.
Jesus calls Himself “the God of hope” and invites us to pour out our hearts to Him.
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” Romans 15:13 ESV
“Trust in Him at all times, O people. Pour out your heart before Him. God is a refuge for us.” Psalm 62:8 ESV
His heart is kind and full of compassion, not condemnation. He can handle our pain and is not disappointed when we struggle. He is still a miracle worker and healer of hearts.
Let others in.
It’s hard to own this struggle, but admitting our need and asking for help is a huge step in the healing process. Maybe it’s a trusted friend or a prayer group that can lift us up before God. Maybe it’s a doctor who can evaluate things from a medical perspective.
Do something for yourself.
This may sound selfish, but sometimes it’s the healthiest, most unselfish thing we can do. We can’t pour into the lives of others if our own tank is on empty. Find something that gives you rest, even enjoyment, and make room for that in your life.
Progress, not perfection.
The day may seem daunting, the job overwhelming. Instead of striving for perfection, aim for progress and rejoice in each step.
Our God is patient as He forms Christ in us. He is not in a hurry, nor is He disappointed that we’re not further down the road to recovery. Becoming like Jesus is a life-long process that God is committed to completing.
“And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” Philippians 1:6 ESV
Depression is a cruel companion, but it does not define us. We are not helpless victims, but treasured children of an all-powerful God. He is always close at hand and has made us more than conquerors through His unconditional love.
Saturday is our family’s favorite day of the week.
From Sunday through Friday, we’re busy with school, work, church, sports, music, playdates, and the general busyness which accompanies family life.
But on Saturday, we take a breath.
We eat waffles for breakfast and the kids listen to radio adventures on a local Christian station. Most Saturdays, very little gets done until at least lunchtime. Sometimes the whole day is “unproductive” (as far as my to-do list is concerned).
But in reality, a lot happens on Saturday.
Not easily measured, the benefits of the day are experienced on the soul level. Our kids travel to faraway lands on imaginary explorations. My husband and I have time to just talk. I catch up on snuggles with my littlest and she often joins me in spending time with God.
On occasion, life redirects our Saturday routine. A swim meet or birthday party may call us away from home. Some Saturdays are as full as the rest of the week. But in general, we protect the day like any other appointment on our calendar.
Because Saturdays keep us going and refill us for the week ahead.
In our busy culture where productivity is king, our bodies and souls cry out for rest. We aren’t designed to toil endlessly day after day. Rest is a gift from God, often stolen from us by the tyranny of the urgent. Yet our Creator invites us to be still and breathe and savor the things which feed our souls and enrich our lives.
Here are some thoughts on making room for rest:
Put it on the calendar
Routines vary from family to family and from one life season to another. An entire day may be impossible to block off in your week. Brainstorm as a family some ways you can carve out times of refreshment and togetherness. Whatever you decide upon, make sure to schedule it on your family calendar.
Be creative
I have a friend whose family does pizza and a movie at home every Friday night. At the end of a long week, it’s a great way to unwind and enjoy being together.
If your family likes to play games, you could declare one night of the week or month as “family game night.”
Reading aloud is also a great way to relax together. Our current favorite is The Green Ember series.
Look for family outing opportunities. We recently loaded everyone in the minivan and drove for an hour without telling the kids where we were going. Anticipation mounted as we neared the zoo for an after-hours members’ night. We had a blast watching animals that aren’t normally active during the day as we savored unhurried moments together.
Too quickly these days are becoming memories. Let’s make time for rest as we enjoy the people entrusted to us by the Giver of all good things.
Inwardly I cringed just a little. Outside that door, my husband was caring for our kids so I could spend some much-needed time with Jesus before starting the day. I relished the stillness as I quietly sipped my coffee.
But my preschooler was awake and she missed me.
I answered her knock. “Come in.”
All smiles, she opened the door and climbed up on the bed beside me. After a good morning hug and kiss, she said, “Can I stay in here?”
I hesitated, then said, “You’ll have to be quiet. Can you do that?” She promised she would.
Then she noticed the gratefulness journal sitting next to me. She’d seen it before and knew that’s where I record lists of things for which I’m thankful. “Can I write in it?” she queried.
Perfectionism reared its ugly head….
But that’s my journal. I’ve carefully arranged my lists of blessings in orderly columns, each bullet point lining up neatly under the one above. I don’t want four-year-old handwriting to mess it up!
But she wanted to add her own list of blessings. And thankfully, the Holy Spirit within me is stronger than my perfectionism.
I handed her a pen with instructions on where to write. She immediately set to work creating her own gratitude list. The first item on her list was God Himself.
She’s thankful for God.
Me, too. I’m thankful He patiently teaches me that times with Him don’t have to be interruption-free and gratitude lists don’t have to be perfectly formatted.
I’m thankful He set aside heaven’s perfection to enter our untidy, broken world. To walk among us and show us the Father’s heart.
And I’m thankful He’s teaching me to love my kids with His “people over projects” kind of affection.
That quiet time was far from quiet. My journal is no longer perfectly arranged.
But my little one and I remembered to give thanks. Then we knelt by the bed and talked to Jesus together. She caught a glimpse that day of what friendship with God looks like.
At its core, this is what Christian parenting is all about – modeling for our kids the treasure of knowing God and living in sync with Him.
As we seek to carry out this eternal mission, let’s keep the following in mind:
Invite them in
When we allow our kids to join our personal prayer times or share something God taught us recently, they see God actively involved in the big and small details of daily life.
Choose humility
Inevitably, we’re going to fall short, despite our best intentions and well-laid plans. In those moments, we have the opportunity to humble ourselves and ask their forgiveness, expressing confidence that God is still working on us. Someday, when they’re faced with their own failures and shortcomings, they’ll have our example of how to walk with Jesus through the struggles of life.
Love Jesus together
Be intentional about spending time with God together – reading and discussing the Bible, praying for needs as a family, talking about how God’s Word applies to everyday situations we face.
As refreshing as it is to enjoy truly quiet times with God, sometimes He offers the equally beautiful gift of togetherness when our little ones join us in conversing with Him. Eternity exists in those moments. Let’s embrace them and celebrate together the beauty of loving and being loved by God.
“Mama, you forgot to sing to me,” my son called from his bedroom.
Actually, I hadn’t forgotten. I was just tired and ready for the kids to be in bed, eager to go “off duty” for the night. So I had prayed for him, kissed him goodnight and shut the door.
But he remembered.
And inwardly, my heart rejoiced despite my weariness. I reentered his room, sang a verse of “The Old Rugged Cross” and kissed him goodnight one more time.
“I’m glad we eat together as a family,” said my pre-teen daughter as she served up a second helping. Her comment warmed my heart. I, too, love our shared moments around the table.
Sometimes they’re rushed as we squeeze in a meal before Wednesday night AWANA or some other obligation. But most often, our dinners are times of sweet fellowship as we experience life together.
Mealtimes provide a regular opportunity for us to touch base and talk about what’s going on in our everyday lives. Relationships blossom as we listen to each other’s hearts and respond with acceptance and love.
(Read the rest of this post over at Intentional Parenting, where I’m honored to be guesting today.)
We eat waffles for breakfast and the kids listen to radio adventures on a local Christian station. Most Saturdays, very little gets done until at least lunchtime. Sometimes the whole day is “unproductive” (as far as my to-do list is concerned).
“I’m glad we eat together as a family,” said my pre-teen daughter as she served up a second helping. Her comment warmed my heart. I, too, love our shared moments around the table.