“Mama, remember the time when we sat next to the elevator and ate a cookie?” My son smiled as he repeated the story.
He must have been four or five when we took that afternoon outing to the mall. We started out at the play place, then headed to the food court for a candy-filled cookie, sitting next to the glassed-in elevator as we ate.
My little man stared in awe. I marveled that a people-mover could be so fascinating. He studied it ever so carefully, trying to figure out exactly how it worked. He wanted to ride it a few times, but just watching it seemed to thrill him the most.
Fast forward several years, and he still recalls that day with affection.
Such a little thing – a simple date which cost all of five dollars, a mom who didn’t understand his fascination with elevators but loved watching her son learn, and a memory he still seems to treasure.
It’s funny what kids remember…
Of course, the big stuff builds memories, too – like our unexpected cross-country drive one Christmas when the Atlanta airport shut down and we still wanted to spend the holidays with my family. Or the planned-out birthday parties that leave parents exhausted but children feeling loved.
Those things are important, but so are the everyday moments we invest in our kids. We cultivate an atmosphere of love and security by doing the little things.
Here are a few thoughts to keep in mind:
Our day-to-day ministry helps shape their view of God.
Cooking meals and keeping a home isn’t the least bit glamorous. But when we meet their everyday needs, we paint the picture of a God who provides. Kids are free to thrive when they know we’re looking out for them.
Our day-to-day ministry helps shape their view of themselves.
We affirm their God-given worth and value when we prioritize time with them, setting aside our agendas (and our devices) to show our kids they matter more. We validate their opinions and feelings when we ask questions and listen to their hearts.
Our day-to-day ministry helps shape their future.
I’m often surprised at what my kids remember (like elevator-watching at the mall). They see more than we realize. Our consistent love helps them grow into the men and women God designed them to be.
But let’s be real. We parents do undeniably more than our kids could possibly notice. Yet God sees. He “is not unjust; He will not forget your work and the love you have shown Him as you have helped His people and continue to help them” (Hebrews 6:10, NIV). As we serve our families, we serve Jesus. I’m so glad He provides His strength, wisdom, and grace to help us love them well.
Yes, it’s funny what kids remember. In the big stuff and in the small, we’re making memories, building relationships, and shaping our children’s hearts for eternity.
It was not a good day. For whatever reason, we were justoff.I was irritable and impatient. I found myself correcting every little infraction, every childish noise. The more I corrected, the more frustrated I became.Andthe more my kids acted up.
After snapping at one of my children, I realized I needed help. This downward spiral was not going to improve without divine intervention.
“Lord, please help me control my tongue!”
As I whispered the prayer, the following verse came to mind: “…What you say flows from what is in your heart” (Luke 6:45b, NLT).
My shoulders slumped. If restraining my tongue is a difficult job, changing my heart is impossible. I’ve tried unsuccessfully to do it for many years.
Discouragement gave way to hope, however, as I remembered God is more than able to do just that. His power is infinitely greater than my sin. In love, He pointed out the root of my tongue troubles, not to condemn me, but to show the deeper level on which He wants to work (see Romans 8:1 and 1 John 1:9).
“Lord, change my heart, so love and grace can flow out of me.” My prayer had changed, just as my heart was changing.
Are you struggling to control your tongue today? Be encouraged. God is willing and able to change the heart out of which your mouth speaks. Here are some things to keep in mind:
Recognize the root
Ask God to show you the root of your struggle. I’ve realized I become most irritable when I feel out of control – like when the house is a mess and company is coming over and I can’t keep my kids focused on their chores. Or when I just want the day to run smoothly so I’m not inconvenienced or made uncomfortable.
Pray for heart change
God wants to deal with sin, not merely on the behavior level, but at its core. Once we realize why our tongues are out of control, we can pray for heart change in those specific areas. We’re also more equipped to recognize these heart issues early on, before our tongues take control.
Last week, I became increasingly frustrated during a family chore time. God reminded me that I didn’t have to control the situation, that if my friends arrived before the house was clean, it was okay. As I surrendered to His control, my heart calmed down and my tongue stayed in check.
See the good
As parents, it’s easy to focus on things in our kids’ lives which need correction. While correction is essential, our children also need abundant affirmation and praise. They need us to notice their effort, to applaud them for making the hard choice to do right, to affirm the work of God we see in their lives. They need to know we are for them. That we love them and enjoy them and would choose them out of all the kids in the world. God can help us see the good He wants us to affirm in our kids – we just have to ask Him.
The tongue may be impossible to tame, but our God is able to do the impossible. As we allow Him to change our hearts, we’ll notice a drastic change in our tongues, as well as in our parenting.
“Thank You, God, that we got to have waffles for breakfast. Thank You that we played Uno today. Thank You that we went to Pop and Tutu’s for dinner. Thank You for my jammies and my stuffed monkey and my pillow and…”
I stifled an impatient sigh as my five-year old prayed back through her day, giving thanks for both big and little blessings. Her prayer must have delighted God’s heart, but for this weary mom, it prolonged what I had hoped would be a quick goodnight.
By bedtime prayers each evening, I am done. Ready to tuck everyone in, hoping they don’t boomerang too many times for another sip of water or help with a scary shadow or one more trip to the potty. My to-do list is usually still running and I long for some down time before heading to bed and starting all over again tomorrow.
Sometimes it takes a kindergartener to give perspective on life’s truly important details…
“In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you” (1 Thessalonians 5:18).
Everything.
In every situation, every single day, we’re surrounded by expressions of our Father’s loving heart. It’s easy to get distracted by my next responsibility and miss the beauty of the moment. I tend to focus on what I want or need from God, while forgetting to notice the many things He’s already given me. And sometimes, life is just really hard. Gratitude is the last thing on my mind.
Yet God calls us to give thanks – He knows it does our hearts good. It turns our focus heavenward and deepens our love for the One who loved us first.
As we embark on this holiday season, let’s determine to cultivate thankfulness – not just for one day in the middle of two hectic months, but every day. Here are a couple of ways to practice gratitude together as a family:
Play the Alphabet Thankfulness Game
Sometimes while driving between lessons or errands, we play the Alphabet Thankfulness Game. Starting with A, we call out things we’re thankful God has given to us: apples, bunnies, cars, Daddy, etc. It’s a fun way to remind ourselves of God’s abundant goodness.
Record your blessings
Set out a journal or a basket with index cards and pens. Encourage family members to write down things for which they are thankful any time a blessing comes to mind. Our family uses a special “Blessing Box” – it’s currently sitting on my grandmothers’ hutch. In addition to dropping in cards describing out blessings, we also include prayer requests (and we try to remember to record how God answers).
In every season, Our Father delights in being good to His children. Every good thing comes from Him. Let’s ask Him to help us recognize His blessings and lead our children in cultivating a lifestyle of gratitude.
“I’m writing a note to God,” my preschooler announces proudly.
She thoughtfully scribbles her message on a 3×5 card, then opens the hinged lid of our ”Blessing Box” and adds her note to the jumbled mess of index cards. It looks disorderly, even confusing, but to me it’s a beautiful mess.
Each of those mismatched cards is a record of something important to us – a three-year old’s note to God, a list of things we’re thankful for, a prayer request and its subsequent answer.
I wish I could say we are systematic in adding cards to our blessing box. I wish I could tell you how often we take it out and read its contents. But, alas, this busy mama is far less organized and consistent than I like to admit.
Despite my unfulfilled great intentions, however, there it sits on my grandmother’s hutch in our bustling dining room—a constant reminder to count our many blessings, an ever-present invitation to recall the faithfulness of God.
We add to it at random. We open it up and read on occasion.
Like the other night when my oldest daughter put the box on the table before dinner. She gave each of us a blank card and instructed us write something for which we are thankful. Then she passed around the box for us to drop in our card and pick out another to read aloud.
Or the other morning when the kids and I all had bad attitudes and needed to reflect on God’s good gifts—our family and friends, an air-conditioned home, clothes and shoes, food and clean water, and the fact that Jesus loves children (my three-year-old’s contribution). Our focus shifted as we remembered the good things we’ve been given.
Or that season a while back when money was tight and work was slow. I recorded a very specific prayer request for provision and was thrilled to record God’s answer the very next day.
Many a memory is preserved in our treasured blessing box.
Do you have a place to record things for which you’re thankful? In case you’d like to create your own blessing box, here’s how we did it:
Choose a box – I picked one that fit our décor, because I planned for it to have a permanent home in a prominent location. I love the hinged lid because it’s easy for little hands to open (and can’t get lost!)
Stock up on pens and index or thankfulness cards. — We keep these in a nearby drawer so they’re always handy when we have something to record.
Get everyone involved — Our family knows that anyone can add to or read from our blessing box at any time.
This has been a great tool for us in cultivating gratitude and making memories as a family.
How do you count your blessings? I’d love to hear — please leave a comment below!
Summer vacation, that is. The heat is forecasted to stick with us for a while yet. The kids are back to their studies and our weekly routine is becoming more…routine.
I’m not sure what happened to the lazy days of summer, but we didn’t see many of them this year. All three kids swam on our neighborhood swim team and had a blast. A six-times-a-week blast. Then our son started cross country with one, then two, now three practices a week. There were other activities as well, like VBS and STEM camp and playdates.
While the kids were busy, I spent a lot of time writing and even tackled a few painting projects. Our summer was definitely full.
But as the school year approached and I went into prep mode for our homeschool and co-op, I realized life was about to get even busier.
Not going to lie – I’ve had a few meltdowns trying to keep up with everything. One night I jolted awake, gasping for breath as I realized I was in the middle of a panic attack. It seemed strange, because I wasn’t mentally worried about anything. Yet the emotional stress of trying to juggle all my responsibilities was taking its toll.
The irony of my current writing project has not escaped my notice. I mean, really. I’m writing a book on soul rest. It seems I may have picked the wrong topic.
Until I remember that I’m writing it because I’m learning it.
Rest is on my heart because God’s teaching me to rest it in the middle of our everyday crazy. Things may not slow down, at least not for long. But Jesus’ invitation to “come rest” remains unchanged in each life season.
Here are a few things He’s teaching me on this crazy, busy road:
Soul rest takes returning
“Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you” (Psalm 116:7). In the busyness, it’s easy to become unsettled. To grow restless when life feels out of control or when our insides are knotted up for one reason or another.
Living from a heart of rest requires a choice – a conscious decision to cling to faith over feelings, to let God draw us back to Himself as our Source of peace.
Soul rest has a Source
The psalmist found rest in remembering God and we can, too. Right in the middle of life’s crazy, without waiting for things to calm down, we must remind our hearts of who God is:
He is abundantly good, even when life isn’t.
He responds to my prayers.
He is gracious, compassionate, and faithful.
He is infinitely powerful.
He’ll never call me where His grace won’t sustain me.
He’s already provided, in Jesus, everything I need to live the life to which He’s called me.
He loves me unconditionally and welcomes me to come running – freely, boldly, to Him.
He is, and always will be, for me.
The bottom line, I’m learning, is that soul rest is a walk of faith.
Whether I’m sitting at His feet in prayer or driving my kids to yet another lesson or practice, I can rest fully and freely in my relationship with Jesus. He never changes and His definition of me is constant, too.
When you know you’re relentlessly loved and fully accepted, life gets a whole lot easier.
That is the reality for every follower of Jesus. Will you join me in resting in this truth today?
How do you practice soul rest? I’d love to hear – please comment below to join the conversation! Or click here to join my email group and receive access to all the Bible Study printables in my free resource library.
My littlest coined the phrase a while back. In was her baby-talk way of asking me to spend “one-on-one time” with her. We laughed at the cute expression, but it stuck. Now we all use the term for our special mommy-and-me times.
We started this practice of one-on-one time a few years ago during a particularly frustrating parenting season. My days were spent correcting and instructing, yet the negative behavior continued. My husband suggested that maybe our kids needed some focused alone time with me – just the two of us having fun together.
Sure enough, it made a world of difference. Contentment settled in. Each child seemed to come alive as I joined him or her in doing things they love to do.
Our kids need more than training and discipline. They need us. They need to be reminded that we love them, that we enjoy spending time with them, that we think they’re really special – no matter how they behave.
Having fun together is a great way to help them remember.
Here are some tips for spending one-on-one time with our kids:
Let them choose
I don’t particularly love LEGOS – I’m a bit clueless when it comes to creating masterpieces from tiny bricks. But all three of my kids love playing with them, so LEGO building is a frequent choice for our times together. Sometimes we read books (my favorite). Other times we color or play a game. They all love the chance to pick our one-on-one activity.
Unplug
My phone is a frequent distraction. To eliminate the problem, it’s helpful to put it somewhere away from our hang-out spot. Text messages and notifications can wait. Putting our devices aside communicates to our kids that they are our priority.
Focus on the relationship
Whatever activity they choose, these alone times are a beautiful way to deepen our friendship with our kids. Ask open-ended questions. Talk about what’s going on in their lives. Point out things you love about them.
As we invest in our kids through focused time together, we model the heart of our God who takes great delight in His kids.
I’m not sure what happened to the lazy days of summer, but we didn’t see many of them this year. All three kids swam on our neighborhood swim team and had a blast. A six-times-a-week blast. Then our son started cross country with one, then two, now three practices a week. There were other activities as well, like VBS and STEM camp and playdates.
