The question tugged at the corners of my soul as I trudged through each day. A dark cloud hovered over every waking moment. And sleep? That was a struggle, too. I had one bed-wetter and another child with night-terrors, so the sleep I did get was often fragmented and restless.
How I hated mornings. I dreaded facing a new day.
How can I be a good mom when I feel so sad, so weary, so…depressed?
Numbness presided over my heart. Things that used to bring joy now seemed empty and hollow. Routine tasks overwhelmed me with paralyzing force. I didn’t want to go out, didn’t want to do fun activities with my kids and especially didn’t want to talk about how I was really feeling.
Depression carries such a stigma. If I admitted my daily struggle, I feared people would see me as weak or unspiritual. They might lecture or give unhelpful help. They might judge me.
Oh, what a prison depression can be. It’s like walking through a deep, dark valley with insurmountable cliffs towering high above, blocking out any ray of light or hope for escape.
I’ve spent time there and come out the other side. May I share with you what I learned?
Get real with God.
Jesus calls Himself “the God of hope” and invites us to pour out our hearts to Him.
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” Romans 15:13 ESV
“Trust in Him at all times, O people. Pour out your heart before Him. God is a refuge for us.” Psalm 62:8 ESV
His heart is kind and full of compassion, not condemnation. He can handle our pain and is not disappointed when we struggle. He is still a miracle worker and healer of hearts.
Let others in.
It’s hard to own this struggle, but admitting our need and asking for help is a huge step in the healing process. Maybe it’s a trusted friend or a prayer group that can lift us up before God. Maybe it’s a doctor who can evaluate things from a medical perspective.
Do something for yourself.
This may sound selfish, but sometimes it’s the healthiest, most unselfish thing we can do. We can’t pour into the lives of others if our own tank is on empty. Find something that gives you rest, even enjoyment, and make room for that in your life.
Progress, not perfection.
The day may seem daunting, the job overwhelming. Instead of striving for perfection, aim for progress and rejoice in each step.
Our God is patient as He forms Christ in us. He is not in a hurry, nor is He disappointed that we’re not further down the road to recovery. Becoming like Jesus is a life-long process that God is committed to completing.
“And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” Philippians 1:6 ESV
Depression is a cruel companion, but it does not define us. We are not helpless victims, but treasured children of an all-powerful God. He is always close at hand and has made us more than conquerors through His unconditional love.
Panic gripped my heart as I read the text from my sister –
“Emergency Alert: Ballistic missile threat inbound to Hawaii. Seek immediate shelter. This is not a drill.”
My sister and her family moved to Hawaii three weeks ago. Just in time to enter the path of a ballistic missile.
I fought back tears while searching Google for any sign this might be a mistake. Thankfully, I found tweets calling it a false alarm, and within minutes my sister confirmed the alert had indeed been an error.
Relief replaced fear as I thought of what could have been.
These are crazy times, crazy scary times, in which we live. How easy it would be to spend our days in fear or negativity. And we’d have good reason to live that way, except for one thing.
We belong to the God of hope.
Hope.
What a beautiful, life-giving, fear-quenching word. Used nearly 150 times in Scripture, hope is central to our faith in Christ.
“This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary” (Hebrews 6:19, NLT).
No situation, no tragedy, no uncertainty, no problem, no sin can change who our God is – merciful and gracious, all-powerful and perfectly pure. He Himself is our hope, the anchor of our souls in every storm we’ll ever face. And He’s always at work – in good times and bad.
In this hope I rest, secure in the love and goodness of God lavished on me though Jesus.
I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. But I know I won’t face it alone.
The God who holds eternity in His hands, who keeps the stars shining and the earth in orbit – that’s my God. He loves me and is always with me. He’s washed me clean in His blood. He’s made me forever His child. And one day, He’ll right every wrong and make all things new.
This hope – it’s the anchor of my soul.
How about you? If you know Jesus, how does your friendship with God give you hope? What does that look like in everyday life? I’d love to hear!
Has that question ever haunted you? Does your faith flounder when life deals a low blow, like our punching bag shuddering before my kids’ Kung Fu fists?
Mine does sometimes, especially when logic goes unsatisfied and cliché answers just won’t do. It’s been one of those seasons for me lately as we’ve grieved with several friends over the loss of beloved family members.
If you, too, wonder why, I invite you into the wrestling match within my soul.
Here are some of the questions I’ve been asking God lately:
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If You are sovereign, as Your Word says You are, why do You sometimes allow horrible things to happen? I get the whole “free will” thing – some people chose to hurt others. And if I’m honest, I hurt others at times, too.
But why accidents? If You are good, as I’ve tasted and seen You are, why don’t You stop them before they occur?
I can’t make sense of this. And my heart is afraid to trust You with my future.
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Oh, the comfort of bringing my restless heart to Jesus and listening as He speaks through His Spirit and His Word.
God led me to the story of Jesus at Lazarus’ tomb (John 11). Remember that time when He could have stopped His friend from dying, but He didn’t? He didn’t get there in time – on purpose.
I’ve never before noticed the connection between verses five and six. “Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So when He heard that Lazarus was sick, He stayed where He was two more days.”
What?
Because He loved them, He stayed away long enough to let Lazarus die.
That seems utterly illogical. Lazarus’ sisters thought so, too. They both essentially accused Jesus of not lovingthem because He let their brother die through His tardiness. Divine love often baffles human reason.
Yet Jesus didn’t get angry with their questions or rebuke their boldness. On the contrary, He did something quite the opposite.
He knew the miracle He was about to perform – He would command death to release it’s grip on His friend. Within minutes, He would restore Lazarus to life and give him back into his sisters’ arms.
Yet His heart was so deeply moved by His loved ones’ suffering that He, too, wept with them. He felt their pain, and He feels ours, too.
He could have prevented Lazarus’ death, but He saw a bigger picture. Instead, He drew near to the sisters and wept with them.
This is Emmanuel, God with us. Near to the brokenhearted. A very present help in our need (Psalm 34:18, 46:1). The God of comfort restores shattered lives, trades beauty for ashes and replaces heaviness with praise.
He knows the end of our story, too – that for believers in Jesus, death is not the end. One day our suffering will be over. Like Lazarus and his sisters, we will be reunited with those gone before us into heaven.
But Jesus’ knowledge of the future doesn’t prevent Him from feeling our pain in the present or pouring out His comfort in abundant measure.
After weeping with Mary and Martha, He proved that He Himself is the resurrection and the life. Death has no hold on Him. And one day, it will have no hold on us either.
Until that day, there will be many unanswered questions. Many times we won’t understand or feel the love of God. We’ll have many opportunities to wrestle with Him and choose faith when nothing makes sense, because we’ve found that Jesus alone holds life, hope, healing and peace.
He will set all things right someday.
In the meantime, He is so close, and His nearness is our good.
How has God walked you through wrestling matches of the soul? I’d love to hear – please leave a comment below.
As a nation, we’ve experienced some tragic events lately – from the Las Vegas massacre to hurricanes and wild fires leaving destruction in their wake.
Closer to home, several dear friends lost loved ones in the last few weeks. We attended one funeral on Saturday – a dearly loved husband and father. Unexpected. Much too soon. Today, my husband played piano for yet another funeral – a beloved wife of nearly 59 years. Still too soon.
So much pain and heartache. Such enormous needs.
Many of us carry “smaller” burdens, concerns we voice to no one. Fears that plague us when we’re all alone. Important to us, nonetheless.
Whether your needs are immense or you carry less-big burdens today, my prayer for you is this:
May you find hope in the presence of God who promises it won’t always be this way.
May His love be a balm to your soul.
May you know the healing power of the One who is also acquainted with grief.
May His nearness be your ever-present comfort.
May He enter your loneliness and whisper words of tender affection.
May He give beauty for your ashes and be the stability of your soul.
May His grace be your lifeline,
His wisdom your next step,
His love the very breath that you breathe.
In Jesus may you find rest and healing for your soul.
“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble” Ps 46:1.
What burdens do you carry today? I’d be honored to pray for you – please leave a comment below.
How has God been a refuge and very present help for you in the past?
Lean in close, I have a secret to tell…“I am a recovering control freak.”
Seriously.
Life is good when things go according to plan, when nothing too crazy happens, and when people behave themselves. But if things start to veer too far off course, I get anxious.
God has grown me a lot in this area over the last few years, though. I’m learning to raise the white flag, to trust Him and listen to His voice when things seem out of control.
I had an opportunity to practice this recently – with my own sweet child in my very own home.
Read the rest of this story at Just18Summers, where I’m sharing today about parenting and when to raise the white flag of surrender.
The God who holds eternity in His hands, who keeps the stars shining and the earth in orbit – that’s my God. He loves me and is always with me. He’s washed me clean in His blood. He’s made me forever His child. And one day, He’ll right every wrong and make all things new.
Mine does sometimes, especially when logic goes unsatisfied and cliché answers just won’t do. It’s been one of those seasons for me lately as we’ve grieved with several friends over the loss of beloved family members.
He will set all things right someday.
Lean in close, I have a secret to tell…“I am a recovering control freak.”