What will our kids remember from these history-making times in which we’re living?
As the Coronavirus spreads across the globe, our kids are trying to make sense of things, just as we parents are. They hear the news stories. They see the empty grocery store shelves. They wonder if someone they know will come down with the virus next. They feel the loneliness of social distancing and worry that their summer plans may end up cancelled before this is all over.
How can we help them thrive and build positive memories of these days spent at home?
You may have heard the following saying:
“People may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.”
– Carl W. Buechner
Right now, the days are rich with opportunities to help our kids experience the following emotions:
Enjoyed
Extended time at home means lots of togetherness. Instead of being distracted, each on our own device, let’s be intentional about having fun together. Dust off those board games. Bake some cookies with your kids. Pull out your favorite childhood books and read them aloud. Enjoy a picnic in the backyard and play frisbee while you’re out there.
Thankful
It’s all too easy to focus on what we’re missing and fixate on what we don’t have. But now’s a great time to take inventory of all the good things we do enjoy. Give each family member an index card and take time to count your blessings. Add to this list each day.
Secure
The world may be in a panic and people may be stockpiling toilet paper, but at home, let’s cultivate a feeling of security and camaraderie. Invite open conversations where everyone can freely discuss what they’re thinking and feeling. Remind each other often of your love. Seek to create a haven where each person feels safe, understood, and encouraged to thrive.
Hopeful
This won’t be the only time our kids face scary situations. How we handle things now can prepare them to face the future with confidence. Remind each other of ways you’ve seen God answer prayer. Talk often of His faithfulness in the past – both to you and to other believers. (Reading missionary stories is a great way to do this.*)
Above all, keep coming back to Jesus as our Rock in unstable times (Psalm 61:2). Read the Psalms together and discuss what you learn about Him there. Spend time praying with one another. Verbalize your faith that God works all things out for our good (Romans 8:28).
The days ahead are rich with family-building, faith-cultivating opportunities. With intentionality, we can help our kids feel enjoyed, thankful, secure, and full of hope.
They’ll remember these feelings for the rest of their lives.
*Christian Heroes: Then and Now and the Trailblazer Books are our family’s favorite missionary story series.
Friday nights are a favorite around our house. After running full speed all week, each family member looks forward to an evening of doing nothing.
Well, not really nothing.
We do have plans, but they’re fun plans, plans to stop everything and enjoy just being together. Most of the time, this means gathering in the living room for a family movie night (because anything else requires too much energy for this worn-out mom.)
One of our favorite movies is the DreamWorks film Home, about an unlikely friendship between a loveable alien and a scared little girl. At one point in the movie, as they’re looking for the girl’s mom, she becomes furious with her new friend. Confused by her angry expression, he asks in his awkward alien verbiage, “What is the purpose of your face?” He knows her look means something – he’s just not sure what (though she quickly fills him in.)
Like the main character in Home, our faces have a lot to say, and their words speak loud and clear. As we go about our day, our kids watch our faces and subconsciously ask the same question – “What is the purpose of your face?”
Let’s be sure we’re communicating what we want them to hear:
“You’re important to me”
Every day, I’m tempted to live distracted, to listen to my kids without looking them in the eye. I’m busy, after all. I need to multi-task if I’m ever going to check these items off my to-do list.
But our relationships with our kids matter more than dinner being on the table by six o’clock or than checking our notifications on Instagram. We need to read their faces, too, so we can understand their hearts.
“I delight in you”
I’ve often caught myself listening with a hurry-up-and-finish-talking-so-I-can-get-back-to-work look on my face. Though unintentionally, I’m communicating that my kids are a bother or an interruption.
Thankfully, God is making me aware of this tendency and teaching me to trade in that expression for an I-like-you look instead. A smile and attentive eyes go a long way in helping our kids feel loved.
Moms and dads, will you join me in asking God to help us speak life with the expressions we wear? The next time our kids wonder, What is the purpose of your face? may their souls grow stronger by the words they hear.
What do you want to communicate with your face? How are you intentional about showing those things? Please comment below — I’d love to hear!
My son loves building with Legos. His room looks like a Lego museum – and often like a construction zone, with tiny bricks strewn all over the floor, just waiting for an unsuspecting parent to walk in and step on them.
At the end of this school year, he completed a report on our home state of Georgia. For a final project, he chose to redesign our capitol building – constructing it the way he would choose, if he were the architect drafting the plans.
Guess what he chose as his building material? You got it – Lego bricks.
For several days, he poured his free time into creating a capitol building which would make the people of Georgia proud. He selected only gray and white bricks. He carefully placed an abundance of windows. He even printed our state flag on cardstock, attaching it to a tiny pole and flying it atop the capitol building.
It was quite the masterpiece.
At the beginning, before constructing any of the walls or installing a single window, he carefully laid a foundation which would support his large building. He knew this first step was essential to creating a strong structure.
We parents are a lot like Lego craftspeople. Every day we have countless opportunities to build our homes and strengthen the people who live within our walls. Let’s lay a strong foundation through faith that’s authentic, Scripture that’s central, and a mission that’s celebrated.
Faith that’s Authentic
“And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.” Hebrews 11:6 (NIV)
Every one of us falls short. That’s why Jesus came – to pay for the sins of those He loves and to fulfill God’s Law on our behalf. Let’s celebrate this in daily life by:
Modeling the gospel for our kids when we fall short, expressing that Jesus has forgiven us and asking if they will, too.
Forgiving our kids when they hurt us and reminding them that Jesus offers forgiveness, too.
Pointing to Christ as our hope for daily transformation.
Scripture that’s Central
“These commands that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” Deuteronomy 6:6-7 (NIV)
God’s Word reveals His heart and shows us how we can live in relationship with Him. Let’s bring Scripture into our everyday conversations by:
Telling our kids what God has been teaching us through our own times of Bible study and prayer.
Discussing what the Bible says about situations we encounter as a family.
Memorize Bible verses as a family. (BlueLetterBible.org is a great resource for finding verses topically.)
A Mission that’s Celebrated
“We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making His appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God.” 2 Corinthians 5:20 (NIV)
As Christians, we’re part of a worldwide mission. Through us, God calls a lost world into relationship with Him. Let’s prepare our kids to share this gospel message by:
Giving them heroes to emulate through reading missionary stories together. (We love the Trailblazer Books and Christian Heroes: Then & Now.)
Praying for missionaries and staying up to date on how God is working in their ministry.
Dreaming with your kids about how God could use them someday, while pointing out ways He can work through them right now.
This work of building our homes is an investment in eternity. As we live out authentic faith, teach our kids God’s Word, and cast a vision for joining in His work, we’re laying a strong foundation upon which they can build their lives.
Oh, I love the change in our routine. I enjoy the slower pace, the grilling out, the extra time for hanging with family and friends.
But I don’t like the heat. At all. I hate getting sweaty. I dislike slathering up with sunscreen. I nearly cringe at coating everyone with bugspray. If it weren’t for my kids, I’d probably stay indoors most of the summer. In fact, I even have difficulty enjoying our beautiful Southern springtime because I’m dreading the onset of summer.
Crazy, I know.
My oldest made a comment recently which stopped me in my tracks, causing me to take a long look at how I’m spending my mental, emotional, and even spiritual energy. She said that, while she doesn’t like being hot, she loves the feeling of stepping out of the heat into a cold house.
Such a little, everyday thing. But she celebrates it as a
built-in happy spot in the middle of her hot, summer day.
I wonder…how many of God’s gifts are hiding in my everyday?
When days are hard, when difficult seasons are long – are there grace-filled blessings in the middle of the struggle which I walk right past because I’m focused on what I wish wasn’t’ there?
Like gems hiding in plain sight, God’s kindness is all around us (Psalm 31:19).
“In everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
This short little verse implies that, in every situation, gifts from God are present for which we can be thankful.
Always.
We’ll never face a moment where His grace is absent.
In every situation He’s working for our good (Romans 8:28).
Woven through each day are tokens of His affection and reminders of His kindness – even when life is at its worst. We don’t readily see these things, but if we ask, He’ll show us how He’s surrounding us with His love.
What are you facing today that’s uncomfortable? Maybe your
struggle is more than uncomfortable. Maybe it’s downright gut-wrenching. Will
you join me in asking God to open our eyes to His gifts in the middle of it all?
May He show us where He’s working and teach our hearts to celebrate His good gifts– even when it’s crazy hot outside.
How do you take note of God’s goodness? Comment below to join the conversation!
Have you ever played Twenty Questions with a stranger?
Last fall, a new friend on Instagram invited me to participate in an interview — twenty questions about life and faith and my relationship with God. It took me until Christmastime to return my answers — they weren’t quick and easy! A lot of other interviewees were in line ahead of me, but this week the interview went live.
Questions ranged from “What’s on your nightstand right now?” to “What are your top three tips for staying spiritually strong?”
Here’s my favorite question, along with my answer:
“What do you want people to learn about God when they look at you?”
“When people see my life and hear my story, I hope the relentless love of God comes to the forefront in dazzling splendor. I pray they sense the still, small voice of God whispering His delight over them and graciously drawing them closer to His heart.”
If you’re curious about the rest of the interview, I’d love for you to hop over to Modern Witnesses
It was not a good day. For whatever reason, we were justoff.I was irritable and impatient. I found myself correcting every little infraction, every childish noise. The more I corrected, the more frustrated I became.Andthe more my kids acted up.
After snapping at one of my children, I realized I needed help. This downward spiral was not going to improve without divine intervention.
“Lord, please help me control my tongue!”
As I whispered the prayer, the following verse came to mind: “…What you say flows from what is in your heart” (Luke 6:45b, NLT).
My shoulders slumped. If restraining my tongue is a difficult job, changing my heart is impossible. I’ve tried unsuccessfully to do it for many years.
Discouragement gave way to hope, however, as I remembered God is more than able to do just that. His power is infinitely greater than my sin. In love, He pointed out the root of my tongue troubles, not to condemn me, but to show the deeper level on which He wants to work (see Romans 8:1 and 1 John 1:9).
“Lord, change my heart, so love and grace can flow out of me.” My prayer had changed, just as my heart was changing.
Are you struggling to control your tongue today? Be encouraged. God is willing and able to change the heart out of which your mouth speaks. Here are some things to keep in mind:
Recognize the root
Ask God to show you the root of your struggle. I’ve realized I become most irritable when I feel out of control – like when the house is a mess and company is coming over and I can’t keep my kids focused on their chores. Or when I just want the day to run smoothly so I’m not inconvenienced or made uncomfortable.
Pray for heart change
God wants to deal with sin, not merely on the behavior level, but at its core. Once we realize why our tongues are out of control, we can pray for heart change in those specific areas. We’re also more equipped to recognize these heart issues early on, before our tongues take control.
Last week, I became increasingly frustrated during a family chore time. God reminded me that I didn’t have to control the situation, that if my friends arrived before the house was clean, it was okay. As I surrendered to His control, my heart calmed down and my tongue stayed in check.
See the good
As parents, it’s easy to focus on things in our kids’ lives which need correction. While correction is essential, our children also need abundant affirmation and praise. They need us to notice their effort, to applaud them for making the hard choice to do right, to affirm the work of God we see in their lives. They need to know we are for them. That we love them and enjoy them and would choose them out of all the kids in the world. God can help us see the good He wants us to affirm in our kids – we just have to ask Him.
The tongue may be impossible to tame, but our God is able to do the impossible. As we allow Him to change our hearts, we’ll notice a drastic change in our tongues, as well as in our parenting.
