I’d just gotten off the phone with my friend and the kids’ beloved babysitter. She’d called to say she was on her way over to pick something up.
Our seven-year-old daughter heard my side of the conversation and couldn’t contain her excitement over seeing an actual person somewhere other than a computer screen.
When our friend arrived, the kids rushed onto the front porch to say hello. Though we maintained a six-foot distance and chatted in the front yard, it felt good to enjoy a face-to-face conversation.
Months of social distancing have taken their toll. But they’ve also taught us the value of human connection. Of sharing life with the people who live in our spaces.
It’s easy to take for granted those we love the most. Even in our families, we can unintentionally live parallel lives and forget to enjoy the relationships within our own walls.
I’m thankful for the reminder to see my people. To value our interactions and invest in those around us.
Here are four ways we can be intentional in cultivating togetherness in our homes:
Make room for fun
I’m a bit of a no-nonsense person. At any given moment, I could recite the mental to-do list looming in the back of my mind. Most days, work feels more important than play. Yet if I wait until it’s all done, I’ll never stop to enjoy our life.
I’m learning to see the value in play. For in those moments when we’re simply enjoying each other, I learn a lot about my people — their strengths, their passions, their sense of humor. And I realize that the memories we’re making help build our family and solidify the relationships we share.
So make room for fun — family movie nights and afternoon board games, books read aloud and hikes through the woods, cookie baking and Lego building, bike rides and jumping together on the trampoline. It all adds up to shared experiences and hearts drawn close.
Prioritize one-on-one time
While family time is priceless, our kids need one-on-one time with us, as well. They need to feel seen. To know we like them and want to spend time focused on them.
Ask what they’d like to do together – just the two of you – then do your best to make it happen. I love seeing each child’s personality shine as we spend these times with one another. My oldest daughter likes to scroll through Pinterest or just sit and talk. My son usually wants to build with Legos or take a bike ride. My littlest enjoys baking something we’ve never made before or reading a book.
If you have more than one child, be creative in occupying your other kids while focusing on just one of them. You can designate a “quiet time,” where everyone spends 30 minutes playing or reading in their room. Or set out coloring books on the kitchen table while an audio book plays in the background. Or make a stack of board games for them to play together. Be sure each child knows this is a special time for just you and their sibling, but that they can look forward to their turn soon.
Planning for these times takes some intentionality, as well as a good dose of spontaneity, but it’s well worth making a priority.
Face hard things together
The Bible talks often of the value of facing life with another person. (See Ecclesiastes 4:9-12.) Especially in the hard times, our kids need to know we’re with them and for them. Whether it’s a worldwide pandemic or the uncertainty of a new school year, let’s give our kids the gift of knowing they’re not alone — that come what may, we’re in this together. And that even when we don’t have all the answers, we’ll walk through uncertain times with them.
Recently, God taught me that this concept of togetherness is also helpful when I must administer discipline. As our perfect Father, He wants to walk through hard times with us — even when they’re the result of our own foolish choices. So when possible, face the consequences with your child. If it’s a time out, have them sit in the room with you. If it’s an added chore, grab another broom and help them sweep the floor.
Let’s make sure our kids know we’ll face the future with them.
Invite them in
In Romans 14, we’re reminded to accept those who are different from us, because God also accepts that fellow believer. In the Bible’s original Greek, the word “accept” carries the connotation of welcoming into friendship.
I love that picture and the application it has on day-to-day family life. Each family member is so very unique, yet God calls us to welcome one another into friendship.
Invite them to work with you in the kitchen. Let them join your no-longer-quiet “quiet time.” Share your struggles and what God is teaching you through them. Let them walk with you through the ups and downs and ins and outs of everyday life.
As families, we have the privilege of enjoying human connections each and every day. Let’s invest in those relationships and be purposeful about doing life together.
We’d just pulled into our driveway. With a sigh, I turned the car around and headed back to the park. My frustration melted, however, when I heard my son praying his shoes would be there when we got back.
As we rolled to a stop in the parking lot, he jumped out and ran to where he had left them. I smiled.
They were still there.
Then I watched in grateful wonder as he looked up, right there in the middle of the park, and mouthed his gratitude, “Thank You, Lord!”
My own sweet mom used to call these Mary Moments – those times when something happens that is so beautiful, so eternally profound, you just tuck it away in your heart to treasure for always (see Luke 2:19).
The shoes-at-the-park incident was a Mary Moment for me. It was worth the extra drivetime to see my son’s faith in action.
Another time, he came to me in excitement and said, “Mama, God was really gracious!” He explained how he’d almost slammed his finger in the bathroom door, but God protected him.
Such a small thing, yet it showed him God is intimately acquainted with all his ways. That He cares enough about his little fingers to keep them out of the door jam.
I love watching my kids encounter these God sightings. Such moments make my heart smile. They remind me that the seeds I’m planting are not in vain.
As parents, we’re called to cultivate hearts – our own, and those of our kids. To weed and water and plant seeds of truth, of love, and of grace.
Most days, we see very little fruit from our labors of love, especially in the little years. It can feel exhausting and overwhelming. Sometimes we may wonder if we’re making any eternal difference at all.
Happy are the days when we catch a glimpse of what God is up to in their hearts. These are Mary Moments – memories to cherish, record, and hold onto.
Here are some thoughts for treasuring those moments:
Pray about the small stuff (and the big things, too)
God is at work all around us. Our needs provide countless opportunities for Him to show up. As we pray with our kids about both big and small concerns, they have an opportunity to see His faithfulness and love.
Write down your Mary Moments
Keep a record of your family’s God sightings. Use a journal or a blessing box to house these priceless memories.
Keep on gardening
As our kids grow, they’ll face situations where God doesn’t spare their fingers or keep their shoes from getting stolen, when their hearts get broken and their dreams seem to die. In those moments, let’s continue planting seeds of truth and reminding them of God’s faithfulness in the past.
Pray for continued faith
Ask God to strengthen their child-like faith and build on their younger years of seeing Him in the small stuff. Pray that finding Him there will lay the foundation of relating to Jesus, so that when hard times come, they’ll find Him just as present, just as gracious, and even more good than they ever dreamed possible in their younger years.
Moms and dads, ours is an eternal work. We serve Jesus as we cultivate the hearts in our homes. Let’s treasure each Mary Moment and press on in this irreplaceable ministry we’ve been given.
Two weeks ago, our littlest learned to ride her bike.
She’d been on bicycle-riding strike for several months, ever since her daddy took her training wheels off. He knew she was ready and hoped a gentle push would help her learn to ride on her own. For a while, she wasn’t having it. Until two weeks ago, when she finally decided to give it a try.
And she got it.
She was so ready. On Monday she rode several feet without help. On Tuesday she learned to turn the bike around in one smooth-ish motion. On Wednesday she perfected starting and stopping. And by the weekend, she was riding like a pro.
As I watched my husband coach her on bike-riding safety, one of his comments struck a chord in my heart. “Don’t look at the building you’re trying to avoid, or you’ll run into it. Keep your eyes on where you’re going.”
I needed that advice.
Because right now, I’m awfully tempted to stare at the madness surrounding us. I literally had to talk myself out of panicking during a recent trip to the grocery store. All those empty shelves. All those scurrying people. The what-if’s pressed in and with them, the fear.
I’ve never experienced uncertainty to this level before.
There’s nothing like a worldwide pandemic to make me realize how much I worship comfort and normality. To help me see that my soul’s peace is tangled up in predictable circumstances and a sense of being in control.
As the country started shutting down, I grabbed my journal and began processing my roller coaster emotions with God. After I poured out my heart to Him, He led me to Hebrews 12:1-3:
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart” (emphasis mine).
In these unstable times, God is calling His beloved ones to fix our attention on Jesus.
In the Bible’s original Greek, fixing one’s eyes means
“To turn the eyes away from other things and fix them on something.”
I don’t know about you, but my feelings have run the gamut over the past two weeks. I’ve been confused, afraid, and overwhelmed. I’ve felt happy to stay at home and thrilled with the extra family time. I’ve been bored, depressed, and restless. Today I’m just plain weary.
Lots of things are vying for our attention.
So like my little bicyclist with her gaze straight ahead, I’m choosing to glance at what’s going on around and within – listening to the news reports, heeding the CDC’s directives, working through my emotions with God – but then I’m turning my heart’s focus back to Jesus.
Not that it’s easy. But it is a conscious choice. One that takes coming back to, day after very long day, moment after mundane moment.
Because really, how we walk through these days is a matter of faith.
Will we choose to bring our fears and our feelings to God? Will we hold onto the promises of His Word? Will we focus on Jesus and trust His heart and His plan?
He alone can anchor our souls through this storm. So right now, let’s guide our hearts back to rest by looking at Jesus (See Psalm 116:7):
He has the final say, despite unpredictable viruses and even human free will (1 Peter 3:22).
Let’s fix our eyes on Jesus and step boldly into each new day, knowing our God is for us (Romans 8:31), and with us (Matthew 28:20), and in us (1 John 4:4).
What other qualities of Jesus are you resting in right now? I’d love to hear! Please comment below.
What will our kids remember from these history-making times in which we’re living?
As the Coronavirus spreads across the globe, our kids are trying to make sense of things, just as we parents are. They hear the news stories. They see the empty grocery store shelves. They wonder if someone they know will come down with the virus next. They feel the loneliness of social distancing and worry that their summer plans may end up cancelled before this is all over.
How can we help them thrive and build positive memories of these days spent at home?
You may have heard the following saying:
“People may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.”
– Carl W. Buechner
Right now, the days are rich with opportunities to help our kids experience the following emotions:
Enjoyed
Extended time at home means lots of togetherness. Instead of being distracted, each on our own device, let’s be intentional about having fun together. Dust off those board games. Bake some cookies with your kids. Pull out your favorite childhood books and read them aloud. Enjoy a picnic in the backyard and play frisbee while you’re out there.
Thankful
It’s all too easy to focus on what we’re missing and fixate on what we don’t have. But now’s a great time to take inventory of all the good things we do enjoy. Give each family member an index card and take time to count your blessings. Add to this list each day.
Secure
The world may be in a panic and people may be stockpiling toilet paper, but at home, let’s cultivate a feeling of security and camaraderie. Invite open conversations where everyone can freely discuss what they’re thinking and feeling. Remind each other often of your love. Seek to create a haven where each person feels safe, understood, and encouraged to thrive.
Hopeful
This won’t be the only time our kids face scary situations. How we handle things now can prepare them to face the future with confidence. Remind each other of ways you’ve seen God answer prayer. Talk often of His faithfulness in the past – both to you and to other believers. (Reading missionary stories is a great way to do this.*)
Above all, keep coming back to Jesus as our Rock in unstable times (Psalm 61:2). Read the Psalms together and discuss what you learn about Him there. Spend time praying with one another. Verbalize your faith that God works all things out for our good (Romans 8:28).
The days ahead are rich with family-building, faith-cultivating opportunities. With intentionality, we can help our kids feel enjoyed, thankful, secure, and full of hope.
They’ll remember these feelings for the rest of their lives.
*Christian Heroes: Then and Now and the Trailblazer Books are our family’s favorite missionary story series.
Friday nights are a favorite around our house. After running full speed all week, each family member looks forward to an evening of doing nothing.
Well, not really nothing.
We do have plans, but they’re fun plans, plans to stop everything and enjoy just being together. Most of the time, this means gathering in the living room for a family movie night (because anything else requires too much energy for this worn-out mom.)
One of our favorite movies is the DreamWorks film Home, about an unlikely friendship between a loveable alien and a scared little girl. At one point in the movie, as they’re looking for the girl’s mom, she becomes furious with her new friend. Confused by her angry expression, he asks in his awkward alien verbiage, “What is the purpose of your face?” He knows her look means something – he’s just not sure what (though she quickly fills him in.)
Like the main character in Home, our faces have a lot to say, and their words speak loud and clear. As we go about our day, our kids watch our faces and subconsciously ask the same question – “What is the purpose of your face?”
Let’s be sure we’re communicating what we want them to hear:
“You’re important to me”
Every day, I’m tempted to live distracted, to listen to my kids without looking them in the eye. I’m busy, after all. I need to multi-task if I’m ever going to check these items off my to-do list.
But our relationships with our kids matter more than dinner being on the table by six o’clock or than checking our notifications on Instagram. We need to read their faces, too, so we can understand their hearts.
“I delight in you”
I’ve often caught myself listening with a hurry-up-and-finish-talking-so-I-can-get-back-to-work look on my face. Though unintentionally, I’m communicating that my kids are a bother or an interruption.
Thankfully, God is making me aware of this tendency and teaching me to trade in that expression for an I-like-you look instead. A smile and attentive eyes go a long way in helping our kids feel loved.
Moms and dads, will you join me in asking God to help us speak life with the expressions we wear? The next time our kids wonder, What is the purpose of your face? may their souls grow stronger by the words they hear.
What do you want to communicate with your face? How are you intentional about showing those things? Please comment below — I’d love to hear!
