How can you help someone whose faith is in pieces? When a Christian you love questions beliefs you hold dear, is it possible to walk with them through faith deconstruction?
As someone who experienced the collapse of my faith (and its eventual renewal), I’m deeply grateful for believers who want to come alongside and help. The gift of your presence can make Christ’s love tangible.
If you’ve never walked through deconstruction yourself, however, you may struggle to know just how to help. Understanding the terminology is a good place to begin.
To read more on faith deconstruction and how you can help those walking through it, hop over to
We’d just pulled into our driveway. With a sigh, I turned the car around and headed back to the park. My frustration melted, however, when I heard my son praying his shoes would be there when we got back.
As we rolled to a stop in the parking lot, he jumped out and ran to where he had left them. I smiled.
They were still there.
Then I watched in grateful wonder as he looked up, right there in the middle of the park, and mouthed his gratitude, “Thank You, Lord!”
My own sweet mom used to call these Mary Moments – those times when something happens that is so beautiful, so eternally profound, you just tuck it away in your heart to treasure for always (see Luke 2:19).
The shoes-at-the-park incident was a Mary Moment for me. It was worth the extra drivetime to see my son’s faith in action.
Another time, he came to me in excitement and said, “Mama, God was really gracious!” He explained how he’d almost slammed his finger in the bathroom door, but God protected him.
Such a small thing, yet it showed him God is intimately acquainted with all his ways. That He cares enough about his little fingers to keep them out of the door jam.
I love watching my kids encounter these God sightings. Such moments make my heart smile. They remind me that the seeds I’m planting are not in vain.
As parents, we’re called to cultivate hearts – our own, and those of our kids. To weed and water and plant seeds of truth, of love, and of grace.
Most days, we see very little fruit from our labors of love, especially in the little years. It can feel exhausting and overwhelming. Sometimes we may wonder if we’re making any eternal difference at all.
Happy are the days when we catch a glimpse of what God is up to in their hearts. These are Mary Moments – memories to cherish, record, and hold onto.
Here are some thoughts for treasuring those moments:
Pray about the small stuff (and the big things, too)
God is at work all around us. Our needs provide countless opportunities for Him to show up. As we pray with our kids about both big and small concerns, they have an opportunity to see His faithfulness and love.
Write down your Mary Moments
Keep a record of your family’s God sightings. Use a journal or a blessing box to house these priceless memories.
Keep on gardening
As our kids grow, they’ll face situations where God doesn’t spare their fingers or keep their shoes from getting stolen, when their hearts get broken and their dreams seem to die. In those moments, let’s continue planting seeds of truth and reminding them of God’s faithfulness in the past.
Pray for continued faith
Ask God to strengthen their child-like faith and build on their younger years of seeing Him in the small stuff. Pray that finding Him there will lay the foundation of relating to Jesus, so that when hard times come, they’ll find Him just as present, just as gracious, and even more good than they ever dreamed possible in their younger years.
Moms and dads, ours is an eternal work. We serve Jesus as we cultivate the hearts in our homes. Let’s treasure each Mary Moment and press on in this irreplaceable ministry we’ve been given.
Sunday night, hubby came home from a week-long business convention in Pennsylvania. We stayed busy while he was gone – the big kids went to STEM camp each day, our littlest enjoyed several play dates with her besties, and I wrote lots and lots of words. When the weekend rolled around, we were all more than ready for Daddy to be home.
Except that I wasn’t ready when he got home.
Dinner wasn’t done. The bathroom deep clean that had exploded into our bedroom wasn’t… well, cleaned up. The laundry sat where I’d left it, waiting to be put on hangers and hung in the closet.
How I wanted everything to be perfect when he walked in the door. But alas, real life got in the way.
And guess what? He didn’t care.
He just wanted to be with us. To hear about our week and tell us about his. To snuggle up close and enjoy the evening together.
As I bustled about the kitchen trying to hurry the cooking along, I remembered the story of another woman with whose life I so often relate.
Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her” Luke 10:38-42.
I so get Martha! She loved Jesus and wanted everything to be perfect for Him. That meal in the oven was an expression of her affection. She longed to make Him comfortable, to help Him feel at home.
Yet all Jesus wanted was her.
Her heart, her focus, her devotion – not shown through works done in His name, but through responding to His loving pursuit.
In contrast to restless Martha, there sat Mary — the picture of a quiet heart.
Yeah, there were unfinished chores to be done. But Jesus had arrived, and she had to be near Him.
Serving from a distance just would not do.
If He was sitting in the living room, that’s where Mary wanted to be. If He went to the dining room, you’d find her there. If He walked outside, she’d join Him there, too.
Mary was preoccupied with Jesus.
The Bible mentions this Mary several other times – once at Lazarus’ tomb, where she brought her grief to Jesus just before He raised her brother from the dead, and again at a dinner party, where she anointed His feet with expensive perfume as an act of worship*.
In both scenarios, Mary went where Jesus was. She loved Him and needed Him, so she ran to Him with zero hesitation.
Oh, God, give me such a heart! May I never be content with days full of service yet absent of connection with You. Teach me to cultivate Your presence, both in my “daily quiet times” and in middle of my everyday crazy.
How about you? How do you practice the presence of God? In what ways do you cultivate a quiet heart? I’d love to hear – please leave a comment below!
Martha’s words reflected the turmoil in her soul. With so much to do, how could Mary just sit there? Did she forget about their large dinner party tonight? The food wouldn’t cook itself!
Martha wanted so much for everything to be perfect – the meal, the accommodations, the service. It wasn’t everyday that Jesus came to visit! She had to make sure He was comfortable during His stay. He needed to feel honored, to know how much she loved Him. But…how could she do it all alone?
“Don’t You care that she’s left me to do all the work? Tell her to get up and get busy!”*
Do you ever feel like Martha? I know I do. All the time. Hubby jokes about my impossible “to do” lists. But it’s true. I seem incapable of creating a “to do” list that’s actually doable.
Oh, I totally get Martha. I know what it’s like to feel resentful when my priorities are not a priority to others.
So when I came across this passage in my Bible reading last week, I spent a while reflecting on it. Where did Martha go wrong? What is life’s one true necessity that Mary chose? And seriously, did Jesus not care about dinner? I mean, just practically speaking, how was dinner going to get on the table if both Mary and Martha sat at His feet?
What strikes me most in this account is the tenderness that exudes from Jesus’ gentle rebuke.
“Martha, Martha…My dearly loved Martha! I do see your hard work! I know you want to honor me and prove your devotion. But, Martha, that’s not what I want from you! You’re so distracted, so anxious, so uptight. You’re trying so hard all the time. Trying to take care of everyone. Trying to stay on top of things. Trying to do the right thing.
“I want you to quit trying and just come rest.
“Just be near Me. Listen to My heart. That’s what Mary has chosen. I won’t send her away to get busy.”*
The key difference, it seems, between the two sisters is this – Martha was driven to serve, while Mary drew near in love. Her adoration compelled her to just be close. To hang on His every word. To listen to His heart. To know Him deeply.
And Jesus said nothing in the world matters more.
His call to know Him and be near Him is woven through all the pages of Scripture.
“Cease striving and know that I am God…” (Ps 46:10a). “Everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord…” (Phil 3:8). “Oh, that we might now the Lord! Let us press on to know Him…” (Hos 6:3a). “But as for me, the nearness of God is my good…” (Ps 73:28a). “Let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace…” (Heb 4:16a). “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you…” (Jas 4:8).
Boil it all down, and we find this at the heart of Christianity – being near God. It’s expressed in many different ways…Abiding in Him. Drawing near to Him. Learning from Him. Loving Him. Fixing our eyes on Him. But it all comes back to intimate nearness with God. Everything else in life flows out of that.
This nearness is certainly cultivated in quiet alone times with Him. But thankfully, for this mama with littles (who finds “quiet time” a bit elusive), I’m learning it can also be cultivated in the noise and activity of life. In my busy “Martha moments,” when dinner truly must get on the table, I can still have the heart of Mary as I rest in my relationship with Him. Serving my family (and anything else I do) can be an overflow of my walk with Him. As I receive and rest in His love, I can freely give it to those around me.
So whatever our season, however busy our days, let us press on to know Him!
How do you cultivate the nearness of God in your daily life?
*This is my paraphrase. 🙂 You can read the whole story in Luke 10:38-42.
It was hot and dusty in Ensenada, Mexico. So many things were different from what I knew – outdoor bathrooms, eating in the open air, houses with just two rooms in them, little stores in people’s homes… A completely new culture. And I loved it. I fell in love there…with fish tacos. And, more importantly, with the Mexican people. So beautiful. So generous. So kind.
We had just returned from a neighborhood outreach where we hosted a game of “football” (or “soccer,” as we Americans call it.) My sandaled feet were dusty and dirty from walking on the unpaved roads, so I sat down on a retaining wall next to a water spigot to wash them.
A Mexican woman, my sister in Christ, watched as I tried to balance on the wall while scrubbing my feet. Then suddenly, she walked over and knelt beside me. She took my dirty feet in her hands and began to wash them for me.
I was speechless. How do you thank someone who just showed you Jesus in such a vivid way?
That memory is forever etched in my heart and mind. I don’t even know her name. But she was Jesus to me that day. And someday I will meet her again. We will talk uninhibited by language barriers about the Servant Master we both love.
This memory came to mind recently as I read from John 13 with my kids. Jesus, Creator of the universe, Most High God and King of Kings, knelt before His followers and served them. He did the lowest of jobs, a job reserved for servants, when He washed their stinky feet. It was a picture of His love for them. And an example for them (and us) to follow.
But I’ve always wondered why the Bible includes verse three – “Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under His power, and that He had come from God and was returning to God.” Apparently, this was the basis of His service. What significance did this knowledge have for Jesus? Philippians 2:6-7 gives an interesting parallel. Jesus, “although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-slave…”
The man Jesus was totally secure in His identity. The Father knew Him and had given Him authority over all things. That was enough for Jesus. He didn’t have to prove that, to grasp that equality. It’s who He is, regardless of whether people recognized Him or not. Because He didn’t live for the approval of man, He was able to empty Himself and serve.
And that can be true of us as well. A few verses earlier in Phillipians 2, we are told to “do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves” (v. 3). It’s not that we are less important than others. We are all made in the image of God. But we don’t have to prove our worth, because God knows us and has given us our identity.
As God’s child, I am chosen and greatly loved. I have been made holy and blameless through the blood of Christ. I was adopted because He wanted me. He has freely, lavishly, bestowed grace upon me and has given me every spiritual blessing. I am redeemed and forgiven. His intentions toward me, His child, are kind. I have been given an eternal inheritance and have received the Holy Spirit to seal and guarantee that inheritance. His surpassingly great power is for me. (See Eph 1.) In Christ who loves me, I overwhelmingly conquer (Rom 8:37). Direct, bold access has been granted to the throne room of the Almighty (Heb 4:16). He has personally drawn me near (Eph 2:13). I am firmly rooted and complete in Christ (Col 2:7,10). I am a new creation (2 Cor 5:17), God’s masterpiece (Eph 2:10). And nothing, absolutely nothing, can ever separate me from the steadfast love of my Jesus (Rom 8:38).
That is just a taste of my identity as a follower of Jesus. Is it yours? If you know Jesus, it is your identity as well. Nothing can change that – not our sin, not the opinion of others. Our Creator defines us and has blessed us beyond measure.
If God knows us, and says this is who we are, we have no need to “grasp equality” with those around us. We have nothing to prove. So like Jesus, we can freely serve those God puts in our lives. The indwelling Spirit of Jesus will direct and empower us as He lives His life through us.
Dinner wasn’t done. The bathroom deep clean that had exploded into our bedroom wasn’t… well, cleaned up. The laundry sat where I’d left it, waiting to be put on hangers and hung in the closet.
