On Questions without Answers

On Questions without Answers

By Meredith Mills

@DazzledByTheSon

Why, God? Why?

Has that question ever haunted you? Does your faith flounder when life deals a low blow, like our punching bag shuddering before my kids’ Kung Fu fists?

question-mark-2641097_1280Mine does sometimes, especially when logic goes unsatisfied and cliché answers just won’t do. It’s been one of those seasons for me lately as we’ve grieved with several friends over the loss of beloved family members.

If you, too, wonder why, I invite you into the wrestling match within my soul.

Here are some of the questions I’ve been asking God lately:

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If You are sovereign, as Your Word says You are, why do You sometimes allow horrible things to happen? I get the whole “free will” thing –  some people chose to hurt others. And if I’m honest, I hurt others at times, too.

But why accidents? If You are good, as I’ve tasted and seen You are, why don’t You stop them before they occur?

I can’t make sense of this. And my heart is afraid to trust You with my future.

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Oh, the comfort of bringing my restless heart to Jesus and listening as He speaks through His Spirit and His Word. bench-1868070_1280

God led me to the story of Jesus at Lazarus’ tomb (John 11). Remember that time when He could have stopped His friend from dying, but He didn’t? He didn’t get there in time – on purpose.

I’ve never before noticed the connection between verses five and six. “Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So when He heard that Lazarus was sick, He stayed where He was two more days.”

What?

Because He loved them, He stayed away long enough to let Lazarus die.

That seems utterly illogical. Lazarus’ sisters thought so, too. They both essentially accused Jesus of not loving them because He let their brother die through His tardiness. Divine love often baffles human reason.

Yet Jesus didn’t get angry with their questions or rebuke their boldness. On the contrary, He did something quite the opposite.

Jesus wept (John 11:35).

He knew the miracle He was about to perform – He would command death to release it’s grip on His friend. Within minutes, He would restore Lazarus to life and give him back into his sisters’ arms.

Yet His heart was so deeply moved by His loved ones’ suffering that He, too, wept with them. He felt their pain, and He feels ours, too.

He could have prevented Lazarus’ death, but He saw a bigger picture. Instead, He drew near to the sisters and wept with them.

This is Emmanuel, God with us. Near to the brokenhearted. A very present help in our need (Psalm 34:18, 46:1). The God of comfort restores shattered lives, trades beauty for ashes and replaces heaviness with praise.

He knows the end of our story, too – that for believers in Jesus, death is not the end. One day our suffering will be over. Like Lazarus and his sisters, we will be reunited with those gone before us into heaven.

But Jesus’ knowledge of the future doesn’t prevent Him from feeling our pain in the present or pouring out His comfort in abundant measure. Hefeelsourpain

After weeping with Mary and Martha, He proved that He Himself is the resurrection and the life. Death has no hold on Him. And one day, it will have no hold on us either.

Until that day, there will be many unanswered questions. Many times we won’t understand or feel the love of God. We’ll have many opportunities to wrestle with Him and choose faith when nothing makes sense, because we’ve found that Jesus alone holds life, hope, healing and peace.

nearnessofGodHe will set all things right someday.

In the meantime, He is so close, and His nearness is our good.

How has God walked you through wrestling matches of the soul? I’d love to hear – please leave a comment below.

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On the Bad Days

On the Bad Days

By Meredith Mills

@DazzledByTheSon

Yesterday was not a good day.

Everyone in the Mills house woke up tired from a busy weekend. And busy weekends make for long Mondays.

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The kids and I took a field trip which involved a lovely nature walk in the autumn-colored woods. An impending thunderstorm held off and the temperature was perfect.

The humidity, however, was intense. I wore rain boots instead of hiking boots so by the halfway point, I was exhausted. That halfway point happened to be at the bottom of a hill and the hike back seemed much longer than the hike in.

After a morning of learning about wildlife and preservation efforts, we headed home where a messy house greeted us and screamed of work that needed to be done. My afternoon to-do list didn’t include all the kiddo needs that arose, and I failed to handle those “interruptions” with grace.

It was not a good day.

As I look back on it, however, I see much for which to be thankful, so many things to slow down and savor, even in the chaos of the day.

Surely I could have done better.

But I didn’t. I didn’t live the day well.

Maybe it’s because I neglected to keep coming back to Jesus. I forgot that on my own I can’t do better. I can’t chose patience, grace or gratitude without staying connected to Christ, without yielding my heart and expectations to Him in each moment.

stability of my times

“And He will be the stability of your times, a wealth of salvation, wisdom and knowledge. The fear of the Lord is his treasure” Isaiah 33:6.

Underneath the shifting sands of emotional ups and downs, God is the bedrock for our souls. He offers the stability of His unchanging heart and faithfulness of character.

He’s the steady Source of everything I need in every moment – salvation from the sins that tempt me, wisdom when I don’t know how to parent, knowledge of His heart when I lose sight of His face – all these things in abundant measure.

In big struggles and little frustrations, God understands. He offers wisdom and grace for each one – and new mercies with every rising sun. 

Stability in unstable times – this is God our treasure.

How has God been your stability this week? In what ways do you need Him to be your unchanging Rock today? Please comment below – I’d love to hear.

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Good Gifts Gone Bad

Good Gifts Gone Bad

by Meredith Mills

@DazzledByTheSon

Sometimes you’ve got to give yourself a time out.

whistle-2465084_1280

For several months, I’ve been very intentional about writing regularly, trying to post here on a weekly basis. But last week, I chose not to write. At all.

God told me not to.

I had lots of work to do – A book proposal waiting to be revised, a book in process, a weekly blog post, a monthly contribution to Just18Summers and another article to complete by the end of the month.

Clearly, I didn’t have time to take the week off.

But God showed me that writing had become an idol.

An Idol.

It’s a rather church-y word, one that’s lost much of its meaning to modern American Christians. We read about idols throughout the Bible, but they can seem like distant relics of the past or an unfamiliar element of cultures somewhere else in the world.

Maybe we need to rethink the word.

Maybe addiction is more relevant to our modern minds.

Unlike statues of gold, addictions can be much harder to recognize, but they’re just as insidious.

Some addictions are big and ugly and obvious. But most of them aren’t. Most start as good gifts, designed by God for our enjoyment and use.

But they become addictions when we find our identity in them.

When we panic at the thought of losing them – even temporarily.

When we can’t stop thinking about them.

When we look for comfort, peace or healing in them.

When they drive and control us.

That’s what happened with my writing. I had taken it up as a hobby several years ago. It was a refreshing way to process my thoughts and emotions and a means of sharing with others what God is doing in my life.

But I’ve grown to love the feeling of completing a piece and meeting a deadline. I get excited when I hear how God ministered to someone through my words. I enjoy reading comments and feedback.

Those good things, however, took root in my heart and seeped into my identity. They began driving and controlling me like a task-master.

What started as a good gift became an addiction, an idol.

When God showed me this, I asked Him what to do about it. Not all idols can, or even should, be completely discarded. I’ve wrestled with a food addiction for much of my life, but I certainly can’t quit eating.

As I prayed, Jesus reminded me of this verse: “…Take every thought captive to obey Christ” 2 Corinthians 10:4-5

Just as my thoughts need to obey Jesus, the gifts I’ve received need to be under His control as well.

My writing needs to obey Jesus – the time I spend on it, the projects I undertake, the very words I say.

My eating habits should obey Jesus – what I eat, when I eat, how much I eat.

My parenting ought to obey Jesus – how I speak to my kids, the way I train and discipline them, the activities we chose to do as a family.

My role as a wife needs to obey Jesus – how I talk to and about my husband, how I respond to him, the priority I give our relationship.

My people-pleasing personality should obey Jesus, so that His pleasure is my heart’s desire and satisfaction.

My use of time needs to obey Jesus.

Absolutely every area of my life needs to obey Jesus.

Because this is what following Him is all about – my whole self living in full surrender to the God who invites me to find rest in Him. Rest from the idols that drive me, rest from the law that condemns me, rest in Christ’s work and rest in the nearness of God.

While idols and addictions consume those who cling to them, Jesus offers the abundant life for which our souls were created. (See John 10:10.)

How about you? Are there any idols lurking in the shadows of your soul? Any addictions strangling your abundant life?

God loves us too much to let us continue worshiping at the feet of things that will destroy us. Will you bring your idols to Him and let Him show you how to bring them under His control? no idols

I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments! Please respond below.

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When Life Eclipses God

When Life Eclipses God

by Meredith Mills

@dazzledbytheson

We saw it, and it was dazzling.

cake-2201852_1280Like millions of other people, we traveled into the totality zone of the Great American Eclipse. We spent the afternoon camped out in the heat, hanging with some of our dearest friends, eating Moon Pies and Sun Chips and Cosmic Brownies.

A sense of anticipation hung in the air as the sun and moon aligned.

From behind our super-cool (ahem, functional) glasses, we watched the sun grow smaller bit by tiny bit until only a sliver remained visible.

And then it happened. The event everyone’s been talking about – the moment of total eclipse.

IMG_1804It nearly took my breath away.

Light radiated in all directions from the enormous dark spot in the sky. For nearly two minutes, heaven and earth seemed to stand still.

We saw what is normally imperceptible to the human eye – the sun’s corona. On normal occasions, the corona goes unseen because its light is so much dimmer than that of the sun’s surface.

But yesterday during the eclipse, we saw the radiant crown of the sun.

Life is a lot like that. Sometimes it takes an eclipse – a deep, dark shadow, to see the dazzling glory of the heavenly Son and to know Him in previously unexperienced ways.

It’s easy to enjoy God when life is bright and happy. Brilliant beyond words and more dazzling than our sun, the light of Jesus fills every corner of our earth. Unsurpassed in beauty, unrivaled in strength – this is our God. He rejoices the hearts of His children and fills our lives with good things.

But sometimes sorrow eclipses our God. Life can get so dark we seem to lose sight of Him. We may even forget what He looks like or wonder if He’s been a figment of our imaginations.

But there in the darkness, in the quiet place of our pain, God waits to reveal His heart to us. He invites us to experience His tenderness and find depths of comfort of which we’ve only ever heard tale.

Like the sun’s corona during an eclipse, God can be seen in breathtaking beauty during our darkest hour.

darkesthoureclipseHas life eclipsed your God? Have you lost sight of His goodness and love for you? Have faith, fellow Jesus lover. Just as the sun is unchanged though hidden by the moon, our God is unchanging and constant. He delights in you. His love is steadfast and His tender mercies are new every morning.

How have you experienced Jesus’ beauty during dark times? I’d love to hear – please comment below!

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Pondering Perfection

Pondering Perfection

“Please don’t let me mess up. Help me not to make a mistake.”

microphone-2479265_1280I stood in front of our church congregation, filling in as a member of the worship team. I would be leading out on the next song. My stomach was in knots as I thought through all that could possibly go wrong, things that have gone wrong in the past.

I could forget the words. My voice could crack. I could miss that high note.

Listening to the song’s intro (my heart obviously not worshiping), I realized something quite convicting – I’m quick to admit I’m not perfect. I talk about transparency and the importance of being real, of extending grace in our weaknesses and laughing at our embarrassing moments.

But I don’t like people to see me make mistakes. I want to control which imperfections they observe.

It’s one thing to talk about our mistakes and embarrassments, even our sins, in the past tense. It’s another matter to mess up when people are watching.

For most of my life, I’ve aimed at perfection. It seems a worthy pursuit. Jesus Himself said, “You are to be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Matthew 5:48).

When the Bible uses this word perfect, however, it has the connotation of completeness and maturity.

This term “can be used in a relative or absolute sense…God’s perfection is absolute; man’s is relative reaching the goal set for Him by God with each individual different according to one’s God-given ability.” – Lexical Aids to the New Testament, Key Word Study Bible

God is perfect. He’s sinless and holy. He needs and lacks nothing.

bean-1512433_1280We, His children, on the other hand, are in the process of becoming perfect and mature. We’ve been declared righteous and our sins have been washed away. Yet the Holy Spirit is about the lifelong work of forming Christ in us – and He’s not in a hurry.

True perfection, like all of Christianity, revolves around Jesus, not our own efforts to keep a good image or avoid mistakes. Jesus is our example, as well as our Source of transformation. He uses even our weaknesses to mature us and make us like Christ. (See 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.)

So today, instead of focusing on myself and the image I want to maintain, I choose to rejoice in the work God is doing in my heart, my life and my home.

ChristianPerfectionHow about you? How is Jesus perfecting you these days?

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