That’s how I’ve felt this year more times than I can count. Other than journaling, I’ve written very little.
I’ve experienced all the feelings – fear, contentment, anxiety, peace, sorrow, happiness, disappointment, hope. Processing rogue emotions with Jesus and landing back on solid ground has felt like a full-time job.
But hindsight is 20/20, they say (whoever they are.) As I look back on the past 364 days, three things have become unmistakably clear to me.
2020 has been hard.
Sometimes we Christians avoid speaking candidly about negative things. We fear being coined a complainer or labeled as someone who’s selfish or has weak faith. We even shy away from bringing raw emotions to God because we know He wants us to be grateful and to trust Him in both good times and bad.
But an honest acknowledgement is often the first step in processing our emotions, confronting our doubts, and moving deeper in our faith – a depth we’ll never experience if we simply gloss over our struggles.
2020 has been hard. We’ve all felt the sting of cancelling long-anticipated plans. We’ve been lonely, stir crazy as the hours tick by in the walls we’re mandated to stay within.
Our family lost a friend we loved as our own and the tears just come up without warning. We’ve self-quarantined three times, on top of the state-wide shut-down which grounded us all this spring. We’ve endured the discomfort of the covid19 test four times more than we’d like. We’ve worried about paying the bills during weeks when my husband has had to stay home.
This year has had more than its share of anxiety, disappointment, and pain.
But ours is a gracious God, slow to anger and abounding in loyal love and faithfulness (Exodus 34:6). He understands our feelings because He’s felt them, too – both as an emotive God and more specifically, as the God-man who walked among us for thirty-three years. He can sympathize with our weakness, our heartache, and our discouragement.
He invites His own to come to Him boldly and pour out everything stirring in our souls.
Will you take Him up on His invitation?
2. 2020 has seen God “up to great good.”
Midway through the pandemic, I enjoyed a phone meeting with my dear mentor. We talked about the hardships and frustrations we’d faced that spring and then she said, “But God is up to great good here.”
Our conversation screeched to a halt as I paused to consider her words. It wasn’t the first time I’d heard her say that. It’s kind of like her mantra. But I’d lost sight of it in the mess of 2020. I asked her to help me see some good, because my faith was anything but strong at that moment.
She told me a story or two of lives she’d seen touched by the redemptive power of God’s presence. Her faith bolstered mine and my vision improved.
It wasn’t long before I, too, could see God’s goodness weaving through our year – His work in drawing our family closer, His nudge toward slowing down, His miracles in meeting our physical needs and watering the seeds of my kids’ faith.
Sometimes we need a good friend to help us refocus when our own lens of faith goes fuzzy.
Who is that friend in your life?
If you don’t have such a friend right now, it’s okay – God is the Friend who sticks even closer than family. He’ll gladly point out His goodness if we ask Him.
3. 2021 has a clear forecast.
Even as I type those words, I struggle to believe they’re true. Humanly speaking, the year ahead looks like storm clouds and more rain. Our troubles aren’t going to vanish when the clock strikes midnight.
But as Jesus-followers, we’re not limited to our human perspective. Thank goodness, because fear tends to suffocate my soul if I look too long through my own lenses.
As we turn our hearts toward Jesus and seek shelter near His heart, He readjusts our focus to see more of what He sees.
Here’s the clear forecast for 2021:
God won’t change. We can anchor our souls to the reliability of His character and His Word.
God will always be up to great good. Whatever troubles come, Jesus is greater and in Him, we overwhelmingly conquer.
God won’t forget us or leave us on our own. His wisdom, His power, His very presence are available to us every moment of every day.
As we step into this near year, let’s set our hearts anew to seek this God whose nearness is our good (Psalm 73:28). More than anything, we need Him.
I’m planning to set aside a day (or portion of a day) in January to get alone with God. In case you’d like to do this, too, check out “Planning a Retreat with God” in my Freebie Library to help you make the most of that time.
He’s never been hunting a day in his life, but he dreams that someday he will go. Recently, he told his daddy he wishes they could go moose hunting in Alaska. (I mean, why not start big?)
We’re city people so when my boy wears his camo, it’s more for fashion than functionality. He loves the style, and I love him for it. For many people, though, camouflage has very practical purposes, providing the element of disguise and preventing the person from being seen.
As I type these words, we’re several weeks into a statewide lockdown due to the spread of the coronavirus. My husband has been off work for the past three weeks. And as a family, we’re each dealing with various emotions and grieving significant disappointments.
For us, this is a time of weakness.
We can’t predict what tomorrow holds. Any semblance of control has been stripped away. We trust that God will give us our daily bread (Matthew 6:11), but if I’m being honest, I like the idea of monthly bread better. I prefer a stocked pantry and a sufficient bank account.
I don’t like this emotional roller coaster of the what-ifs that so often invade my mind. Yet repeatedly during these days, God impresses on my heart that it’s good to be in need.
These are camouflaged blessings, these weaknesses which remind us we need God.
Paul understood this reality when he declared, [God] said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ can work through me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9, NLT).
Uncertain days are rich with opportunities for God to show up. A life outside our control reminds us of the good God who’s always in control. Let’s embrace the eternity hidden in these days and point our kids to the God who still works miracles.
Here are some practical tips:
• Pray for awareness
Several months ago, before the Coronavirus became a pandemic, I asked our kids how they’ve seen God answer prayer. Pondering the silence that met my question, I realized how infrequently we pray about specific needs. We pray generally for missionaries and for salvation for the lost. But when we need something, we often look for ways to meet it ourselves. I began asking God to make us aware of our needs so we can see Him working as our provider.
Prayerfully take inventory of your needs—physical, emotional, and spiritual. Make a list or write down each item individually on index cards.
• Talk to God about each need
Using that list or those index cards, pray as a family about each item. Ask for His perspective and for the Holy Spirit’s guidance as you pray.
• Anticipate His provision
Remind yourself of His promises. Here are a few of my favorites:
“And my God shall meet all your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19, NIV.)
“…Your Father already knows your needs. Seek the kingdom of God above all else, and He will give you everything you need.” (Luke 12:30-31, NLT).
“You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion…” (2 Corinthians 9:11, NIV).
Write down your favorite verses and display them around the house for encouragement. Choose to worship Him as you wait—singing your favorite praise songs, thanking Him for the blessings He’s already given, remembering what you know to be true of Him.• Reach out to others in need
There’s great joy in serving other people as a family, even when we have our own needs. Ask God to point out ways He wants to use you to invest in the lives of others. Pray for those needs and serve however in whatever ways He leads.
Our greatest needs are often camouflaged blessings, setting the stage for God to work powerfully on our behalf. Let’s seize these opportunities to grow closer to Him as a family. Let’s remind ourselves of His trustworthiness and walk by faith in these uncertain times.
Two weeks ago, our littlest learned to ride her bike.
She’d been on bicycle-riding strike for several months, ever since her daddy took her training wheels off. He knew she was ready and hoped a gentle push would help her learn to ride on her own. For a while, she wasn’t having it. Until two weeks ago, when she finally decided to give it a try.
And she got it.
She was so ready. On Monday she rode several feet without help. On Tuesday she learned to turn the bike around in one smooth-ish motion. On Wednesday she perfected starting and stopping. And by the weekend, she was riding like a pro.
As I watched my husband coach her on bike-riding safety, one of his comments struck a chord in my heart. “Don’t look at the building you’re trying to avoid, or you’ll run into it. Keep your eyes on where you’re going.”
I needed that advice.
Because right now, I’m awfully tempted to stare at the madness surrounding us. I literally had to talk myself out of panicking during a recent trip to the grocery store. All those empty shelves. All those scurrying people. The what-if’s pressed in and with them, the fear.
I’ve never experienced uncertainty to this level before.
There’s nothing like a worldwide pandemic to make me realize how much I worship comfort and normality. To help me see that my soul’s peace is tangled up in predictable circumstances and a sense of being in control.
As the country started shutting down, I grabbed my journal and began processing my roller coaster emotions with God. After I poured out my heart to Him, He led me to Hebrews 12:1-3:
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart” (emphasis mine).
In these unstable times, God is calling His beloved ones to fix our attention on Jesus.
In the Bible’s original Greek, fixing one’s eyes means
“To turn the eyes away from other things and fix them on something.”
I don’t know about you, but my feelings have run the gamut over the past two weeks. I’ve been confused, afraid, and overwhelmed. I’ve felt happy to stay at home and thrilled with the extra family time. I’ve been bored, depressed, and restless. Today I’m just plain weary.
Lots of things are vying for our attention.
So like my little bicyclist with her gaze straight ahead, I’m choosing to glance at what’s going on around and within – listening to the news reports, heeding the CDC’s directives, working through my emotions with God – but then I’m turning my heart’s focus back to Jesus.
Not that it’s easy. But it is a conscious choice. One that takes coming back to, day after very long day, moment after mundane moment.
Because really, how we walk through these days is a matter of faith.
Will we choose to bring our fears and our feelings to God? Will we hold onto the promises of His Word? Will we focus on Jesus and trust His heart and His plan?
He alone can anchor our souls through this storm. So right now, let’s guide our hearts back to rest by looking at Jesus (See Psalm 116:7):
He has the final say, despite unpredictable viruses and even human free will (1 Peter 3:22).
Let’s fix our eyes on Jesus and step boldly into each new day, knowing our God is for us (Romans 8:31), and with us (Matthew 28:20), and in us (1 John 4:4).
What other qualities of Jesus are you resting in right now? I’d love to hear! Please comment below.