Helping Our Kids Thrive When Life is Hard

Helping Our Kids Thrive When Life is Hard

What will our kids remember from these history-making times in which we’re living?

As the Coronavirus spreads across the globe, our kids are trying to make sense of things, just as we parents are. They hear the news stories. They see the empty grocery store shelves. They wonder if someone they know will come down with the virus next. They feel the loneliness of social distancing and worry that their summer plans may end up cancelled before this is all over.

How can we help them thrive and build positive memories of these days spent at home?

You may have heard the following saying:

“People may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.”

– Carl W. Buechner

Right now, the days are rich with opportunities to help our kids experience the following emotions:

  • Enjoyed

Extended time at home means lots of togetherness. Instead of being distracted, each on our own device, let’s be intentional about having fun together. Dust off those board games. Bake some cookies with your kids. Pull out your favorite childhood books and read them aloud. Enjoy a picnic in the backyard and play frisbee while you’re out there.

  • Thankful

It’s all too easy to focus on what we’re missing and fixate on what we don’t have. But now’s a great time to take inventory of all the good things we do enjoy. Give each family member an index card and take time to count your blessings. Add to this list each day.

  • Secure

The world may be in a panic and people may be stockpiling toilet paper, but at home, let’s cultivate a feeling of security and camaraderie. Invite open conversations where everyone can freely discuss what they’re thinking and feeling. Remind each other often of your love. Seek to create a haven where each person feels safe, understood, and encouraged to thrive.

  • Hopeful

This won’t be the only time our kids face scary situations. How we handle things now can prepare them to face the future with confidence. Remind each other of ways you’ve seen God answer prayer. Talk often of His faithfulness in the past – both to you and to other believers. (Reading missionary stories is a great way to do this.*)

Above all, keep coming back to Jesus as our Rock in unstable times (Psalm 61:2). Read the Psalms together and discuss what you learn about Him there. Spend time praying with one another. Verbalize your faith that God works all things out for our good (Romans 8:28).

The days ahead are rich with family-building, faith-cultivating opportunities. With intentionality, we can help our kids feel enjoyed, thankful, secure, and full of hope.

They’ll remember these feelings for the rest of their lives.

*Christian Heroes: Then and Now and the Trailblazer Books are our family’s favorite missionary story series.

3 Reasons We Grow Weary (And What to Do When We Are)

3 Reasons We Grow Weary (And What to Do When We Are)

Have you ever been so tired you wished you’d come down with a bug, just so you’d have an excuse to stay in bed?

I’ll admit, I’ve hoped for such a thing on more than one occasion.

Last fall was one of our family’s busiest seasons ever. Between sports obligations, church commitments, school assignments, and a full remodel of our 1960’s kitchen, our schedule was incredibly full. Often feelings of weariness, frustration, and just plain anger overwhelmed me.

During those months of crazy, God repeatedly reminded me of the following passage:

“Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30, NIV).

As I prayed through those verses, I realized that several factors can contribute to our feelings of weariness:

  1. We’re carrying burdens of our own

I’m a natural-born people pleaser. As such, it’s really easy for me to over-commit. To take on responsibilities God never asked me to carry. To try to solve people’s problems myself, rather than pointing them to Christ, praying for them, and stepping aside as He works in their lives.

You may have heard the saying, “Every yes to one thing is a no to something else.” I’m not sure who said it first, but I find it helpful to remind myself of that reality. If I’m spending time and energy on things God hasn’t called me to do, I’m unavailable for those areas where He is leading me to serve.

  1. We’re shouldering God-given responsibilities alone

Sometimes, we are living within the calling He’s placed on our lives. Our responsibilities are gifts from Him. Yet we’re weary because we’re trying to carry those things on our own.

We’re living for God, instead of with God.

In the above verses, Jesus references a “yoke,” a piece of wood placed over the necks of oxen for use in plowing a field. Yokes are often placed on a pair of oxen so they can work in sync. Through this image, we see Jesus calling us into the yoke with Him — not because He needs our help, but because we desperately need His. He invites us to walk in moment-by-moment connection with Him as we carry the responsibilities He’s entrusted to our care.

  1. We’re in an intense season of learning

Some seasons are unavoidably exhausting and relentlessly demanding. We’re juggling God-given jobs and we’re looking to Him for strength. Even so, we feel we’re barely hanging on.

Jesus understood. He spent His days loving and serving, teaching and healing. He was no stranger to busyness and exhaustion (Mark 6:31).

In our times of weariness when nothing can or should be changed, He calls us to learn from Him. To fix our gaze on the God who loved well, who knew how to make room for rest, and who poured out His life in service for those He loved.

He was gentle. He was humble. And He is our Source of rest.

So today, if your heart is weary and you’re overwhelmed by life’s burdens, Jesus invites you to draw near.

In the midst of our crazy, one thing matters above all else — walking in relationship with Him. He wants to show us which responsibilities He’s calling us to carry, and He’s eager to bear them with us. He longs to reveal His heart and teach us to find in Him the fulfillment of our every need.

How do you find rest in Him when you’re weary? I’d love to hear — please leave a comment below.

Building Our Homes Like a Lego Master

Building Our Homes Like a Lego Master

My son loves building with Legos. His room looks like a Lego museum – and often like a construction zone, with tiny bricks strewn all over the floor, just waiting for an unsuspecting parent to walk in and step on them.

At the end of this school year, he completed a report on our home state of Georgia. For a final project, he chose to redesign our capitol building – constructing it the way he would choose, if he were the architect drafting the plans.

Guess what he chose as his building material? You got it – Lego bricks.

For several days, he poured his free time into creating a capitol building which would make the people of Georgia proud. He selected only gray and white bricks. He carefully placed an abundance of windows. He even printed our state flag on cardstock, attaching it to a tiny pole and flying it atop the capitol building.

It was quite the masterpiece.

At the beginning, before constructing any of the walls or installing a single window, he carefully laid a foundation which would support his large building. He knew this first step was essential to creating a strong structure.

We parents are a lot like Lego craftspeople. Every day we have countless opportunities to build our homes and strengthen the people who live within our walls. Let’s lay a strong foundation through faith that’s authentic, Scripture that’s central, and a mission that’s celebrated.

Faith that’s Authentic

“And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.” Hebrews 11:6 (NIV)

Every one of us falls short. That’s why Jesus came – to pay for the sins of those He loves and to fulfill God’s Law on our behalf. Let’s celebrate this in daily life by:

  • Modeling the gospel for our kids when we fall short, expressing that Jesus has forgiven us and asking if they will, too.
  • Forgiving our kids when they hurt us and reminding them that Jesus offers forgiveness, too.
  • Pointing to Christ as our hope for daily transformation.

Scripture that’s Central

“These commands that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” Deuteronomy 6:6-7 (NIV)

God’s Word reveals His heart and shows us how we can live in relationship with Him. Let’s bring Scripture into our everyday conversations by:

  • Telling our kids what God has been teaching us through our own times of Bible study and prayer.
  • Discussing what the Bible says about situations we encounter as a family.
  • Memorize Bible verses as a family. (BlueLetterBible.org is a great resource for finding verses topically.)

A Mission that’s Celebrated

“We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making His appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God.” 2 Corinthians 5:20 (NIV)

As Christians, we’re part of a worldwide mission. Through us, God calls a lost world into relationship with Him. Let’s prepare our kids to share this gospel message by:

  • Giving them heroes to emulate through reading missionary stories together. (We love the Trailblazer Books and Christian Heroes: Then & Now.)
  • Praying for missionaries and staying up to date on how God is working in their ministry.
  • Dreaming with your kids about how God could use them someday, while pointing out ways He can work through them right now.

This work of building our homes is an investment in eternity. As we live out authentic faith, teach our kids God’s Word, and cast a vision for joining in His work, we’re laying a strong foundation upon which they can build their lives.

Celebrating God’s Hidden Gifts

Celebrating God’s Hidden Gifts

Can I tell you something crazy?

I’m not a fan of summer. (Sorry, Olaf.)

Oh, I love the change in our routine. I enjoy the slower pace, the grilling out, the extra time for hanging with family and friends.

But I don’t like the heat. At all. I hate getting sweaty. I dislike slathering up with sunscreen. I nearly cringe at coating everyone with bugspray. If it weren’t for my kids, I’d probably stay indoors most of the summer. In fact, I even have difficulty enjoying our beautiful Southern springtime because I’m dreading the onset of summer.

Crazy, I know.

My oldest made a comment recently which stopped me in my tracks, causing me to take a long look at how I’m spending my mental, emotional, and even spiritual energy. She said that, while she doesn’t like being hot, she loves the feeling of stepping out of the heat into a cold house.

Such a little, everyday thing. But she celebrates it as a built-in happy spot in the middle of her hot, summer day.

I wonder…how many of God’s gifts are hiding in my everyday?

When days are hard, when difficult seasons are long – are there grace-filled blessings in the middle of the struggle which I walk right past because I’m focused on what I wish wasn’t’ there?

Like gems hiding in plain sight, God’s kindness is all around us (Psalm 31:19).

“In everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

1 Thessalonians 5:18

This short little verse implies that, in every situation, gifts from God are present for which we can be thankful.

Always.

We’ll never face a moment where His grace is absent.

In every situation He’s working for our good (Romans 8:28).

Woven through each day are tokens of His affection and reminders of His kindness – even when life is at its worst. We don’t readily see these things, but if we ask, He’ll show us how He’s surrounding us with His love.

What are you facing today that’s uncomfortable? Maybe your struggle is more than uncomfortable. Maybe it’s downright gut-wrenching. Will you join me in asking God to open our eyes to His gifts in the middle of it all?

May He show us where He’s working and teach our hearts to celebrate His good gifts– even when it’s crazy hot outside.

How do you take note of God’s goodness? Comment below to join the conversation!

Lessons from a People Mover

Lessons from a People Mover

It’s funny what kids remember.

“Mama, remember the time when we sat next to the elevator and ate a cookie?” My son smiled as he repeated the story.

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He must have been four or five when we took that afternoon outing to the mall. We started out at the play place, then headed to the food court for a candy-filled cookie, sitting next to the glassed-in elevator as we ate.

My little man stared in awe. I marveled that a people-mover could be so fascinating. He studied it ever so carefully, trying to figure out exactly how it worked. He wanted to ride it a few times, but just watching it seemed to thrill him the most.

Fast forward several years, and he still recalls that day with affection.

Such a little thing – a simple date which cost all of five dollars, a mom who didn’t understand his fascination with elevators but loved watching her son learn, and a memory he still seems to treasure.

It’s funny what kids remember…

Of course, the big stuff builds memories, too – like our unexpected cross-country drive one Christmas when the Atlanta airport shut down and we still wanted to spend the holidays with my family. Or the planned-out birthday parties that leave parents exhausted but children feeling loved.

Those things are important, but so are the everyday moments we invest in our kids. We cultivate an atmosphere of love and security by doing the little things.

Here are a few thoughts to keep in mind:

  • Our day-to-day ministry helps shape their view of God.

Cooking meals and keeping a home isn’t the least bit glamorous. But when we meet their everyday needs, we paint the picture of a God who provides. Kids are free to thrive when they know we’re looking out for them.

  • Our day-to-day ministry helps shape their view of themselves.

We affirm their God-given worth and value when we prioritize time with them, setting aside our agendas (and our devices) to show our kids they matter more. We validate their opinions and feelings when we ask questions and listen to their hearts.

  • Our day-to-day ministry helps shape their future.

I’m often surprised at what my kids remember (like elevator-watching at the mall). They see more than we realize. Our consistent love helps them grow into the men and women God designed them to be.

But let’s be real. We parents do undeniably more than our kids could possibly notice. Yet God sees. He “is not unjust; He will not forget your work and the love you have shown Him as you have helped His people and continue to help them” (Hebrews 6:10, NIV). As we serve our families, we serve Jesus. I’m so glad He provides His strength, wisdom, and grace to help us love them well.

Yes, it’s funny what kids remember. In the big stuff and in the small, we’re making memories, building relationships, and shaping our children’s hearts for eternity.

 

Taming the Tongue

Taming the Tongue

Sometimes I just can’t control my tongue.

It was not a good day. For whatever reason, we were just off. I was irritable and impatient. I found myself correcting every little infraction, every childish noise. The more I corrected, the more frustrated I became. And the more my kids acted up.

After snapping at one of my children, I realized I needed help. This downward spiral was not going to improve without divine intervention.

“Lord, please help me control my tongue!”

As I whispered the prayer, the following verse came to mind: “…What you say flows from what is in your heart” (Luke 6:45b, NLT).

My shoulders slumped. If restraining my tongue is a difficult job, changing my heart is impossible. I’ve tried unsuccessfully to do it for many years.

Discouragement gave way to hope, however, as I remembered God is more than able to do just that. His power is infinitely greater than my sin. In love, He pointed out the root of my tongue troubles, not to condemn me, but to show the deeper level on which He wants to work (see Romans 8:1 and 1 John 1:9).

“Lord, change my heart, so love and grace can flow out of me.” My prayer had changed, just as my heart was changing.

Are you struggling to control your tongue today? Be encouraged. God is willing and able to change the heart out of which your mouth speaks. Here are some things to keep in mind:

  • Recognize the root

Ask God to show you the root of your struggle. I’ve realized I become most irritable when I feel out of control – like when the house is a mess and company is coming over and I can’t keep my kids focused on their chores. Or when I just want the day to run smoothly so I’m not inconvenienced or made uncomfortable.

  • Pray for heart change

God wants to deal with sin, not merely on the behavior level, but at its core. Once we realize why our tongues are out of control, we can pray for heart change in those specific areas. We’re also more equipped to recognize these heart issues early on, before our tongues take control.

Last week, I became increasingly frustrated during a family chore time. God reminded me that I didn’t have to control the situation, that if my friends arrived before the house was clean, it was okay. As I surrendered to His control, my heart calmed down and my tongue stayed in check.

  • See the good

As parents, it’s easy to focus on things in our kids’ lives which need correction. While correction is essential, our children also need abundant affirmation and praise. They need us to notice their effort, to applaud them for making the hard choice to do right, to affirm the work of God we see in their lives. They need to know we are for them. That we love them and enjoy them and would choose them out of all the kids in the world. God can help us see the good He wants us to affirm in our kids – we just have to ask Him.

The tongue may be impossible to tame, but our God is able to do the impossible. As we allow Him to change our hearts, we’ll notice a drastic change in our tongues, as well as in our parenting.