What will our kids remember from these history-making times in which we’re living?
As the Coronavirus spreads across the globe, our kids are trying to make sense of things, just as we parents are. They hear the news stories. They see the empty grocery store shelves. They wonder if someone they know will come down with the virus next. They feel the loneliness of social distancing and worry that their summer plans may end up cancelled before this is all over.
How can we help them thrive and build positive memories of these days spent at home?
You may have heard the following saying:
“People may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.”
– Carl W. Buechner
Right now, the days are rich with opportunities to help our kids experience the following emotions:
Enjoyed
Extended time at home means lots of togetherness. Instead of being distracted, each on our own device, let’s be intentional about having fun together. Dust off those board games. Bake some cookies with your kids. Pull out your favorite childhood books and read them aloud. Enjoy a picnic in the backyard and play frisbee while you’re out there.
Thankful
It’s all too easy to focus on what we’re missing and fixate on what we don’t have. But now’s a great time to take inventory of all the good things we do enjoy. Give each family member an index card and take time to count your blessings. Add to this list each day.
Secure
The world may be in a panic and people may be stockpiling toilet paper, but at home, let’s cultivate a feeling of security and camaraderie. Invite open conversations where everyone can freely discuss what they’re thinking and feeling. Remind each other often of your love. Seek to create a haven where each person feels safe, understood, and encouraged to thrive.
Hopeful
This won’t be the only time our kids face scary situations. How we handle things now can prepare them to face the future with confidence. Remind each other of ways you’ve seen God answer prayer. Talk often of His faithfulness in the past – both to you and to other believers. (Reading missionary stories is a great way to do this.*)
Above all, keep coming back to Jesus as our Rock in unstable times (Psalm 61:2). Read the Psalms together and discuss what you learn about Him there. Spend time praying with one another. Verbalize your faith that God works all things out for our good (Romans 8:28).
The days ahead are rich with family-building, faith-cultivating opportunities. With intentionality, we can help our kids feel enjoyed, thankful, secure, and full of hope.
They’ll remember these feelings for the rest of their lives.
*Christian Heroes: Then and Now and the Trailblazer Books are our family’s favorite missionary story series.
Do you think of a formal church service? Maybe a girl’s name? If asked to define it, what would you say?
Those who grew up in Sunday School might remember the acronym: God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Maybe you’ve heard some other catchy definition. Maybe you really aren’t sure.
I’ve heard about grace my whole life (something for which I’m incredibly thankful). But amazing didn’t really describe how I felt about it.
I was a good girl. Sure, God had forgiven my sins – at five years old. But my kindergartener shortcomings didn’t seem all that significant. Even during my teen and young adult years, I never did anything too bad.
So the grace we discussed at church only seemed amazing when I heard stories about drug addicts and ex-cons coming to faith. For people like that, grace truly was amazing. For me, though, I just didn’t feel it. Not only did I not do the really bad stuff, I spent my life doing lots of good stuff – having daily quiet times, leading Bible studies, teaching my kids about Jesus…
Because of my goodness, the amazingness of grace was lost on me.
Until that good girl life crumbled and I couldn’t keep up with my checklist Christianity. In that season of survival when I had nothing good to offer God, I felt His favor like never before. Suddenly, I saw the repulsiveness of my self-righteous Christianity, the utter inadequacy of my good deeds to earn His smile.
Suddenly, I began to understand grace.
Through all those years of pride and performance-based faith, God knew the depths of my heart. He saw the judgment with which I looked at others. He recognized how unimpressed I was with His blood-purchased grace.
Yet He loved me.
That is the essence of grace.
For the self-righteous and the unrighteous, grace is the key to understanding our Father’s heart. It’s an inseparable part of His nature, the basis on which He relates to us.
If your view of grace leaves you uninspired, maybe a fresh perspective will jump-start your heart as it did mine.
Our pastor recently gave this definition:
If you imagine God’s face as He looks at you, what expression do you see?
Do you see Someone excited to lavish you with good gifts? Is He favorably disposed toward you? Do kindness and generosity radiate from His eyes? Do you feel Him drawing you close, not to give you tomorrow’s to-do list, but to just be? Be close, be loved, be renewed, be transformed…
Or do you feel it’s up to you to keep yourself close to Him, to make yourself want Him, to grow and produce fruit so He’ll be happy with you? Must you earn His grace by trying hard to be humble, or is humility merely the recognition that you can’t?
Grace is only grace if we don’t deserve it (for both unbelievers and those who know Him). It flows freely, abundantly, exponentially from the heart of our God.
“For from His fullness we have all received, grace upon grace” (John 1:16).
Unexplainable, illogical, even scandalous by human standards, this grace is woven into every facet of our relationship with God.
You are deeply loved, daughter of grace. Your Father delights in you. He is lavish in kindness, abundant in power, persistent in His pursuit of your heart.
Grace is yours if you are His.
Rest in it. Revel in it. Run free in it.
What amazes you about grace? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.
The question tugged at the corners of my soul as I trudged through each day. A dark cloud hovered over every waking moment. And sleep? That was a struggle, too. I had one bed-wetter and another child with night-terrors, so the sleep I did get was often fragmented and restless.
How I hated mornings. I dreaded facing a new day.
How can I be a good mom when I feel so sad, so weary, so…depressed?
(For the rest of the story, hop over to CBN where I’m sharing today about my walk through depression and the hope I’ve found along the way.)
As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts and welcome you to join the conversation by leaving a comment below.
Sunday night, hubby came home from a week-long business convention in Pennsylvania. We stayed busy while he was gone – the big kids went to STEM camp each day, our littlest enjoyed several play dates with her besties, and I wrote lots and lots of words. When the weekend rolled around, we were all more than ready for Daddy to be home.
Except that I wasn’t ready when he got home.
Dinner wasn’t done. The bathroom deep clean that had exploded into our bedroom wasn’t… well, cleaned up. The laundry sat where I’d left it, waiting to be put on hangers and hung in the closet.
How I wanted everything to be perfect when he walked in the door. But alas, real life got in the way.
And guess what? He didn’t care.
He just wanted to be with us. To hear about our week and tell us about his. To snuggle up close and enjoy the evening together.
As I bustled about the kitchen trying to hurry the cooking along, I remembered the story of another woman with whose life I so often relate.
Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her” Luke 10:38-42.
I so get Martha! She loved Jesus and wanted everything to be perfect for Him. That meal in the oven was an expression of her affection. She longed to make Him comfortable, to help Him feel at home.
Yet all Jesus wanted was her.
Her heart, her focus, her devotion – not shown through works done in His name, but through responding to His loving pursuit.
In contrast to restless Martha, there sat Mary — the picture of a quiet heart.
Yeah, there were unfinished chores to be done. But Jesus had arrived, and she had to be near Him.
Serving from a distance just would not do.
If He was sitting in the living room, that’s where Mary wanted to be. If He went to the dining room, you’d find her there. If He walked outside, she’d join Him there, too.
Mary was preoccupied with Jesus.
The Bible mentions this Mary several other times – once at Lazarus’ tomb, where she brought her grief to Jesus just before He raised her brother from the dead, and again at a dinner party, where she anointed His feet with expensive perfume as an act of worship*.
In both scenarios, Mary went where Jesus was. She loved Him and needed Him, so she ran to Him with zero hesitation.
Oh, God, give me such a heart! May I never be content with days full of service yet absent of connection with You. Teach me to cultivate Your presence, both in my “daily quiet times” and in middle of my everyday crazy.
How about you? How do you practice the presence of God? In what ways do you cultivate a quiet heart? I’d love to hear – please leave a comment below!
Martha’s words reflected the turmoil in her soul. With so much to do, how could Mary just sit there? Did she forget about their large dinner party tonight? The food wouldn’t cook itself!
Martha wanted so much for everything to be perfect – the meal, the accommodations, the service. It wasn’t everyday that Jesus came to visit! She had to make sure He was comfortable during His stay. He needed to feel honored, to know how much she loved Him. But…how could she do it all alone?
“Don’t You care that she’s left me to do all the work? Tell her to get up and get busy!”*
Do you ever feel like Martha? I know I do. All the time. Hubby jokes about my impossible “to do” lists. But it’s true. I seem incapable of creating a “to do” list that’s actually doable.
Oh, I totally get Martha. I know what it’s like to feel resentful when my priorities are not a priority to others.
So when I came across this passage in my Bible reading last week, I spent a while reflecting on it. Where did Martha go wrong? What is life’s one true necessity that Mary chose? And seriously, did Jesus not care about dinner? I mean, just practically speaking, how was dinner going to get on the table if both Mary and Martha sat at His feet?
What strikes me most in this account is the tenderness that exudes from Jesus’ gentle rebuke.
“Martha, Martha…My dearly loved Martha! I do see your hard work! I know you want to honor me and prove your devotion. But, Martha, that’s not what I want from you! You’re so distracted, so anxious, so uptight. You’re trying so hard all the time. Trying to take care of everyone. Trying to stay on top of things. Trying to do the right thing.
“I want you to quit trying and just come rest.
“Just be near Me. Listen to My heart. That’s what Mary has chosen. I won’t send her away to get busy.”*
The key difference, it seems, between the two sisters is this – Martha was driven to serve, while Mary drew near in love. Her adoration compelled her to just be close. To hang on His every word. To listen to His heart. To know Him deeply.
And Jesus said nothing in the world matters more.
His call to know Him and be near Him is woven through all the pages of Scripture.
“Cease striving and know that I am God…” (Ps 46:10a). “Everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord…” (Phil 3:8). “Oh, that we might now the Lord! Let us press on to know Him…” (Hos 6:3a). “But as for me, the nearness of God is my good…” (Ps 73:28a). “Let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace…” (Heb 4:16a). “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you…” (Jas 4:8).
Boil it all down, and we find this at the heart of Christianity – being near God. It’s expressed in many different ways…Abiding in Him. Drawing near to Him. Learning from Him. Loving Him. Fixing our eyes on Him. But it all comes back to intimate nearness with God. Everything else in life flows out of that.
This nearness is certainly cultivated in quiet alone times with Him. But thankfully, for this mama with littles (who finds “quiet time” a bit elusive), I’m learning it can also be cultivated in the noise and activity of life. In my busy “Martha moments,” when dinner truly must get on the table, I can still have the heart of Mary as I rest in my relationship with Him. Serving my family (and anything else I do) can be an overflow of my walk with Him. As I receive and rest in His love, I can freely give it to those around me.
So whatever our season, however busy our days, let us press on to know Him!
How do you cultivate the nearness of God in your daily life?
*This is my paraphrase. 🙂 You can read the whole story in Luke 10:38-42.
Driven by duty, or led by love? It makes a difference.
“Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light” Matthew 11:28-30.
Am I the only one who has had a problem with those verses? The Christian life as rest – what? An easy yoke and a light burden? Experience told me otherwise.
Until recently.
Until life crumbled and weakness won out. Until I could no longer keep up with the “good girl” life. Until everything I believed came unraveled. (To read about my journey, click here.)
In that place of weakness, with crumbled faith and nothing to offer God, I experienced rest. The God of rest came to me and picked me up. He gathered me in His arms and carried me close to His heart (see Isaiah 40:11). And there, near His heart, I began to learn from Him. And I found rest for my soul.
I had spent my life driven to do. Do more. Do better. Just keep doing. He deserves my best, after all. But the doing was never enough because I knew that Jesus had said heart motives were just as important as actions (see Matt 5:20-22, 27-28). I could never measure up. How could this possibly be rest?
But I learned, there near His heart, that God does not drive His children to do. We are not cattle prodded along a path, a destination to be reached by morning. Instead, He leads us as a shepherd leads his sheep (Ps 23). The shepherd guides them beside still waters. He gives them green pastures in which to rest.
In fact, the Hebrew word here for lead carries the connotation of guiding to a place of rest and refreshment. It means to lead with care. In Exodus 15:13, we read, “In Your unfailing love You will lead the people You have redeemed. In Your strength You will guide them to Your holy dwelling.” He leads us with unfailing love. And did you catch where He is guiding us? To His “dwelling.” To His presence. Into deeper intimacy and friendship. He is not trying to get us somewhere. He is bringing us near. That’s where He is leading us. Closer.
Our Shepherd has a loving relationship with His sheep. He knows each of us by name. And the sheep know and trust His voice (John 10:3-18), because we walk with Him. The picture is one of sweet companionship.
In the opening passage from Matthew, Jesus uses another word picture to describe our relationship with Him. He invites us into His “yoke.” He shares our burdens with us. He’s not the farmer driving the oxen. He’s in the yoke working with us. We find rest as we learn from Him. As we keep in step with Him.
This Christian life is not lived for Him. It’s lived by Him – He leads; we follow (John 10:3-5). He empowers; we walk in victory (Col 1:11, Rom 8:37). He works in us; our lives please Him (Phil 2:13). Our job is to rest – in who He is and what He has done for us. Our work is abide in Him and let Him bear fruit through us (John 15:4-5).
What does resting in Jesus look like in your life? Any practical tips for resting when life is anything but restful? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
Dinner wasn’t done. The bathroom deep clean that had exploded into our bedroom wasn’t… well, cleaned up. The laundry sat where I’d left it, waiting to be put on hangers and hung in the closet.
