Applause erupted as our daughter stood to receive her third award of the evening. She beamed with excitement while walking on stage. I listened to the praise of both her teachers and peers. My heart swelled with joy. Their words confirmed what I already knew—she’s an incredible kid.
At the same time, I ached for her brother, who received no awards that night. He’s an amazing kid, too. He did well in his classes, and his kind, fun-loving personality won him many friends. Still, he took home no awards.
Oh, the depth of conflicting emotions a parent’s heart can hold in the same moment.
On the way home, our son commented, “I wonder why I didn’t get any awards.” I turned in the front passenger seat and looked at him with compassion. I’ve experienced these gut-wrenching feelings before, too. I know what it’s like to anticipate affirmation and come away disappointed. I know how hard it is to celebrate with a friend while trying to mask my own pain.
How can we help our kids deal with rejection? Here are some thoughts on preparing them for both disappointment and success:
Our children have different talents and gifts.
As we sat in the car that night, we reminisced about swim team last summer when our son was the one winning the awards. His sister won some, too. But that night, he excelled.
God created each of our kids with unique abilities and individual talents. Faithfulness in using our gifts is more valuable than receiving the applause of others. God sees our hard work, our diligence, and our perseverance—even when others don’t.
God gives us value and identity.
Our son builds amazing Lego creations. He draws detailed bridges. He memorizes facts and Bible verses easily. But none of these abilities define him. They don’t give him his worth any more than his struggles diminish his worth.
Our kids have intrinsic value simply because God made them in His image. No other creature has received such a gift. The praise or criticism of people can’t change the reality of who they are. The Creator of the universe deeply loves them, wants them, and delights in them. He died to make a way for them to be close to Him.
Jesus understands rejection.
In becoming human, Jesus showed us the heart of God. He spent His days loving, healing, teaching—pouring Himself out for those He created. In the end, they rejected Him. They falsely accused Him, spit on Him, beat Him, and ultimately crucified Him.
He gets rejection.
His heart goes out to our kids when they are overlooked. He invites them to tell him all about their feelings—not just the pretty ones, but the raw, unfiltered emotions, too. He understands. This place of vulnerability can be the very spot where they encounter God. He’s able to comfort them, heal their wounds, and bring beauty out of their pain.
“I’d choose you.”
When I was young, my mom read a book to me entitled I’d Choose You by John Trent. In this story, a mother elephant describes several scenarios in which she would choose her own son over any other child, no matter who performed best.
I long for my kids to possess a deep confidence that even if another person does something better than they do, I would still choose them—simply because they’re mine. They are loved and treasured, just as they are.
Rejoice with those who rejoice.
Our kids enjoy cheering on their friends, whether it’s an awards ceremony or a swim meet. It’s fun to watch the success of those we love.
It can be difficult to rejoice, though, when someone else’s triumph means our loss. Choosing to celebrate our friends’ or siblings’ achievements develops humility and strengthens friendships.
We can help our kids grow in this by praying with them—leading them in telling God about their feelings and asking for his joy. Then, together, we can take a practical step toward celebration— telling their sibling, “I’m proud of you,” writing a “Congratulations” card, or sending a “Way to go” text. Finally, we can affirm them and reinforce the good character they’ve just displayed by expressing how proud we are of them.
Define true success.
I’ll never forget the day a teacher pulled me aside to talk about a recent incident in P.E. One of the boys was struggling with an activity. Our son noticed and took it upon himself to help this boy, staying by his side as they played the game.
Hearing this brought happy tears to my eyes. I rejoiced in our son’s compassion displayed that day.
“The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love” (Galatians 5:6b). God looks at our kids’ hearts. He values faith and love. He honors integrity and good character. Our kids need to know we do, too.
If we look to good grades or achievement as the measure of success, we’re setting our children up for future problems. Some may be tempted to cheat their way to a good report card. Others may define themselves by their scores—being devastated by poor grades or conceited by good ones.
Our kids need to know that while their grades matter and we’ll celebrate good ones together, report cards exist mainly to show us where there’s room for improvement. A poor grade can indicate the need to devote extra time to a subject or approach it differently. It may point out room for personal growth in diligence, perseverance, or attentiveness. Sometimes, it can even alert us to a possible learning difficulty or disorder.
True success is measured not by an award or the grade on a test but by what’s in the heart.
Rejection affects all of us. Our kids will be overlooked, left out, or even shunned. When this happens, we have the priceless opportunity of pointing them to Jesus and helping them grow stronger and more empathetic through the pain.
Let’s take every opportunity to affirm our children. Let’s instruct them in true success, the beauty of faith, and the value of integrity. The worth of these things will last for eternity.
This article originally appeared on Crosswalk, 03/05/2024:
“I’m your follower!” announced my preschooler in a sing-song voice as she tagged along at my heels. I smiled at her candor, enjoying her company.
Then, the profound truth of her words settled into my soul. My follower. My shadow. A nearly inseparable part of my being during this life season. She watches and continually learns from me (as do her older siblings).
Our children are, quite literally, our followers. Like little disciples, they instinctively look to us as examples, teachers, and leaders. What a privilege! We have the opportunity to introduce them to Jesus, live out the gospel, and model faith in daily life.
And yet, what a sobering responsibility. I don’t know about you, but sometimes this strikes fear in my heart. What if I get it wrong? What about all the times I fall short of being the perfect parent I long to be?
In moments of worry and doubt, we need God to speak truth to our souls. Here are eight reminders that can equip us to live well as Christian parents:
1. God chose us.
No one else on this planet holds our particular job. These kids—they are ours, priceless gifts entrusted to us by our all-wise heavenly Father. He knows their hearts better than we ever will. He equips us with everything we need for the ministry of parenting.
“His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness” (2 Peter 1:3. See also Philippians 4:19 and Hebrews 13:20-21.)
2. Weakness is okay.
It’s not perfect parents (if there were such people) who raise Jesus-loving kids. It’s needy parents modeling the path to maturity—through ups and downs, continually looking to Jesus for wisdom, strength, and transformation. Our kids can learn to relate to God by watching us walk with Him.
When they see us pray, they understand God welcomes and responds to hearts of faith.
When they observe us loving and prioritizing His Word, they discover the Bible is something worth treasuring.
When they hear us ask for forgiveness and see us make restitution when we fail, they understand how to respond to their own shortcomings.
Our kids will have their own hard seasons to face, just like us. They’ll feel inadequate at times, too. As we model an imperfect but intentional life with Christ, they will gain the priceless example of authentic faith—one they can look back on in their own times of need.
“Each time [God] said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ can work through me” (2 Corinthians 12:9 NLT).
3. It’s simpler than we make it.
While rules are essential, and it’s our job to teach our kids right from wrong, Jesus reminds us God’s requirements can be summed up in this way—”Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength [and] love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these” (Mark 12:30-31).
Love God. Love people. Everything else, in parenting and all of life, is peripheral. As we learn from his heart and live from the overflow of our relationship with him, he’ll teach us what living in love looks like.
“We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19).
4. Relationships take priority.
Jesus is a relational God. He cares more about the condition of our hearts than about measurable results. He wants us to know him, not just do things for him. He cares for our souls as he looks deeper than our behavior to the emotions and needs buried below the surface.
He calls us to do the same for our kids. To value their souls and cultivate our relationship with them. To prioritize discipleship over performance. To model and instruct them in practical aspects of healthy relationships.
As we receive his tender care, we can nurture and build relationships with our kids in similar ways.
“He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us” (2 Corinthians 1:4, NLT).
5. Love works better than fear.
When fear drives our parenting choices, we often end up saying words or making decisions we regret. We act before we pray. We grasp for control rather than resting in God’s tender care. First, John reminds us, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love” (4:18).
However, as our ability to trust God’s heart grows, our capacity to walk in love deepens and matures so that “the love of Christ controls and compels us…” (2 Corinthians 5:14 AMP).
6. We are followers, too.
Jesus is our example, as well as our source of wisdom, strength, endurance, and everything else we need on our parenting journey. He invites us to know his heart and join him in his work in our homes.
In addition to learning from Scripture and through prayer, we need the wisdom of other parents, too. God designed us to learn from those in various stages and seasons, from different backgrounds and experiences, with unique gifts and perspectives.
This may look like having an official mentor, or it can be gleaned from watching how other families cultivate strong relationships and build healthy homes.
“Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:1).
7. Community is essential.
Building a healthy family takes community. As the human body needs all its parts to function well, so parents and kids alike gain support, wisdom, and encouragement from living in community with other Christians. Sharing life helps us bear one another’s burdens. It provides opportunities to know and be known. It reminds us that we’re part of something much bigger than ourselves.
“Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near” (Hebrews 10:24-25 NLT).
8. We give from what’s on the inside.
As parents, we spend our days giving, pouring out for those we love. But like nearly empty coffee pots, uncared-for souls have little to offer others. Our bodies need rest. Our souls need silence. Our spirits need space to commune with God.
The one who loves us beckons us to draw close and let him renew our hearts so we can live from the overflow.
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me, and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me, and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly” (Matthew 11:28-30 The Message).
Moms and Dads, our influence in our kids’ lives is irreplaceable. We can be the physical expression of Jesus in our homes each and every day. He has called us to this remarkable role, and He’s with us every step along the way.
This article originally appeared on Crosswalk, 02/27/2024:
If you ask ten people to define the gospel, you’ll likely get ten different answers. Over time and through frequency of use, the word gospel has lost much of its meaning. As Christians, we know it has to do with salvation. We accepted the gospel when we came to faith in Jesus, and we’re supposed to share the gospel with others.
Yet how can we share what we don’t clearly understand? What does the Bible really teach about the gospel?
What Is the Gospel?
Many gospel conversations focus on life after death: All have sinned. Sin separates us from God. Jesus died to save us from hell and make heaven possible for those who believe in him.
But what if this is only part of the gospel story?
What if the gospel is more than a ticket to heaven after we die? What if it’s just as relevant to current believers as it is to those who don’t yet know Jesus?
In the New Testament, the Greek word for gospel is euangelion (or euangelizo when used as a verb). It’s basic meaning is “good news.” This word occurs 130 times in the New Testament, always centering on the story of Jesus and what he accomplished through his life, death, and resurrection.
While it’s definitely good news that Jesus’ sacrifice made a way for us to go to heaven, a closer study of Scripture paints a bigger picture than simply a better life someday. The word gospel didn’t originate in the New Testament with the advent of Jesus. When the apostles wrote about this good news, they built upon the entire Biblical narrative:
God created a good world in which humans ruled as his representatives, living in harmony with him, with each other, and with creation (Genesis 1:31).
Humanity rejected God as their King, ushering in the curse of sin and death and all the brokenness we see in our world (Genesis 3, Romans 5:12).
God, in relentless love, promised to send a Deliverer who would rescue humanity, redeem creation, and reestablish his kingdom on earth (Genesis 3:15, Isaiah 9:1-7).
God chose Abraham to be the father of the Israelite people. Through him, God showed us the supreme value of faith (Genesis 12:1-3, Galatians 3:6-7).
God called Israel to be his people, to model what it looks like to live with God as King. Like the first humans, though, they rejected him repeatedly (Leviticus 26:12, 1 Samuel 8:7).
Israel’s prophets spent hundreds of years foretelling the coming of a new King, echoing God’s original promise of a Deliverer. He would come, they said, as a descendant of Abraham. Through him, all the nations of the world would be blessed. The prophet Isaiah describes the mission this Deliverer would fulfill:
“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, for the Lord has anointed me to bring good news [i.e. the gospel] to the poor.
He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed.
He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of the Lord’s favor has come, and with it, the day of God’s anger against their enemies.
To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair.
In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory” (Isaiah 61:1-3, NLT).
Building on this backstory, New Testament writers proclaimed the good news that Jesus is the promised Deliverer — the one we’ve been awaiting since God’s very first promise in the Garden of Eden.
The Bible Project explains that in the Old Testament, “The ‘good news’ is connected to the victory of a king, or to the enthronement of a king over his kingdom.” This was precisely how New Testament writers used the term. To them, the gospel was a royal announcement (Matthew 24:14).
Jesus’ arrival initiated the Kingdom of God.
Why Is the Gospel of the Kingdom Good News?
Jesus used Isaiah’s words (above) to describe what he came to do as humanity’s rightful King(Luke 4:16-21). Through his earthly ministry, he revealed what the kingdom of God looks like as he healed sickness, banished demons with a word, and conquered death through his own resurrection.
He showed us that in his kingdom, leaders wash the feet of their followers. Mercy triumphs over judgment and faith counts as righteousness. The first are last and peacemakers are the true children of God. The hungry are filled, the broken healed, and the humble inherit the kingdom.
Jesus entered the domain of darkness to set up his kingdom of light. And where Jesus reigns, the curse is undone.
The gospel of the kingdom is good news because it tells us that earth has a new King, one who invites us to join his kingdom through faith in his life, death, and resurrection.
Who Is This Good News For?
While the gospel is good news for those who don’t yet know Jesus, it’s also good news for those of us who follow him. Far more than a heavenly home someday, the gospel enables us to begin enjoying our inheritance right now. Because of the gospel, we have:
Peace with God
The “gospel of peace” (Ephesians 6:15) reconciles us to the Father. No longer are we at odds with him, separated by our sin. He is for us. He welcomes us to approach him boldly. He relates to us as beloved children.
“Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us.Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory” (Romans 5:1-2, emphasis added).
A New Identity
The gospel redefines us. We are “no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household” (Ephesians 2:19). Jesus is King and we are his chosen people.
“So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority” (Colossians 2:10).
Ongoing Salvation
While we have been saved from the penalty of sin, and we will someday be saved from the presence of sin (Romans 5:9-11), the Bible tells us we are also being saved from the control of sin in our lives. As we acknowledge Jesus’ kingship and participate with his work in and through us, we are changed from the inside out. The gospel itself is the power source for this ongoing renewal and transformation (Romans 1:16).
“The message of the cross is foolish to those who are headed for destruction! But we who are being saved know it is the very power of God” (1 Corinthians 1:18, emphasis added).
Purpose and Calling
As citizens of Christ’s kingdom, we’ve been entrusted with a vital mission — spreading the gospel of the new King and inviting others to join his kingdom, too. In every profession, in any location, this is the call of God for all his kingdom people. Through his Spirit, he equips us to live out this purpose (Acts 1:8).
“…God has given us this task of reconciling people to him. For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation. So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, ‘Come back to God!’ For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ” (2 Corinthians 5:18b-21, NLT).
The Kingdom Is Here Now, but Also Not Yet
If Jesus is reigning now as earth’s rightful King, and if kingdom living looks like freedom for the captives, healing for the blind, and the end of oppression (Isaiah 61), why is the world still so broken?
Theologians use the phrase “already, not yet” to describe the kingdom of God.
Already, Jesus holds the name above all names. He disarmed the spiritual forces of darkness and triumphed over them at the cross. He possesses all authority in heaven and on earth (Philippians 2:5-11, Colossians 2:13-15, Matthew 28:18).
Already, as citizens of Christ’s kingdom, we have peace with God. By grace through faith, our sins are forgiven. We are joined to Christ in such a way that God sees Jesus’ goodness when he looks at us. We have a new life, a new name, and a new identity. His Spirit lives inside us as our Source of abundant life. Through his ongoing presence, we can learn the ways of the kingdom and the heart of the King, becoming like him as he renews his image in us (Romans 5:1; 1 John 2:12; 2 Corinthians 5:17, 21; John 10:10, 14:26; 2 Corinthians 3:18).
Already, the kingdom of God is here on earth. Instead of looking like armies and thrones we can see, though, this kingdom spreads around the globe by taking root in human hearts. Wherever the gospel goes out and people claim Jesus as their King, the kingdom has come. And where the kingdom comes, so does the power of God (Matthew 12:28, Luke 17:20-21).
Sometimes this is visible, as God’s Spirit confirms the gospel message through miracles such as healing, deliverance, and restoration. Other times, though, the renewal is just as invisible as the kingdom itself. This is where the not yet comes into play.
Though Jesus is King and the earth rightly belongs to him, the best is yet to come. For now, we foretaste the realities of the kingdom. Someday, we’ll experience them in full.
Not yet do the powers of darkness bow to Jesus’ authority. An invisible battle still rages in the spiritual realm. People still choose darkness rather than light, selfishness rather than love, brokenness rather than redemption (1 Corinthians 15:24-28, Philippians 2:10-11, John 3:19).
Not yet do we cease to struggle with sin. We’ve been declared righteous by faith, but we’re still learning to live out this reality as the Spirit changes us from the inside out (Romans 6).
Not yet has God wiped away every tear and removed the things which cause pain (Revelation 21:4).
Not yet is the grave finally destroyed. Sickness still ravages and people still die. When our prayers for healing receive God’s no, we’re reminded we await our full inheritance as kingdom citizens (1 Corinthians 15).
Not yet has the New Heaven come to the New Earth with its life-giving river, its healing tree of life, and its riches beyond our wildest imaginations. Not yet does the King dwell with his people so that we see his face and have no need of the sun or artificial light (Revelation 22:1-6).
The gospel tells us that Jesus is King. His kingdom is here now with its transforming power. Someday it will fully and finally come.
Like springtime in Narnia melting the White Witch’s frigid curse, Christ’s Kingdom has arrived to make all things new. As the hymn writer aptly put it,
“Though the wrong seems oft so strong, God is the Ruler Yet.
This is my Father’s world: Why should my heart be sad? The Lord is King: let the heavens ring! God reigns; let earth be glad!”
This post originally appeared on Bible Study Tools, May 1, 2024:
It was not a good day. For whatever reason, we were justoff.I was irritable and impatient. I found myself correcting every little infraction, every childish noise. The more I corrected, the more frustrated I became.Andthe more my kids acted up.
After snapping at one of my children, I realized I needed help. This downward spiral was not going to improve without divine intervention.
“Lord, please help me control my tongue!”
As I whispered the prayer, the following verse came to mind: “…What you say flows from what is in your heart” (Luke 6:45b, NLT).
My shoulders slumped. If restraining my tongue is a difficult job, changing my heart is impossible. I’ve tried unsuccessfully to do it for many years.
Discouragement gave way to hope, however, as I remembered God is more than able to do just that. His power is infinitely greater than my sin. In love, He pointed out the root of my tongue troubles, not to condemn me, but to show the deeper level on which He wants to work (see Romans 8:1 and 1 John 1:9).
“Lord, change my heart, so love and grace can flow out of me.” My prayer had changed, just as my heart was changing.
Are you struggling to control your tongue today? Be encouraged. God is willing and able to change the heart out of which your mouth speaks. Here are some things to keep in mind:
Recognize the root
Ask God to show you the root of your struggle. I’ve realized I become most irritable when I feel out of control – like when the house is a mess and company is coming over and I can’t keep my kids focused on their chores. Or when I just want the day to run smoothly so I’m not inconvenienced or made uncomfortable.
Pray for heart change
God wants to deal with sin, not merely on the behavior level, but at its core. Once we realize why our tongues are out of control, we can pray for heart change in those specific areas. We’re also more equipped to recognize these heart issues early on, before our tongues take control.
Last week, I became increasingly frustrated during a family chore time. God reminded me that I didn’t have to control the situation, that if my friends arrived before the house was clean, it was okay. As I surrendered to His control, my heart calmed down and my tongue stayed in check.
See the good
As parents, it’s easy to focus on things in our kids’ lives which need correction. While correction is essential, our children also need abundant affirmation and praise. They need us to notice their effort, to applaud them for making the hard choice to do right, to affirm the work of God we see in their lives. They need to know we are for them. That we love them and enjoy them and would choose them out of all the kids in the world. God can help us see the good He wants us to affirm in our kids – we just have to ask Him.
The tongue may be impossible to tame, but our God is able to do the impossible. As we allow Him to change our hearts, we’ll notice a drastic change in our tongues, as well as in our parenting.
The question tugged at the corners of my soul as I trudged through each day. A dark cloud hovered over every waking moment. And sleep? That was a struggle, too. I had one bed-wetter and another child with night-terrors, so the sleep I did get was often fragmented and restless.
How I hated mornings. I dreaded facing a new day.
How can I be a good mom when I feel so sad, so weary, so…depressed?
Numbness presided over my heart. Things that used to bring joy now seemed empty and hollow. Routine tasks overwhelmed me with paralyzing force. I didn’t want to go out, didn’t want to do fun activities with my kids and especially didn’t want to talk about how I was really feeling.
Depression carries such a stigma. If I admitted my daily struggle, I feared people would see me as weak or unspiritual. They might lecture or give unhelpful help. They might judge me.
Oh, what a prison depression can be. It’s like walking through a deep, dark valley with insurmountable cliffs towering high above, blocking out any ray of light or hope for escape.
I’ve spent time there and come out the other side. May I share with you what I learned?
Get real with God.
Jesus calls Himself “the God of hope” and invites us to pour out our hearts to Him.
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” Romans 15:13 ESV
“Trust in Him at all times, O people. Pour out your heart before Him. God is a refuge for us.” Psalm 62:8 ESV
His heart is kind and full of compassion, not condemnation. He can handle our pain and is not disappointed when we struggle. He is still a miracle worker and healer of hearts.
Let others in.
It’s hard to own this struggle, but admitting our need and asking for help is a huge step in the healing process. Maybe it’s a trusted friend or a prayer group that can lift us up before God. Maybe it’s a doctor who can evaluate things from a medical perspective.
Do something for yourself.
This may sound selfish, but sometimes it’s the healthiest, most unselfish thing we can do. We can’t pour into the lives of others if our own tank is on empty. Find something that gives you rest, even enjoyment, and make room for that in your life.
Progress, not perfection.
The day may seem daunting, the job overwhelming. Instead of striving for perfection, aim for progress and rejoice in each step.
Our God is patient as He forms Christ in us. He is not in a hurry, nor is He disappointed that we’re not further down the road to recovery. Becoming like Jesus is a life-long process that God is committed to completing.
“And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” Philippians 1:6 ESV
Depression is a cruel companion, but it does not define us. We are not helpless victims, but treasured children of an all-powerful God. He is always close at hand and has made us more than conquerors through His unconditional love.
