Have you ever felt guilty about experiencing anxiety?
If you read the Bible often or spend a lot of time in the church, you’re probably familiar with verses like this one: “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done”(Philippians 4:6).
It’s easy to read this and feel ashamed whenever anxiety hijacks our hearts. This shame can cause us to pull away from the God who is our peace. It can lead us to deny our struggle, suppress our concerns, or just try harder to stop worrying — as if we could overcome our inner turmoil by the sheer force of our will.
God calls us to something far more holistic and relational.
As humans made in his image, we’re emotional beings like the Creator we reflect. Scripture reveals a God who experiences a range of emotions. He’s not disappointed by the big feelings we face. In fact, when we carry personal concerns, experience life crises, or encounter the world’s brokenness, it’s natural to feel deeply troubled. To not feel this turmoil would not be human.
As someone who’s dealt with more than a little worry in my life, even needing anti-anxiety medication during especially difficult seasons, this topic lives close to my heart. I want to walk faithfully with God and practice wise mental health habits.
Is it possible to do both?
Scripture reveals that it is. Let’s do a deep dive into God’s Word and discover a healthy framework for tending to our inner and outer lives.
First, however, it’s important to acknowledge that not all anxiety is created equal.
The lyrics to the church worship song fell flat on my heavy heart. With my mind, I trust in the goodness of God — it’s one of my deepest core beliefs. But that day, my emotions were a tangled mess of confusion, grief, and anger as I walked through a very painful season.
“God, this doesn’t feel good. I’m struggling to sing these words today.” I wanted to keep believing he’s good, but clinging to hope when the future looked bleak took some serious wrestling with God.
Hold it together. Don’t bawl in front of everyone. You did that last week, surely you can keep your composure this week. I wish I had a tissue.
Suddenly, I felt a friend standing next to me. She put her arm around my shoulder and pulled me into a welcomed hug. From where she sat two rows behind me, she’d noticed my struggle. Maybe it was the way I kept dabbing at my eyes as I tried to be discreet. Maybe it was my hunched shoulders, tense with bottled-up emotions. Somehow, she noticed me hurting and didn’t want me to stand there alone.
A minute later, a second friend put her arm around me from the other side. Then I felt a hand on my back from someone in the row behind me.
The dam broke. The tears flowed. Sobs shook my body. And my friends stayed right by my side. They didn’t care that I fell apart. They just wanted me to know I wasn’t alone.
As we stood there, God’s Spirit whispered silently to my soul. I do love you, even though circumstances are hard. I am good, even when life is not. You’re surrounded by mercy.
And quite literally, I was.
As someone whose story is riddled with religious trauma, leaning into church life can be a challenge for me. But through this beautiful community we call our church home, I’m learning how God invites us to walk together through suffering.
Beware of Spiritual Bypassing
One of the greatest hindrances to helping our hurting friends is the practice of spiritual bypassing. Psychotherapist Dr. Alison Cook explains that spiritual bypassing is “using spiritual concepts, platitudes, or spiritual language to bypass or over-spiritualize the real struggles that we face.” It shortcuts the deep work God wants to do in our hearts by offering a quick-fix, a mind-over-matter solution, a focus on performance rather than a process of inner renewal.
Regrettably, I’ve been guilty of spiritual bypassing on many occasions. In response to someone’s painful story, I’ve quoted Bible verses, offered simplistic solutions, or evaded my own discomfort by promising to pray for them, then walking away. (And I may or may not have remembered to pray.) Sometimes I’ve even patted myself on the back afterwards, congratulating myself for “sharing the truth.”
In reality, though, my help was not helpful.
In a previous article, we looked at ways spiritual bypassing harms people — misrepresenting God’s heart, hindering authentic connection, causing us to feel unknown, and ignoring the whole person. In that article, we explored how to avoid this on a personal level. Today, let’s focus on the broader picture of avoiding spiritual bypassing in our communities.
For seven ways we can offer life-giving support, hop over to Bible Study Tools.
Is it possible to disagree without being disagreeable? How can Christians hold different opinions without creating division? What heart attitudes promote harmony in a dissonant world?
Throughout the New Testament, God calls his people to like-mindedness.
“Live in harmony with each other. Let there be no divisions in the church. Rather, be of one mind, united in thought and purpose” (1 Corinthians 1:10).
“Make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind” (Philippians 2:2).
“Let us aim for harmony in the church and try to build each other up” (Romans 14:19).
These verses have me nodding my head in agreement. Yes, unity is beautiful — a noble calling for a holy people. I want to live this way. To build others up, to represent the gospel well, to reflect the God who is our peace.
In the everyday, though, life gets messy.
We all operate with our own unique filters: our culture, our family background, our stories, our church affiliation, our wounds, our personalities. Even as Christians, we hold different beliefs, have different priorities, lean toward different preferences.
How, then, can we possibly promote peace?
As humans we often gravitate to one extreme or another. Many of us are conflict avoidant. We run from disagreement or quietly smile and nod, keeping our thoughts and opinions to ourselves. Others of us are confrontational. If we disagree, we don’t mind saying so. In both situations, our natural responses can lead to division.
Here, as in many other situations, God beckons us into the middle spaces of grace where uniformity isn’t necessary for unity. He wants to reshape our hearts so we can speak up with confidence when something needs to be said, and we can listen with humility when he calls us to be quiet. We can learn to bring harmony into the situations we encounter as God weaves his peace into our souls.
5 Attitudes for Disagreeing without Dividing
1. Humility
In my young adult years, I held firm beliefs on many topics — especially when it came to the Bible. After walking through the collapse and reconstruction of my faith, however, I learned there’s often a bigger picture than what I can see on my own. For sure, truth is absolute, and the Bible speaks clearly on many black and white issues.
But life also holds many gray areas. On these topics, the Bible leaves room for us to lean into God, to learn and study and explore, to listen for his voice while embracing humility and a teachable heart.
1 Peter 5:5 instructs us, “Dress yourselves in humility as you relate to one another, for ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’”
Humility paves the way for growth. It fosters healthy conversations and leaves room for others to express different viewpoints. It enables us to listen without defensiveness and learn from one another.
2. Curiosity
If humility opens the door for authentic conversations, curiosity helps those conversations go deep and wide. Scripture calls us to be quick to listen and slow to speak (James 1:19). Curiosity helps us do just that.
A few years ago, our family started attending a new church. Before settling here, we’d never spent time in this particular denomination. Everything felt new. New terminology, new methodology, new worship styles. We asked lots of questions. We discussed Bible passages and enjoyed many thought-provoking conversations. We gleaned beautiful insight from orthodox voices in a different church tradition.
It felt like stretching, like growing. More than anything, it felt like learning to value our brothers and sisters in the larger Body of Christ.
Curiosity helps us avoid making assumptions based on hearsay or preconceived ideas. It creates space to understand and be understood, to know and be known. It allows us to see souls, not just differences.
3. Respect
By approaching hard conversations with humility and curiosity, we can learn to live with respect. 1 Peter 2:17 instructs us to “Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, [and] fear God…”
Each person we encounter bears God’s image and has immeasurable worth and value. When we treat one another respectfully, we honor God.
In hard conversations with other believers, it’s important to remember that like us, they have the Spirit of God living within them. We should honor their walk with Christ and acknowledge his work in their lives, even in times of disagreement.
An attitude of respect enables us to treat people with dignity. It helps us obey Proverbs 3:3: “Do not let kindness and truth leave you; Bind them around your neck, Write them on the tablet of your heart.”
4. Open-Heartedness
Romans 14 is my go-to passage for relating well with other Christians. In this chapter, the apostle Paul addresses a hot topic in the church at Corinth — eating meat sacrificed to idols. While this may seem strange to many twenty-first century believers, it was a point of major contention for this early church.
Paul urges believers on both sides of the issue to accept each other. In the Bible’s original Greek, acceptance carries the idea of friendship, of welcoming someone close and allowing them access to your heart.
In the family of God, Christians are called to welcome one another — even those with whom we disagree.
Why? Because God accepts them, just as he accepts us. Based on our mutual faith in Christ, we stand accepted by our Father. He has granted us access to his heart and lavished us with his favor. He is the One who helps us stand strong in our faith, and he is the One to whom we will give account.
While we may naturally gravitate to those with similar viewpoints, God calls us to live with an open heart toward those who view life differently.
5. Confidence
Relating to one another with acceptance, however, doesn’t mean our differences are unimportant. It doesn’t excuse sin that should be confronted or negate the need for sound doctrine and healthy boundaries. It doesn’t minimize personal conviction or call us to simply conform to the beliefs of those around us.
On the contrary, Romans 14:5 instructs us to be fully convinced in our own minds that what we believe is true. God calls us to study his Word, seek his heart, and allow his Spirit to teach us. As he guides us in forming convictions, we’ll learn to live out our faith with confidence and to share our beliefs with grace.
Differences are a necessary part of life. Jesus made it clear that he came to present people with a choice to either accept or reject him by faith. As Christians, we won’t always agree with those who don’t know him. God calls us to relate to non-believers with gentleness and respect (1 Peter 3:15-16).
Within the family of faith, differences of belief are also unavoidable. Denominations exist because, as we study his Word, we Christians land in different places on secondary and tertiary issues. This can be a beautiful thing. We can learn from one other and grow in grace as we remember what we hold in common and allow space for what we see differently.
Our Source of Unity
As is true with every quality God calls us to practice, these heart attitudes can only grow in us through connection with God’s Spirit. Rather than demanding we perform them for him, he calls us to receive them from him.
His Spirit is our Source. Whenever we see in ourselves a lack of humility, curiosity, respect, open-heartedness, or confidence, God beckons us to bring our wrong attitudes into his light. To turn from our lack to his abundance. To allow his Spirit to renew our minds so our attitudes and actions can change as a result. As he does this, we’ll become more and more like him.
The God who calls us to “Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace” (Ephesians 4:3) will teach us how to “be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude” (1 Peter 3:8).
The following quote has been variously attributed to St. Augustine, John Wesley, and others. But regardless of who said it, it sums up our Christian calling well:
“In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, charity.”
As we walk with God and allow him to form his character in our lives, may he use us to promote harmony among the people he loves.
This article originally appeared at Bible Study Tools on 12/16/2024.
“God has a plan so everything’s going to work out.”
“Just give it to Jesus and count your blessings.”
“Keep praying and reading your Bible.”
If you’ve spent much time in Christian circles, you’ve likely heard phrases like these. Maybe, like me, you’ve even spoken them. They’re often well intentioned — our best attempts to help a struggling friend (or ourselves) cope with pain and hold onto faith. But while they may contain an element of truth, these types of comments have potential to cause great harm.
Psychologists call them spiritual bypassing.
To learn more about spiritual bypassing and 4 ways it harms us, as well as a healthier alternative, join me at Bible Study Tools.
I puzzled at the early morning text. Why is my friend asking if we’re safe?
A text from my neighbor clued me in. “A pine tree fell and damaged your shed and maybe your house.”
My oldest daughter and I were out of the state for a college preview when I received these messages. I had no idea our family back home was in danger. We’d heard hurricane Helene was coming, but we live hundreds of miles from Florida. Our schools had closed, but we assumed it was just a precautionary measure.
I needed to call my family.
Relief washed over me when I heard my husband’s voice. “We’re safe. We’ve been camped out in the hallway for the past several hours.”
He went on to describe a storm unlike anything we’d ever experienced. The wind was so fierce they could feel it in the house with the doors and windows closed. Rainwater came into the living room because the storm blew it under the windowsills. A tree fell on my husband’s car, but thankfully none landed on our house.
My daughter and I finally made it home after several GPS reroutes, and tears filled my eyes as I drove into our city. Billboards stripped of their ads. The side of a building lying on the ground next to a tangle of broken power lines. Cars crushed and houses cut in half by massive fallen pines.
Never had I witnessed such devastation. Oh, I’d seen pictures and videos of hurricane damage before. But this was my city. These were my neighbors. That was our car.
In the days that followed, I experienced a jumble of emotions. Grief for my friends over what they’d lost. Relief that we hadn’t lost much. Guilt over feeling such relief. Shame for being sad and anxious when others had it worse. Gratitude for the hundreds of different ways our community banded together to show love.
As I processed all these feelings in prayer, I sensed God’s Spirit saying to mine, Look for what is constant and anchor yourself there.
Life’s storms will come, both the physical and the metaphorical ones, but I’m thankful God’s heart never changes. In the wake of our storms, we can anchor ourselves to who he is and lean into his gracious presence.
Here are four qualities of God I’m holding onto as we recover from hurricane Helene:
1. God Is Welcoming
“So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most” (Hebrews 4:16).
“Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge” (Psalm 62:8).
Jesus understands the pain of living in a world that breaks our hearts (Hebrews 4:14-16). He felt anger and sadness, as well as joy, when he walked our planet (Mark 3:5, John 11:35, Luke 10:21). He invites us to bring our whole selves into his presence.
Pour out our hearts.
Describe our emotions.
Bring our questions into the light.
For me, meeting with God in this vulnerable place brings deep healing and renewal. I experience him as my safety, a refuge from all that rages on the outside. I hear his inaudible voice deep within my soul. I gain new perspective on my situation, as well a fresh understanding of his heart.
2. God Is Compassionate
“Jesus saw the huge crowd as he stepped from the boat, and he had compassion on them because they were like sheep without a shepherd. So he began teaching them many things” (Mark 6:34).
Earlier in this passage, Mark explains that Jesus and his disciples were weary. Ministry kept them so busy they didn’t even have time to eat. Also, Jesus had just received word of his cousin John’s martyrdom. Jesus announced it was time for a break as he led his disciples away on a retreat. But the crowds saw where he was headed. They rushed to meet him there. Despite his own exhaustion and grief, Jesus saw them with compassion and lavished them with loving care.
God’s heart is full of kindness and grace. He moves toward us, not away from us, in our need. When we bring him our weary, wounded souls, he meets us with compassion.
3. God Is Present
“[King Nebuchadnezzar] said, ‘Look! I see four men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like a son of the gods’” (Daniel 3:25).
“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand” (Isaiah 41:10).
When we feel we’re drowning in deep waters, he is Emmanuel,God with us. When life seems like one fiery trial after another, the Son of God stands beside us in the flames. When we’re overwhelmed and exhausted from carrying burdens, he’s the gentle, humble Savior who offers rest for our souls (Matthew 11:28-30).
He’s with us in the storm. He’s with us in its wake. He’s with us in the rubble. And he’s with us in the rebuilding.
Even when the darkness tries to convince us otherwise, our God is always with us.
4. God Is Our Source
“And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19).
“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5).
Storms have a way of reminding us of our humanity. They can leave us feeling powerless and empty, anxious about the future and unsure how to move forward. In our time of need, God calls us close. He longs to lavish upon us the riches of his heart and the provision of heaven’s resources.
His Spirit is the Source of all we need. He invites us to trade our anxiety for his peace by talking with him about our concerns (Philippians 4:6-7).
Do you have physical needs? Bring them to the One who fed the 5,000 with two fish and five loaves of bread (Matthew 14).
Are you desperate for direction, in need of hope and heaven’s perspective? Talk to the One who holds all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge (Colossians 2:3).
Do you long to help others heal, but feel you have nothing left to give? Let Jesus fill you with his love and strength until it overflows in practical ways to those around you (John 13:34).
Like the wise man who built his house on the rock, may we anchor ourselves to God’s faithfulness in every storm.
