How can you help someone whose faith is in pieces? When a Christian you love questions beliefs you hold dear, is it possible to walk with them through faith deconstruction?
As someone who experienced the collapse of my faith (and its eventual renewal), I’m deeply grateful for believers who want to come alongside and help. The gift of your presence can make Christ’s love tangible.
If you’ve never walked through deconstruction yourself, however, you may struggle to know just how to help. Understanding the terminology is a good place to begin.
Understanding Faith Deconstruction
No two deconstruction stories are the same. From the initial crisis to an eventual landing place and every detail in between, each story is as unique as the individual living it. Adding to the issue’s complexity, there’s no single, agreed-upon definition.
In general, faith deconstruction is the rethinking of one’s foundational beliefs. Beyond this, the range of definitions varies widely.
Some Christians compare it to literary and philosophical deconstruction, a practice developed in the 1960’s. In those fields, modern readers reinterpret older works based on the belief that truth is relative. When applied to Christianity, this type of deconstruction often leads to significant theological shifts, sometimes even leading to deconversion. Alisa Childers and Tim Barnett seem to have this perspective in mind when they define faith deconstruction as “a postmodern process of rethinking your faith without regarding Scripture as a standard.”
On the other end of the spectrum, Grace Ruiter compares faith deconstruction to a necessary renovation project. She describes it this way, “If you think of Christian faith as a home, pursuing tough questions about your faith is a bit like tearing away the carpeting and knocking out the drywall to see the bones that lie beneath. It pulls apart your beliefs to reveal what they’re made of and what holds them together.” This definition aligns with my own deconstruction experience.
When discussing deconstruction with your loved one, it’s wise to start by understanding how they’re using the term.
Common Denominators in Deconstruction
While each deconstruction story is different, there are often some commonalities. Based on my own experience and the stories I’ve witnessed, here are some realities you’ll want to keep in mind.
Deconstruction Is Painful
For many of us, deconstruction comes on the heels of a traumatic experience. My faith imploded when I learned of the betrayal of a trusted spiritual leader. Though I hadn’t seen him in years, his teachings had shaped my spiritual formation. His betrayal wounded me, and his double-life caused me to question nearly everything I believed.
In addition to the pain from the actual crisis, the journey through deconstruction felt intensely lonely. I was ashamed of my questions and doubts, of the depression that took up residence in me during that season. I was afraid to let people into my process lest they see the mess I’d become. It was easier just to quietly withdraw.
Your loved one may be carrying a very deep wound. They’re trying to figure out where to go from here and how to make sense of what they’ve experienced. By offering the gift of your presence, you can provide a haven through the lonely process.
Deconstruction May Be Unavoidable
Like many others who deconstruct, I didn’t flippantly decide to dismantle my faith. Besides abandoning Christianity altogether, I truly had no other option. My faith was broken and starting over was my only hope for its survival.
As I evaluated my belief system with fresh eyes, I recognized a tangled mess of truth and lies — transactional Christianity that left me exhausted, opinions held because a teacher told me so, Scripture misinterpreted and taken out of context. Deconstruction offered the overhaul my faith required.
Your loved one is likely deconstructing because they must. By supporting them through the process, you can extend a lifeline that gives the option of holding onto faith.
Deconstruction Impacts People Differently
When God’s good gifts are instead used to harm, surprising triggers can result.
Because my faith crisis came after a leader’s betrayal of trust, to this day I struggle with trusting those in positions of spiritual authority. In other situations, when God’s Word was used to shame, manipulate, or control, those affected may have great difficulty reading the Bible or hearing it taught. In situations where harm occurred in a church setting, those wounded in this way may find it impossible to go to church right now — even a different church altogether.
Your loved one may experience triggers that surprise you. When you extend love and compassion, you create space for them to heal at their own pace.
Deconstruction Is a Process
Where your loved one is today is not necessarily their final destination. They’re asking questions and seeking answers, but don’t assume where they’ve landed is where they’ll stay.
My faith deconstruction started over a decade ago. Along the way I discovered it’s more of a journey than an arrival point. As Paul David Tripp put it, “We should all be deconstructing our faith. We better do it. Because our faith becomes a culture, a culture so webbed into the purity of truth, it’s hard to separate the two.”
Healthy faith is curious — always growing, always aware of how much we don’t yet know, always on guard against lies masquerading as the truth.
Your loved one is in process (as we all are). When you love them where they’re at, you keep the door open for an ongoing relationship.
4 Ways to Support Your Loved One through Deconstruction
Micah 6:8 describes qualities that are dear to God’s heart. They can also provide reference points for relating to your loved one.
“He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?”
1. Do Justly
Many a deconstruction story begins with some sort of injustice. Maybe your loved one or someone they care about was harmed. Perhaps they’ve heard one too many stories about yet another church scandal. Whatever the situation, your loved one is likely trying to make sense of it within their worldview.
Affirm their desire for truth and justice. Their heart cry echoes the heart of God. Resist the temptation to rationalize their concerns. Don’t express doubt or downplay their story. This will only add to their pain. Instead, hold gently the concerns they’ve shared with you.
2. Love Kindness
In the Bible’s original Hebrew, the word used in Micah 6:8 for kindnessmeans loyal love. The same word shows up in Proverbs 19:22a, “What a person desires is unfailing love.” This need for consistent, merciful love is especially strong during deconstruction.
Consider how Jesus received the hurting people who came to him. He looked them in the eyes, noticed their struggle, and welcomed them to spend time with him. He didn’t hold them at arm’s length until they figured out the right theology or cleaned up their messes. No, he wept with them and listened to their stories. He loved them right where they were.
This is still God’s heart for people today. Ask him to fill you with his loyal love and to help you see your loved one through his eyes. Allow kindness to characterize your conversations so they feel valued, honored, and loved.
3. Walk Humbly
Part of deconstruction involves asking messy questions, questions rarely voiced within the walls of a church building. While this may make you uncomfortable, verbalize your willingness to listen and your desire to understand your loved one’s perspective. Make room for curiosity and affirm the concerns behind their questions.
While we recognize truth is not relative and historical Christianity rests on some essential basic tenants, we must also acknowledge that gray areas exist. Christians come to different conclusions on secondary and tertiary topics. It’s important to hold your convictions with confidence and humility, acknowledging that believers with different perspectives may have valid Biblical basis for their beliefs. This allows room for differences within the faith community. It validates other Christian voices and shows that genuine faith can exist outside the structure of one specific denomination. Ultimately, it allows your loved one to take a different position on non-essential issues and still hold on to Christ.
4. Trust the Holy Spirit
While faith deconstruction can be alarming, you can rest in the awareness that God is at work behind the scenes. He loves your friend or family member more than any human ever could. He wants a relationship with them and is drawing them in with his kindness (Romans 2:4). No, you can’t guarantee the outcome, but you can trust that his heart is for them.
So, when you’re tempted to correct uncomfortable questions or take control of their process, choose instead to “be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry” (James 1:19). If God leads you to speak truth or share your perspective, do so with gentleness and respect (1 Peter 3:15). Allow God’s perfect love to displace any fear within your heart so you can speak and act with love.
How to Pray for Your Loved One
More than anything, your loved one needs your prayers, especially in these two areas:
1. Pray They Will Experience Christ
Deconstruction is extremely personal. Your loved one is reevaluating beliefs they’ve held at their core. God alone knows the depth of transformation taking place. He sees every hidden wound and hears each unspoken question. He longs to meet them with compassion.
The Living Bible paraphrases Matthew 12:20-21 beautifully as it depicts Jesus’ heart for the hurting. “He does not crush the weak or quench the smallest hope; he will end all conflict with his final victory, and his name shall be the hope of all the world.”
This describes how I experienced Christ when my faith fell apart. Where I expected him to be disappointed in me (as I was in myself), I sensed mercy and open-hearted welcome instead. He dazzled my weary, wounded soul with his grace. Grace I’d sung about and talked about since I was a church kid. Grace far greater than I’d dreamed possible.
The person of Christ held me in the faith. Not well-defined doctrines or convincing arguments. Not creeds or checklists or even the fear of judgment.
Jesus himself is present in deconstruction, inviting people to bring their wounds and their questions and find healing and hope in him.
Your loved one needs to experience Christ. Whether they recognize this need or not, you can pray they will encounter him in soul-mending, faith-building ways.
2. Pray That Deconstruction Leads to Reconstruction
Deconstruction can be beautiful if it leads to restored faith. Just as renovating a historical building is a valuable endeavor, the Christian faith is worth rebuilding when it’s fallen into disrepair. But tearing out what’s rotten and throwing away what’s broken is only part of the process.
God desires to rebuild your loved one’s faith — not just as it was, but as he designed it be so they can flourish.
Before deconstruction, my faith was driven by duty. “Try harder” was my subconscious mantra. I wondered at Jesus’ promise of soul rest, and I secretly doubted he really had abundant life to offer. During deconstruction, he replaced the lies that led me to burnout and taught my soul to rest. He set me on a life-long quest to know his heart and deepened my relationship with him along the way.
Your loved one’s faith needs renewal, too. Pray that as they deconstruct, God himself will rebuild a flourishing faith.
May God’s Spirit guide you as you walk with your loved one through deconstruction, giving you understanding, helping you offer support, and teaching you how to pray for them.
This article originally appeared on Bible Study Tools, 5/30/2024:
As the words of our song reverberated through the Russian cathedral, the memory of those moments etched itself on my soul. Our mission team had come to tour the church. Inspired by the sanctuary’s beauty, we sang God’s praise from the balcony. Never had I heard more beautiful acoustics.
On our way out, a woman who worked in the cathedral spoke to our translator. With tears in her eyes, she explained how she’d prayed for years to hear God praised in another language. Who knew our spontaneous worship would be the answer to a fellow believer’s prayer?
Moments like this feel like ministry. Surrounded by beauty. Inspired by answered prayer. Serving in a country on the other side of the planet.
Parenting, on the other hand, can feel like anything but ministry. Surrounded by messes. Exhausted by relentless needs. Serving in the very real spaces we call home.
It’s easy to think ministry happens out there through people with seminary degrees and a profound sense of calling.
But what if Jesus views parenting as ministry? And if he does, what does the ministry of parenting look like?
Parenting as Ministry
I remember feeling a bit purposeless as a young mom. I changed diapers, read stories, and cooked meals. Then I put the kids to bed and did it all over again the next day—for days, weeks, and months on end. Compared to mission trips, Bible studies led, and worship songs sung, those everyday jobs didn’t feel much like ministry.
Yet, at its core, ministry is service, and that’s exactly what we’re doing in our homes.
Writing about the word’s biblical usage, Bill Mounce explains that ministry “can refer to helps and service of various kinds which can range in meaning from spiritual Biblical teaching (Acts 6:4) to the practical giving of provisions, supplies, support, and finances to those in need (2 Corinthians 9:12).”
What a fitting description of Christian parenting—serving our kids’ spiritual and practical needs.
Here are three ways Jesus views parenting as ministry.
1. Caring for Our Kids’ Needs
When I was preparing to write this article, I asked our teenage daughter, “How do you think Jesus sees parenting as ministry?” She responded with a pun, “I don’t know, but I’m sure God will make it ap-parent to you.” (Groans and eye rolls all around. I love her sense of humor.)
The next day, I asked our teenage son the same question. He reminded me of Matthew 7:9-11 (NLT): “You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead?Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not!So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.”
When we care for our kids’ practical needs, we’re modeling the generous heart of our Father. We’re not just providing food or giving them a safe home to live in. We’re showing them there’s a God who cares for us. One who knows our needs and loves to give what is good. One who values his children infinitely more than the birds he keeps his eye upon (Matthew 6:25-32).
Our kids’ physical needs are often the most obvious and easiest to address. Yet, in the ministry of parenting, God calls us to care for our kids holistically. The One who created humans with bodies, minds, and spirits wants to teach us how to minister to their outward and inward needs.
Caring for our kids’ souls is multidimensional. It involves, among other things, teaching them to process emotions in a healthy way, talking with them about good friendships and healthy boundary setting, and compassionately walking with them through whatever struggles they face.
Through practical ministry in our homes, we can help our kids thrive as they discover and grow into the unique individuals God created them to be.
In addition to caring for their physical and emotional health, the ministry of parenting calls us to invest in their spiritual well-being, too. I like to think of this as discipleship.
2. Relating to Our Kids as Disciples
Discipleship describes the relationship between a teacher and a student. It includes more than simply passing on information, however. Through time spent together, the teacher instructs and models what they want their students to emulate—lessons learned, habits formed, and a worldview acquired.
Jesus’ relationship with his twelve closest followers provides a beautiful picture of what discipleship can look like in our homes. For three years, he spent nearly every day with them—eating, traveling, and working together. Along the way and with intentionality, Jesus taught them about the ways of his kingdom and the heart of his Father.
In the Old Testament, God instructed parents to teach their children in a similar way:
“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates” (Deuteronomy 6:4-9).
In both the Old and New Testaments, we see examples of spiritually investing in those under our care. We can do this in two main ways:
As We Go
For this busy mom, the words of Deuteronomy are a welcome relief. The ministry of parenting involves living out our faith as we go about our daily lives. Most of our family’s spiritually profound conversations are not planned. They come up while we’re driving and discussing concerns about the day ahead. Or at 10 pm when my body wants to sleep but my teen wants to talk. Or when I’m asking forgiveness for speaking with anger instead of love.
These are the moments when real life meets real faith. I’m not studied up or even prayed up, necessarily. But I find myself silently asking the Holy Spirit to fill me with his wisdom, strength, or compassion so I can represent Jesus well in those spontaneous conversations.
On Purpose
God also gave the Israelite people regular, commemorative celebrations to remind them of their relationship with him (Leviticus 23). Woven throughout Scripture is the call to purposely cultivate faith in God (Psalm 11:9, Romans 12:2).
While we may not have annual religious feasts like the Israelites did, we can plan ways to intentionally disciple our kids.
In our family, this has looked different as our kids have grown. When they were little and we were home every day, we read the Bible and prayed together as part of our daily routine. Now that they’re older and we’re away from the house most days, we try to gather and read a devotion a few times a week. A few years ago, when we were in between churches, we set aside Sunday afternoons to talk about the church service we’d just experienced. This led to many beautiful faith conversations.
Ultimately, as I invest in my kids’ spiritual formation, I seek to encourage each of them to embrace their personal walk with God. There’s nothing more beautiful to me than hearing my son or daughter share something they learned from him on their own.
While this is my heart’s desire for each of my kids, it’s also a choice that’s up to them. Our ministry call as parents is simply to make Jesus known and to trust him with our children’s hearts.
3. Modeling Our Own Walk of Faith
An essential part of our calling as Christian parents is to cultivate authentic faith in our own lives. It’s easy to think of this in terms of duty. Like Martha trying desperately to serve Jesus and take care of everyone in her house, we may feel that seeking God is just one more item on our already-full to-do list.
His words to Martha apply to us, too: “…My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her” (Luke 10:41-42 NLT).
It wasn’t that feeding people and ensuring their comfort in her home didn’t matter. Jesus knew Martha’s heart was to honor him and care well for her guests. But he also knew serving him would never satisfy the restlessness of her soul. It couldn’t produce in her the abundant or the fruit of his Spirit.
Unlike Martha, Mary chose to enjoy him. She was concerned about one thing—receiving from Jesus, not doing for Jesus. Sitting at his feet wasn’t a duty (nor was serving him, as we see her doing elsewhere in Scripture). He was her delight, the source of rest for her soul. So, whether she served him or sat quietly at his feet, her focus was on Christ himself.
In a similar way, Jesus beckons us close. He invites us to return to him repeatedly for peace and rest (Psalm 116:7, Matthew 11:28-30). Through set-aside times and on the go, he calls us to live relationally with his Spirit, getting to know him and receiving from him all we need for this ministry of parenting.
A life of authentic faith can be complicated. What a gift we give our children when we allow them to witness our walk with God through the ups and downs.
– When we talk about what God is teaching us, they learn they can hear from him, too.
– When we share how he welcomes us to bring our questions and doubts, they discover they can be real with God, too.
– When we prioritize soul care, they understand the importance of investing in their spiritual lives, too.
– When our love for God compels us to love others, they observe Christ ministering through the hands and feet of his people.
– When they hear us apologize for the wrongs we’ve done, they learn the importance of living with a clear conscience.
Paul encouraged the people of Corinth: “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ” (1 Corinthians 1:11). As parents, we have the privilege of leading our kids toward Christ by example.
The Heart of Ministry
As we care for, disciple, and model faith for our kids, we are living out the ministry of parenting. Underlying all these practices, however, must be a commitment to cultivating our relationship with our kids.
We can read the Bible with our kids every day. We can meet their physical needs and take them to every extracurricular activity they desire. We can bring them to church and send them on mission trips. But if we fail to love them relationally, we’ll undermine everything else we’re trying to do.
Our influence lies in our relationship.
Our kids need to know we care about them and about the things that are important to them. They need us to put down our devices, look them in the eye with a smile, and listen to whatever is on their minds. They need one-on-one time with us and acceptance of their personality, thoughts, and feelings.
As we prioritize our relationship with them, we model the relationship God wants to have with them, as well.
The Perfect Parent
As much as I long to parent well and raise kids with no childhood baggage, like every mom and dad, I fail along the way. God alone is the perfect Parent.
This, of course, is no excuse for mistreatment or neglect. God holds us accountable for those he’s entrusted to our care. But he doesn’t expect perfection—just a growing desire to love well with our words and our actions and a willingness to seek forgiveness when we mess up.
My mentor often reminds me, “Kids don’t need perfect parents. They need a perfect God.”
Our perfect God knows our kids better than we ever will. He offers everything we need to care for and disciple our kids in this ministry of parenting. Through cultivating our relationship with him and our kids, we can point them to the perfect Parent who loves them and invites them to know him, as well.
This article originally appeared on Crosswalk, 03/22/2024:
Applause erupted as our daughter stood to receive her third award of the evening. She beamed with excitement while walking on stage. I listened to the praise of both her teachers and peers. My heart swelled with joy. Their words confirmed what I already knew—she’s an incredible kid.
At the same time, I ached for her brother, who received no awards that night. He’s an amazing kid, too. He did well in his classes, and his kind, fun-loving personality won him many friends. Still, he took home no awards.
Oh, the depth of conflicting emotions a parent’s heart can hold in the same moment.
On the way home, our son commented, “I wonder why I didn’t get any awards.” I turned in the front passenger seat and looked at him with compassion. I’ve experienced these gut-wrenching feelings before, too. I know what it’s like to anticipate affirmation and come away disappointed. I know how hard it is to celebrate with a friend while trying to mask my own pain.
How can we help our kids deal with rejection? Here are some thoughts on preparing them for both disappointment and success:
Our children have different talents and gifts.
As we sat in the car that night, we reminisced about swim team last summer when our son was the one winning the awards. His sister won some, too. But that night, he excelled.
God created each of our kids with unique abilities and individual talents. Faithfulness in using our gifts is more valuable than receiving the applause of others. God sees our hard work, our diligence, and our perseverance—even when others don’t.
God gives us value and identity.
Our son builds amazing Lego creations. He draws detailed bridges. He memorizes facts and Bible verses easily. But none of these abilities define him. They don’t give him his worth any more than his struggles diminish his worth.
Our kids have intrinsic value simply because God made them in His image. No other creature has received such a gift. The praise or criticism of people can’t change the reality of who they are. The Creator of the universe deeply loves them, wants them, and delights in them. He died to make a way for them to be close to Him.
Jesus understands rejection.
In becoming human, Jesus showed us the heart of God. He spent His days loving, healing, teaching—pouring Himself out for those He created. In the end, they rejected Him. They falsely accused Him, spit on Him, beat Him, and ultimately crucified Him.
He gets rejection.
His heart goes out to our kids when they are overlooked. He invites them to tell him all about their feelings—not just the pretty ones, but the raw, unfiltered emotions, too. He understands. This place of vulnerability can be the very spot where they encounter God. He’s able to comfort them, heal their wounds, and bring beauty out of their pain.
“I’d choose you.”
When I was young, my mom read a book to me entitled I’d Choose You by John Trent. In this story, a mother elephant describes several scenarios in which she would choose her own son over any other child, no matter who performed best.
I long for my kids to possess a deep confidence that even if another person does something better than they do, I would still choose them—simply because they’re mine. They are loved and treasured, just as they are.
Rejoice with those who rejoice.
Our kids enjoy cheering on their friends, whether it’s an awards ceremony or a swim meet. It’s fun to watch the success of those we love.
It can be difficult to rejoice, though, when someone else’s triumph means our loss. Choosing to celebrate our friends’ or siblings’ achievements develops humility and strengthens friendships.
We can help our kids grow in this by praying with them—leading them in telling God about their feelings and asking for his joy. Then, together, we can take a practical step toward celebration— telling their sibling, “I’m proud of you,” writing a “Congratulations” card, or sending a “Way to go” text. Finally, we can affirm them and reinforce the good character they’ve just displayed by expressing how proud we are of them.
Define true success.
I’ll never forget the day a teacher pulled me aside to talk about a recent incident in P.E. One of the boys was struggling with an activity. Our son noticed and took it upon himself to help this boy, staying by his side as they played the game.
Hearing this brought happy tears to my eyes. I rejoiced in our son’s compassion displayed that day.
“The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love” (Galatians 5:6b). God looks at our kids’ hearts. He values faith and love. He honors integrity and good character. Our kids need to know we do, too.
If we look to good grades or achievement as the measure of success, we’re setting our children up for future problems. Some may be tempted to cheat their way to a good report card. Others may define themselves by their scores—being devastated by poor grades or conceited by good ones.
Our kids need to know that while their grades matter and we’ll celebrate good ones together, report cards exist mainly to show us where there’s room for improvement. A poor grade can indicate the need to devote extra time to a subject or approach it differently. It may point out room for personal growth in diligence, perseverance, or attentiveness. Sometimes, it can even alert us to a possible learning difficulty or disorder.
True success is measured not by an award or the grade on a test but by what’s in the heart.
Rejection affects all of us. Our kids will be overlooked, left out, or even shunned. When this happens, we have the priceless opportunity of pointing them to Jesus and helping them grow stronger and more empathetic through the pain.
Let’s take every opportunity to affirm our children. Let’s instruct them in true success, the beauty of faith, and the value of integrity. The worth of these things will last for eternity.
This article originally appeared on Crosswalk, 03/05/2024:
“I’m your follower!” announced my preschooler in a sing-song voice as she tagged along at my heels. I smiled at her candor, enjoying her company.
Then, the profound truth of her words settled into my soul. My follower. My shadow. A nearly inseparable part of my being during this life season. She watches and continually learns from me (as do her older siblings).
Our children are, quite literally, our followers. Like little disciples, they instinctively look to us as examples, teachers, and leaders. What a privilege! We have the opportunity to introduce them to Jesus, live out the gospel, and model faith in daily life.
And yet, what a sobering responsibility. I don’t know about you, but sometimes this strikes fear in my heart. What if I get it wrong? What about all the times I fall short of being the perfect parent I long to be?
In moments of worry and doubt, we need God to speak truth to our souls. Here are eight reminders that can equip us to live well as Christian parents:
1. God chose us.
No one else on this planet holds our particular job. These kids—they are ours, priceless gifts entrusted to us by our all-wise heavenly Father. He knows their hearts better than we ever will. He equips us with everything we need for the ministry of parenting.
“His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness” (2 Peter 1:3. See also Philippians 4:19 and Hebrews 13:20-21.)
2. Weakness is okay.
It’s not perfect parents (if there were such people) who raise Jesus-loving kids. It’s needy parents modeling the path to maturity—through ups and downs, continually looking to Jesus for wisdom, strength, and transformation. Our kids can learn to relate to God by watching us walk with Him.
When they see us pray, they understand God welcomes and responds to hearts of faith.
When they observe us loving and prioritizing His Word, they discover the Bible is something worth treasuring.
When they hear us ask for forgiveness and see us make restitution when we fail, they understand how to respond to their own shortcomings.
Our kids will have their own hard seasons to face, just like us. They’ll feel inadequate at times, too. As we model an imperfect but intentional life with Christ, they will gain the priceless example of authentic faith—one they can look back on in their own times of need.
“Each time [God] said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ can work through me” (2 Corinthians 12:9 NLT).
3. It’s simpler than we make it.
While rules are essential, and it’s our job to teach our kids right from wrong, Jesus reminds us God’s requirements can be summed up in this way—”Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength [and] love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these” (Mark 12:30-31).
Love God. Love people. Everything else, in parenting and all of life, is peripheral. As we learn from his heart and live from the overflow of our relationship with him, he’ll teach us what living in love looks like.
“We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19).
4. Relationships take priority.
Jesus is a relational God. He cares more about the condition of our hearts than about measurable results. He wants us to know him, not just do things for him. He cares for our souls as he looks deeper than our behavior to the emotions and needs buried below the surface.
He calls us to do the same for our kids. To value their souls and cultivate our relationship with them. To prioritize discipleship over performance. To model and instruct them in practical aspects of healthy relationships.
As we receive his tender care, we can nurture and build relationships with our kids in similar ways.
“He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us” (2 Corinthians 1:4, NLT).
5. Love works better than fear.
When fear drives our parenting choices, we often end up saying words or making decisions we regret. We act before we pray. We grasp for control rather than resting in God’s tender care. First, John reminds us, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love” (4:18).
However, as our ability to trust God’s heart grows, our capacity to walk in love deepens and matures so that “the love of Christ controls and compels us…” (2 Corinthians 5:14 AMP).
6. We are followers, too.
Jesus is our example, as well as our source of wisdom, strength, endurance, and everything else we need on our parenting journey. He invites us to know his heart and join him in his work in our homes.
In addition to learning from Scripture and through prayer, we need the wisdom of other parents, too. God designed us to learn from those in various stages and seasons, from different backgrounds and experiences, with unique gifts and perspectives.
This may look like having an official mentor, or it can be gleaned from watching how other families cultivate strong relationships and build healthy homes.
“Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:1).
7. Community is essential.
Building a healthy family takes community. As the human body needs all its parts to function well, so parents and kids alike gain support, wisdom, and encouragement from living in community with other Christians. Sharing life helps us bear one another’s burdens. It provides opportunities to know and be known. It reminds us that we’re part of something much bigger than ourselves.
“Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near” (Hebrews 10:24-25 NLT).
8. We give from what’s on the inside.
As parents, we spend our days giving, pouring out for those we love. But like nearly empty coffee pots, uncared-for souls have little to offer others. Our bodies need rest. Our souls need silence. Our spirits need space to commune with God.
The one who loves us beckons us to draw close and let him renew our hearts so we can live from the overflow.
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me, and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me, and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly” (Matthew 11:28-30 The Message).
Moms and Dads, our influence in our kids’ lives is irreplaceable. We can be the physical expression of Jesus in our homes each and every day. He has called us to this remarkable role, and He’s with us every step along the way.
This article originally appeared on Crosswalk, 02/27/2024:
If you ask ten people to define the gospel, you’ll likely get ten different answers. Over time and through frequency of use, the word gospel has lost much of its meaning. As Christians, we know it has to do with salvation. We accepted the gospel when we came to faith in Jesus, and we’re supposed to share the gospel with others.
Yet how can we share what we don’t clearly understand? What does the Bible really teach about the gospel?
What Is the Gospel?
Many gospel conversations focus on life after death: All have sinned. Sin separates us from God. Jesus died to save us from hell and make heaven possible for those who believe in him.
But what if this is only part of the gospel story?
What if the gospel is more than a ticket to heaven after we die? What if it’s just as relevant to current believers as it is to those who don’t yet know Jesus?
In the New Testament, the Greek word for gospel is euangelion (or euangelizo when used as a verb). It’s basic meaning is “good news.” This word occurs 130 times in the New Testament, always centering on the story of Jesus and what he accomplished through his life, death, and resurrection.
While it’s definitely good news that Jesus’ sacrifice made a way for us to go to heaven, a closer study of Scripture paints a bigger picture than simply a better life someday. The word gospel didn’t originate in the New Testament with the advent of Jesus. When the apostles wrote about this good news, they built upon the entire Biblical narrative:
God created a good world in which humans ruled as his representatives, living in harmony with him, with each other, and with creation (Genesis 1:31).
Humanity rejected God as their King, ushering in the curse of sin and death and all the brokenness we see in our world (Genesis 3, Romans 5:12).
God, in relentless love, promised to send a Deliverer who would rescue humanity, redeem creation, and reestablish his kingdom on earth (Genesis 3:15, Isaiah 9:1-7).
God chose Abraham to be the father of the Israelite people. Through him, God showed us the supreme value of faith (Genesis 12:1-3, Galatians 3:6-7).
God called Israel to be his people, to model what it looks like to live with God as King. Like the first humans, though, they rejected him repeatedly (Leviticus 26:12, 1 Samuel 8:7).
Israel’s prophets spent hundreds of years foretelling the coming of a new King, echoing God’s original promise of a Deliverer. He would come, they said, as a descendant of Abraham. Through him, all the nations of the world would be blessed. The prophet Isaiah describes the mission this Deliverer would fulfill:
“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, for the Lord has anointed me to bring good news [i.e. the gospel] to the poor.
He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed.
He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of the Lord’s favor has come, and with it, the day of God’s anger against their enemies.
To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair.
In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory” (Isaiah 61:1-3, NLT).
Building on this backstory, New Testament writers proclaimed the good news that Jesus is the promised Deliverer — the one we’ve been awaiting since God’s very first promise in the Garden of Eden.
The Bible Project explains that in the Old Testament, “The ‘good news’ is connected to the victory of a king, or to the enthronement of a king over his kingdom.” This was precisely how New Testament writers used the term. To them, the gospel was a royal announcement (Matthew 24:14).
Jesus’ arrival initiated the Kingdom of God.
Why Is the Gospel of the Kingdom Good News?
Jesus used Isaiah’s words (above) to describe what he came to do as humanity’s rightful King(Luke 4:16-21). Through his earthly ministry, he revealed what the kingdom of God looks like as he healed sickness, banished demons with a word, and conquered death through his own resurrection.
He showed us that in his kingdom, leaders wash the feet of their followers. Mercy triumphs over judgment and faith counts as righteousness. The first are last and peacemakers are the true children of God. The hungry are filled, the broken healed, and the humble inherit the kingdom.
Jesus entered the domain of darkness to set up his kingdom of light. And where Jesus reigns, the curse is undone.
The gospel of the kingdom is good news because it tells us that earth has a new King, one who invites us to join his kingdom through faith in his life, death, and resurrection.
Who Is This Good News For?
While the gospel is good news for those who don’t yet know Jesus, it’s also good news for those of us who follow him. Far more than a heavenly home someday, the gospel enables us to begin enjoying our inheritance right now. Because of the gospel, we have:
Peace with God
The “gospel of peace” (Ephesians 6:15) reconciles us to the Father. No longer are we at odds with him, separated by our sin. He is for us. He welcomes us to approach him boldly. He relates to us as beloved children.
“Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us.Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory” (Romans 5:1-2, emphasis added).
A New Identity
The gospel redefines us. We are “no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household” (Ephesians 2:19). Jesus is King and we are his chosen people.
“So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority” (Colossians 2:10).
Ongoing Salvation
While we have been saved from the penalty of sin, and we will someday be saved from the presence of sin (Romans 5:9-11), the Bible tells us we are also being saved from the control of sin in our lives. As we acknowledge Jesus’ kingship and participate with his work in and through us, we are changed from the inside out. The gospel itself is the power source for this ongoing renewal and transformation (Romans 1:16).
“The message of the cross is foolish to those who are headed for destruction! But we who are being saved know it is the very power of God” (1 Corinthians 1:18, emphasis added).
Purpose and Calling
As citizens of Christ’s kingdom, we’ve been entrusted with a vital mission — spreading the gospel of the new King and inviting others to join his kingdom, too. In every profession, in any location, this is the call of God for all his kingdom people. Through his Spirit, he equips us to live out this purpose (Acts 1:8).
“…God has given us this task of reconciling people to him. For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation. So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, ‘Come back to God!’ For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ” (2 Corinthians 5:18b-21, NLT).
The Kingdom Is Here Now, but Also Not Yet
If Jesus is reigning now as earth’s rightful King, and if kingdom living looks like freedom for the captives, healing for the blind, and the end of oppression (Isaiah 61), why is the world still so broken?
Theologians use the phrase “already, not yet” to describe the kingdom of God.
Already, Jesus holds the name above all names. He disarmed the spiritual forces of darkness and triumphed over them at the cross. He possesses all authority in heaven and on earth (Philippians 2:5-11, Colossians 2:13-15, Matthew 28:18).
Already, as citizens of Christ’s kingdom, we have peace with God. By grace through faith, our sins are forgiven. We are joined to Christ in such a way that God sees Jesus’ goodness when he looks at us. We have a new life, a new name, and a new identity. His Spirit lives inside us as our Source of abundant life. Through his ongoing presence, we can learn the ways of the kingdom and the heart of the King, becoming like him as he renews his image in us (Romans 5:1; 1 John 2:12; 2 Corinthians 5:17, 21; John 10:10, 14:26; 2 Corinthians 3:18).
Already, the kingdom of God is here on earth. Instead of looking like armies and thrones we can see, though, this kingdom spreads around the globe by taking root in human hearts. Wherever the gospel goes out and people claim Jesus as their King, the kingdom has come. And where the kingdom comes, so does the power of God (Matthew 12:28, Luke 17:20-21).
Sometimes this is visible, as God’s Spirit confirms the gospel message through miracles such as healing, deliverance, and restoration. Other times, though, the renewal is just as invisible as the kingdom itself. This is where the not yet comes into play.
Though Jesus is King and the earth rightly belongs to him, the best is yet to come. For now, we foretaste the realities of the kingdom. Someday, we’ll experience them in full.
Not yet do the powers of darkness bow to Jesus’ authority. An invisible battle still rages in the spiritual realm. People still choose darkness rather than light, selfishness rather than love, brokenness rather than redemption (1 Corinthians 15:24-28, Philippians 2:10-11, John 3:19).
Not yet do we cease to struggle with sin. We’ve been declared righteous by faith, but we’re still learning to live out this reality as the Spirit changes us from the inside out (Romans 6).
Not yet has God wiped away every tear and removed the things which cause pain (Revelation 21:4).
Not yet is the grave finally destroyed. Sickness still ravages and people still die. When our prayers for healing receive God’s no, we’re reminded we await our full inheritance as kingdom citizens (1 Corinthians 15).
Not yet has the New Heaven come to the New Earth with its life-giving river, its healing tree of life, and its riches beyond our wildest imaginations. Not yet does the King dwell with his people so that we see his face and have no need of the sun or artificial light (Revelation 22:1-6).
The gospel tells us that Jesus is King. His kingdom is here now with its transforming power. Someday it will fully and finally come.
Like springtime in Narnia melting the White Witch’s frigid curse, Christ’s Kingdom has arrived to make all things new. As the hymn writer aptly put it,
“Though the wrong seems oft so strong, God is the Ruler Yet.
This is my Father’s world: Why should my heart be sad? The Lord is King: let the heavens ring! God reigns; let earth be glad!”
This post originally appeared on Bible Study Tools, May 1, 2024:
