Why should I keep following God when he isn’t answering my prayers?
The unspoken question haunted me. I wished I didn’t feel this way. I told myself I should just keep trusting. For all my trying, though, the uncertainty continued. And with it, accusations against God’s character chipped away at my faith.
God doesn’t really care about you.
He’ll never answer your prayers.
He probably isn’t trustworthy.
With gentleness and grace, God drew near, reminding me he already knew my thoughts. He invited me to bring them into the open. Voice the feelings. Verbalize the doubts. Lay bare my soul before the One who sees me as I am and loves me.
So, I did.
As I poured out my disillusionment and admitted what my head was saying about his heart, I found myself on holy ground. He met me there in a deeply personal way. Rather than bypassing my pain or scolding my lack of faith, he received my questions. With his still, small voice, he asked me a question in return, the same question he’d asked Peter in John 6:67, “Do you want to walk away?”
As I pondered his question, I found myself answering as Peter did, “Where would I go? You have the words of life” (v 68). I remembered the history we’ve shared — how he delivered me from a food addiction as a teenager, how he healed my broken heart as a young adult. I’d tasted of his goodness. I’d experienced his grace. He was as real to me as the people in my own family.
No, I didn’t want to walk away. Despite the pain in my soul, even though he had yet to answer my prayers, he was still the same God. Still loving. Still powerful. Still for me and worthy of my trust.
I left that encounter a different person, not because my circumstances had changed or because he’d promised me they would. On the contrary, he gave me himself. He let me experience his open-hearted welcome, his understanding, and his soul-mending grace.
When our faith is slipping, God offers to be our firm foundation (Isaiah 33:6). He stands ready with open arms to receive us in our brokenness, eager to welcome us home (Luke 15:20). He’ll never reject those who come to him (John 6:37).
If you find yourself in a similar spot, I invite you to make space to pour out your heart before God.
Preparing to Pray
In Genesis 3, God asked Adam and Eve a probing question as they hid from him in the Garden. “But the LORD God called to the man, ‘Where are you?’” (v. 9). With this inquiry, the Creator beckoned them out of the shadows and into his presence. God invites us, too, to ponder the state of our souls.
As you prepare to meet with him, consider the following suggestions:
Go to a quiet place
As a mom with three kids, I know the challenge of finding a spot where I can be alone. This may take some planning and creativity, but if possible, find a location where it’s just you and God.
Turn toward God
I’m so used to living busy that it takes intentionality to be still and turn my soul heavenward. Taking a physical posture can help: kneeling, looking up, raising our hands. Listening to music or being in nature can also focus our hearts on God.
Pay attention to your body
When I press pause and listen to my body, I often recognize emotions I hadn’t yet acknowledged. I notice tense muscles. I sense shallow breathing. I discover my jaw is clenched. These physical reactions provide clues to what’s going on in my soul. God wants to meet with us on this level — at the core of our being, helping us understand what we’re feeling and why, revealing his heart and mending ours along the way.
Pray in ways you personally connect with God
My favorite way to pray is with journal and pen in hand. I love writing out my thoughts and recording what I sense God’s Spirit saying in my heart. I also enjoy prayer walking, especially when I’m experiencing big emotions. How do you most easily connect with God? If you’re not sure, try different methods and see what works best for you.
Here are five prayers to guide you in times of faith crisis.
5 Prayers for When Your Faith Is Slipping
1. When You Have No Words
“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness, for we do not know how we should pray, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with inexpressible groanings” (Romans 8:26).
Lord, there’s so much simmering inside me right now, I’m not even sure how to pray. You see what’s going on in my heart. You understand my situation more clearly than I do. How do you want me to pray?
God may impress a specific request or direction for prayer on your heart. If so, talk with him about this. If not, take comfort in knowing his Spirit is praying on your behalf.
You can also use the Psalms as a springboard for your prayers, personalizing them as if you were the one penning them. For example, based on Psalm 23, I would pray something like this:
Lord, you are my Shepherd, the One who meets my needs. Please feed my soul and give my heart rest. Make me like a sheep grazing in open pasture beside a quiet brook. Renew my strength and guide me. I want to honor you. Right now, Lord, I feel like I’m walking through a dark valley. Please silence the fear clawing at my soul. Help me sense your nearness. Protect, comfort, and care for me. Thank you for your ever-present goodness and mercy. Please quiet my heart with your love.
2. When Emotions, Questions, and Doubts Overwhelm
“Pour out your hearts before him! God is our shelter!” (Psalm 62:8b).
God, I feel __________ (list your emotions.) Please help me understand these emotions and why I’m feeling them. Show me what’s going on beneath the surface. I don’t understand __________ (list your questions.) Help me see my situation from your perspective. I’m struggling to believe __________ (list your doubts about his character or his Word.) Reveal the facet of your character I most need to experience right now. Thank you for receiving me, for not pushing me away to fix my own problems.
The Bible describes God as siting on “the throne of grace” (Hebrews 4:16). Jesus threw open the door to his presence and he beckons the needy to draw near (Mark 15:37-38). We can approach him with confidence, knowing he wants to listen to our hearts and reveal his.
3. When You Need God to Intervene
“Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life” (Philippians 4:6, The Message).
Lord, you are a kind Father who wants to give good gifts to your children. I have some pretty big needs right now. I ask you to work in my heart (Romans 12:2). Where there’s doubt, give me faith. Where there’s anger, grant me forgiveness. Where there’s anxiety, let me know your peace. Where there’s disillusionment, impart hope. Where there’s brokenness, bring your healing.
Please work in my circumstances, too. I need you to move__________ (list your specific requests). Provide for my needs. Reconcile wounded relationships. Allow me to experience both your mighty power and your tender care (2 Chronicles 16:9, Psalm 139:3).
When Jesus instructs us to ask, seek, and knock, he bases this invitation on the generous heart of our Father (Matthew 7:7-11). When he tells us not to worry, he reasons that our Father wants to take care of us (Matthew 6:25-34). Because our God loves us, we can ask him for whatever we need.
4. When You Feel Alone
“A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:12).
Father, I pray for community. Please surround me with people who can help bear the burdens I’m carrying (Galatians 6:2). Send people into my life who’ve walked a similar path. Use your children to speak grace and truth into my circumstances. Provide healers to help me walk toward wholeness. Give me vision for how I’ll be able to do the same for others.
God works relationally, often through the hands and feet of his people. Those who’ve met God in their own struggles are equipped to help others meet him there, too. Ask God to show you how you can seek out this kind of community.
5. When You’re Choosing to Trust
“Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God” (Psalm 42:5).
Thank you, God, for welcoming me as I am. Thank you for how you’ve met with me in my struggle. I long for you to change my circumstances, but I choose to believe you’re trustworthy, even if you don’t answer the way I’m asking you to. “I do believe! Help me overcome my unbelief” (Mark 9:24).
When our faith is fragile, God beckons us close. He invites us to process what we’re thinking and feeling with him, to experience his nearness, and to allow him to heal and strengthen our souls.
What pictures come to mind when you hear the word gentle? A soft breeze? A kid-friendly pet? A woman known for her kindness?
While these images capture some of the word’s meaning, the Bible portrays gentleness in a more audacious way than we tend to assume. For Christians called to “put on hearts of gentleness” (Colossians 3:12), it’s important we understand how the Bible uses this word.
Gentleness Starts with Jesus
God calls us to be gentle because he is gentle. He is our starting point. When we experience his gentleness toward us, we learn how he intends this quality to flourish in our lives.
The same is true of all the fruits of the Spirit. We’re called to live in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control because that’s who God is (Galatians 5:21-22). These are the fruits of the Spirit because they describe the Holy Spirit’s character. As our hearts become more like his, his fruit naturally grows within us.
The best place to see what God’s gentleness looks like is in the life of Jesus. Hebrews 1:3 explains that Jesus “radiates God’s own glory and expresses the very character of God…” In him, gentleness plays out in the nitty-gritty of everyday life.
Yet sometimes Jesus’ story is confusing. We can easily see his gentleness when he stood silent before his accusers, or when he rode into Jerusalem on a donkey instead of a war horse. But what about when he called the religious leaders a “brood of vipers” or drove the money changers out of the temple with a whip (Matthew 27:12-14, 21:4-5, 12: 34-35, John 2:15-17)?
This confusion highlights several myths we often assume about gentleness.
Myth 1: Gentleness Makes Me a Doormat
In English, the word gentleness sometimes carries the connotation of timidity. In fact, some versions of our English Bible translate the word as meekness, which sounds a lot like weakness — especially when used in common expressions like “meek as a lamb.”
This can lead us to wonder, if I choose to cultivate gentleness, am I giving up my voice? Does it look like a lack of passion, preference, or ambition?
Gentleness in Jesus’ Life
Our gentle, humble Jesus was anything but a doormat. While he washed the feet of his betrayer and sometimes chose to be silent, he had no problem setting boundaries or speaking his mind. No human controlled what he said or what he did.
And he didn’t simply act gentle when he walked our planet. He described his very heart as gentle (Matthew 11:29).
Jesus, at the core of his being, is gentle.
This has always been God’s heart — even in the Old Testament. The psalmist David praised God saying, “You have also given me the shield of your salvation, and your right hand upholds me; and your gentleness makes me great” (Psalm 18:35).
Because God’s character is consistent (Malachi 3:6), every one of Jesus’ actions flowed from his gentle heart. He was gentle when he allowed himself to be “crushed for our sins” at the cross (Isaiah 53:5). And he was gentle when he tossed the greedy money changers out of his Father’s house.
Gentleness, according to Jesus, is controlled strength.
One commentary defines this fruit of the Spirit as “the right blend of force and reserve. [It] avoids unnecessary harshness, yet without compromising or without being too slow to use necessary force.” Ray Stedman write it is “real strength, but it does not have to display itself or show off how strong it is. This is what our Lord beautifully displayed [when] he described himself as ‘meek and lowly in heart.’”
Through Jesus’ example, we see that God’s kind of gentleness expresses itself in both silence and boldness. As we listen to his Spirit, resting in his gentleness and allowing him to direct and empower us, we’ll learn to:
– Entrust ourselves to God as our Defender
– Treat others (and ourselves) with kindness and respect
– Speak the truth in love
– Uphold wise personal boundaries
– Handle conflict constructively
Myth 2: Gentleness Is Just for Women
As a woman who’s spent my life in Christian circles, I know 1 Peter 3:3-4 like I know my own name. In fact, these verses used to form my primary framework for understanding God’s call to gentleness — “Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God” (NLT).
So, is gentleness just for women then?
Gentleness in Jesus’ Life
When God took on flesh, he came to us as a man — still fully God, now also fully human. By his own description, as well as his interactions with people, Jesus revealed his gentle heart. If God the Son is characterized by gentleness, it can’t possibly be a quality he intends primarily for women.
It’s also interesting to note that 1 Peter 3:4 (above) is the only instance where the call to gentleness is specifically given to women. In other passages, Christians in general (or church leaders) are called to exemplify this quality.
“Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted” (Galatians 6:1).
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love” (Ephesians 4:2).
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience” (Colossians 3:12).
Gentleness is God’s desire for all who follow Jesus.
Myth 3: Gentleness Comes Naturally to Some People
I used to think I had gentleness down pat. As a naturally quiet, non-confrontational person, I assumed gentleness was just part of my personality. The more I study the Bible, though, the more I realize no one is naturally gentle.
Marg Mowczko says being “gentle has nothing to do with being shy, demure, passive, or weak. Rather, it involves both self-control and humility when dealing with others. It also involves cooperating with the work of the Holy Spirit.”
For both strong and subdued personalities, true gentleness is a work of God’s grace. HELPS Word-studies explains that Biblical gentleness “is the fruit (product) of the Holy Spirit…It is never something humanly accomplished (or simply biological).”
Gentleness in Jesus’ Life
In a mystery that’s hard to comprehend, Jesus modeled the same dependance on God to which he calls each of us.
“So Jesus explained, ‘I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself. He does only what he sees the Father doing. Whatever the Father does, the Son also does’” (John 5:19).
He sought the Father’s guidance through prayer. He yielded to the Father’s will in the Garden of Gethsemane. He spoke what he heard from the Father and was quiet when the Father wanted him to be silent.
In his humanity, Jesus relied on God to guide his life and ministry.
In a similar way, he calls us to cooperate with the work of his indwelling Spirit. For every personality type – introverts and extroverts – the Holy Spirit alone can cultivate gentleness in our hearts and live out his gentle strength through us.
Myth 4: Gentleness Is the Opposite of Anger
It’s easy to think of anger as evil, to assume we should never feel upset at the people or circumstances around us. Yet Ephesians 4:26 teaches us it’s possible to be angry without sinning: “Don’t sin by letting anger control you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry.”
The feeling of anger is not sinful. Like all other emotions, it is simply part of being human, of bearing the image of a God who also experiences emotion.
When boundaries are crossed or promises are broken, when disappointments mount or dreams die, when conflicts sabotage our well-laid plans, it’s natural for us to feel angry. Anger is not the opposite of gentleness.
In fact, gentleness is “the middle course in being angry, standing between two extremes, getting angry without reason and not getting angry at all. Therefore, [gentleness] is getting angry at the right time, in the right measure, and for the right reason” (Lexical Aids to the New Testament in the Key Word Study Bible).
Gentleness in Jesus’ Life
Jesus expressed anger when he walked our planet. Once, he called certain people “faithless and corrupt,” and then asked, “How long must I put up with you?” (Matthew 17:17).
Another time, while his critics watched for a reason to condemn him, Jesus “looked around at them in anger and [was] deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts” (Mark 3:5a). After reading the situation, he performed the very miracle they hoped he’d do. He didn’t fear their hatred, and he didn’t hate them back. Instead “…He left his case in the hands of God, who always judges fairly” (1 Peter 2:23b).
With a gentle heart, Jesus lived out “the middle course in being angry.” And he’s willing, through his Spirit, to teach us to do the same.
He invites us to process our emotions with him. In prayer, we can name our feelings, express our anger to him, and tell him exactly what’s going through our minds. Then in the silence that follows, he calls us to listen for his still, small voice speaking in our hearts—helping us sort out our emotions, renewing our minds with his perspective, and teaching us to live gently in each situation we face.
The Heart of Gentleness
Gentleness begins on the inside, as “an inwrought grace of the soul” (Blue Letter Bible). It takes shape deep within as we experience God’s gentleness in our own lives. When he surprises us with tenderness and compassion, our soul’s hard places begin to soften. Trust takes root as God teaches us that he’s for us. Our God-given identity starts to push out the need to prove or defend ourselves. Humility grows in place of self-centeredness.
This inwrought grace has a profound impact on our relationships — first with God, then with ourselves and those around us:
With God, gentleness teaches us to walk by faith. It helps us entrust ourselves to him when we’re wronged. It enables us to rest in the assurance that he’s always working for our good. It strengthens us to rely on his Spirit when he calls us to be bold.
Gentleness teaches us to live relationally with him.
With ourselves, gentleness loosens the shackles of self-preoccupation. Because God defines and takes care of us, we can trust him to meet our needs. We can learn to be patient and gracious with ourselves, because that’s how God treats us. We can let go of people-pleasing and people-using, because we trust the heart of God.
Gentleness gives rest to our souls.
With others, gentleness enables us to honor the image of God in every person we encounter. It leads us to be considerate and reasonable, to seek the well-being of the other person and relate to them with respect, even if they don’t treat us the same way. Gentleness sees the bigger picture — that God loves the people around us as much as he loves us, and he’s weaving redemption into every situation we face.
Gentleness enables us to treat others the way we’d like to be treated.
A gentle heart reflects the heart of God. As we rest in his gentleness toward us, our lives will grow in gentleness as well.
This article originally appeared on Bible Study Tools, 7/22/2025: https://www.biblestudytools.com/slideshows/4-myths-about-gentleness-you-may-be-falling-for.html
“I’m your follower!” announced my preschooler in a sing-song voice as she tagged along at my heels. I smiled at her candor, enjoying her company.
Then, the profound truth of her words settled into my soul. My follower. My shadow. A nearly inseparable part of my being during this life season. She watches and continually learns from me (as do her older siblings).
Our children are, quite literally, our followers. Like little disciples, they instinctively look to us as examples, teachers, and leaders. What a privilege! We have the opportunity to introduce them to Jesus, live out the gospel, and model faith in daily life.
And yet, what a sobering responsibility. I don’t know about you, but sometimes this strikes fear in my heart. What if I get it wrong? What about all the times I fall short of being the perfect parent I long to be?
In moments of worry and doubt, we need God to speak truth to our souls. Here are eight reminders that can equip us to live well as Christian parents:
1. God chose us.
No one else on this planet holds our particular job. These kids—they are ours, priceless gifts entrusted to us by our all-wise heavenly Father. He knows their hearts better than we ever will. He equips us with everything we need for the ministry of parenting.
“His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness” (2 Peter 1:3. See also Philippians 4:19 and Hebrews 13:20-21.)
2. Weakness is okay.
It’s not perfect parents (if there were such people) who raise Jesus-loving kids. It’s needy parents modeling the path to maturity—through ups and downs, continually looking to Jesus for wisdom, strength, and transformation. Our kids can learn to relate to God by watching us walk with Him.
When they see us pray, they understand God welcomes and responds to hearts of faith.
When they observe us loving and prioritizing His Word, they discover the Bible is something worth treasuring.
When they hear us ask for forgiveness and see us make restitution when we fail, they understand how to respond to their own shortcomings.
Our kids will have their own hard seasons to face, just like us. They’ll feel inadequate at times, too. As we model an imperfect but intentional life with Christ, they will gain the priceless example of authentic faith—one they can look back on in their own times of need.
“Each time [God] said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ can work through me” (2 Corinthians 12:9 NLT).
3. It’s simpler than we make it.
While rules are essential, and it’s our job to teach our kids right from wrong, Jesus reminds us God’s requirements can be summed up in this way—”Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength [and] love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these” (Mark 12:30-31).
Love God. Love people. Everything else, in parenting and all of life, is peripheral. As we learn from his heart and live from the overflow of our relationship with him, he’ll teach us what living in love looks like.
“We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19).
4. Relationships take priority.
Jesus is a relational God. He cares more about the condition of our hearts than about measurable results. He wants us to know him, not just do things for him. He cares for our souls as he looks deeper than our behavior to the emotions and needs buried below the surface.
He calls us to do the same for our kids. To value their souls and cultivate our relationship with them. To prioritize discipleship over performance. To model and instruct them in practical aspects of healthy relationships.
As we receive his tender care, we can nurture and build relationships with our kids in similar ways.
“He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us” (2 Corinthians 1:4, NLT).
5. Love works better than fear.
When fear drives our parenting choices, we often end up saying words or making decisions we regret. We act before we pray. We grasp for control rather than resting in God’s tender care. First, John reminds us, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love” (4:18).
However, as our ability to trust God’s heart grows, our capacity to walk in love deepens and matures so that “the love of Christ controls and compels us…” (2 Corinthians 5:14 AMP).
6. We are followers, too.
Jesus is our example, as well as our source of wisdom, strength, endurance, and everything else we need on our parenting journey. He invites us to know his heart and join him in his work in our homes.
In addition to learning from Scripture and through prayer, we need the wisdom of other parents, too. God designed us to learn from those in various stages and seasons, from different backgrounds and experiences, with unique gifts and perspectives.
This may look like having an official mentor, or it can be gleaned from watching how other families cultivate strong relationships and build healthy homes.
“Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:1).
7. Community is essential.
Building a healthy family takes community. As the human body needs all its parts to function well, so parents and kids alike gain support, wisdom, and encouragement from living in community with other Christians. Sharing life helps us bear one another’s burdens. It provides opportunities to know and be known. It reminds us that we’re part of something much bigger than ourselves.
“Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near” (Hebrews 10:24-25 NLT).
8. We give from what’s on the inside.
As parents, we spend our days giving, pouring out for those we love. But like nearly empty coffee pots, uncared-for souls have little to offer others. Our bodies need rest. Our souls need silence. Our spirits need space to commune with God.
The one who loves us beckons us to draw close and let him renew our hearts so we can live from the overflow.
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me, and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me, and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly” (Matthew 11:28-30 The Message).
Moms and Dads, our influence in our kids’ lives is irreplaceable. We can be the physical expression of Jesus in our homes each and every day. He has called us to this remarkable role, and He’s with us every step along the way.
This article originally appeared on Crosswalk, 02/27/2024:
Does faith deconstruction have a place in the Church? A quick Google search reveals a variety of opinions on the subject, with articles ranging from harsh criticism to strong praise.
What is faith deconstruction? Where did the concept come from and how can we be sure we’re talking about the same thing?
What Is Faith Deconstruction?
Defining deconstruction is tricky because there’s no agreed upon definition. The term first appeared in the fields of secular literature and philosophy. Britannica describes deconstruction as the process in which modern readers dissect older works to examine the language and logic, often leading to a reinterpretation of the pieces in question. In this context, truth is considered relative, merely an expression of the writer’s experience and understanding.
When viewing faith deconstruction through this lens, many Christians are concerned. If we deconstruct the Bible based on the assumption that it was written by fallible humans and not through divine inspiration, we lose the foundation of our faith. The Creeds of Christianity are rooted in the belief that Scripture is divine truth. For two millennia, Christians have looked to the Bible as our authority for faith and practice. Based on this understanding of deconstruction, many believers equate it with deconversion.
Another line of thought, however, views the process in architectural terms. Grace Ruiter explains it this way, “If you think of Christian faith as a home, pursuing tough questions about your faith is a bit like tearing away the carpeting and knocking out the drywall to see the bones that lie beneath. It pulls apart your beliefs to reveal what they’re made of and what holds them together.” In this context, other Christians see faith deconstruction as a positive endeavor.
For some, this type of deconstruction may look like remodeling a single room. For others, it may resemble the complete renovation of an entire structure. In both cases, though, deconstruction can honor the value of faith as people invest time and energy to see it restored.
Because the term can be used in many different contexts, it’s wise to begin our discussion of faith deconstruction by agreeing on how we will use the term.
My Experience with Faith Deconstruction
I first heard the term faith deconstruction in the architectural context. At the time, I was several years into my own spiritual renovation. I didn’t have a word for my experience. I just knew my faith needed a complete overhaul. A series of life-changing events caused me to question everything I’d believed and practiced for decades. I didn’t want to abandon faith, but I knew I couldn’t live in the faith structure I’d built without full reconstruction.
Barnabus Piper’s definition put words to my experience: “The word ‘deconstruction’ implies intentional process, a disassembling of something in order to examine its parts. It is different than ‘destruction’ or ‘dissolving’ … Actual deconstruction allows for something to be examined and reassembled or remodeled (hopefully better and stronger.)”
When my faith crumbled, this is exactly what God led me to do — to systematically evaluate my beliefs using Scripture as my guide. I slowly worked my way through the Bible, primarily looking for who God is and who he says we are as his children. Along the way, I studied other theological and practical faith topics. I learned about Biblical culture using study tools. I compared various Bible passages with each other. I considered commentaries and articles written by Bible scholars across denominations.
For me, deconstruction was a time of deep healing and spiritual renewal. Ultimately, it made space for God to rebuild a stronger faith structure.
When Is Faith Deconstruction a Good Thing?
1. When It Leads Us Toward Christ
Deconstructing can be very painful. Most who set out to deconstruct don’t decide to do it on a whim. Contrary to a popular line of thought, many Christians who chose this process are not looking for license to sin or an excuse to abandon faith.
Most begin deconstruction from a place of deep pain. Some of have been hurt, abused, or manipulated by people in the church or by harmful church systems. Others have experienced life situations which simply don’t fit within their theological framework. Still others wrestle with questions or doubts they feel unable to voice within their faith circles.
Faith deconstruction is a good thing when it helps people encounter Christ. Jesus welcomes those who are hurting. He’s not afraid of doubts or “unspiritual” questions. He loves to reveal his heart and he longs to heal the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18).
2. When It Strips Away What’s Rotten and Unimportant
In my city, our downtown district recently gained a beautiful new theater. Actually, it’s a historic theater that lay in disrepair until it was meticulously restored. Restorationists combed through the building, removing what was rotten and salvaging, cleaning, and polishing all that was worth saving. The result is a stunning performing arts theater that speaks of the glories of Art Deco design.
Faith deconstruction is a good thing when it leads to a similar renewal. God desires to restore as he strips away what’s rotten, tears down the extra trappings that don’t express his heart, and rebuilds faith as he intended — life-giving and soul-mending through his Spirit (Luke 10:41-42).
3. When It Corrects Misunderstandings about God’s Heart
As I began my deconstruction, I was surprised to sense God’s favor and acceptance. My faith was in pieces. My spiritual disciplines were mere shadows of what they’d once been. I was embarrassed to admit I didn’t know what I believed.
Yet throughout that season, I never felt condemnation from God, only grace-filled welcome. I sensed his patience as I wrestled with doubts, his compassion as I worked through my pain, and his hope as he began to reconstruct my faith.
He dazzled my weary soul, and I realized I didn’t know him as well as I thought I did. Though I’d been a Christian for decades, my view of God needed renovation. He beckoned me into Scripture to discover his heart and he healed mine along the way.
Faith deconstruction is a good thing when it causes us to search for God and understand who he says he is (Jeremiah 9:24).
4. When It Moves Us into the Middle Spaces of Faith
The longer I walk with God, the more I realize how small the black and white spaces of faith really are. To be sure, God defines right and wrong in his Word. Truth is not relative. But there are far more gray areas than I used to believe.
In needing decisive answers for every theological question, we can forget that other Spirit-indwelt, Bible-loving Christians hold different perspectives. Deconstruction gives space to step into the middle. Into the freedom of not having an answer for everything. Into the tension of holding paradox gently.
Jewish rabbis speak of a concept called thinking with both hands. Writing about apparent contradictions in the Bible, Lois Tverberg points out that “The rabbis simply embrace the two ideas in tension with each other rather than needing to seek resolution. By doing so, they are actually being true to the text by not ignoring passages that don’t fit their theology. They see that God alone can understand some things.”
Deconstruction is a good thing when it leads us to walk with humility and curiosity in the middle spaces of faith (Colossians 3:12, Romans 14).
5. When It Cultivates Empathy and Compassion
Until my faith fell apart, I didn’t understand the pain of a shattered life. I was quick to offer platitudes and call Christians to just be stronger. Just try harder. Just be more disciplined.
Deconstruction was God’s gift to me. Through it, and through the people who walked it with me, he began changing my self-righteous heart. He cultivated empathy and compassion in my soul. He taught me the value of listening with humility, of just being present, of loving people right where they’re at. He showed me the power of a caring community in helping people walk toward wholeness.
Deconstruction is a good thing when it softens our hearts with the compassion of Christ (Matthew 14:14).
6. When It Fosters Harmony among Christians
Differences in belief can drive deep rifts between brothers and sisters in the family of God. It’s easy to think our way of viewing nonessential issues is the only right way. We forget kindness and humility as we discuss issues of faith.
God wants us to know what we believe — to study his Word, to learn from his Spirit, to be “fully convinced in our own minds” (2 Timothy 2:15, 1 Corinthians 2:13-16, Romans 14:5). But what distinguishes us as his followers, he says, is our love for one another, not our theology (John 13:35).
Deconstruction is a good thing when it leads to unity without uniformity. Faith deepens as we celebrate what we hold in common with other believers. Harmony grows as we seek to understand why others believe as they do. Humility takes root as we learn to embrace the limitations of our own understanding.
4 Practical Tips for Walking Through Deconstruction
1. Drop Anchor
Deconstruction can be very disorienting. To use a second analogy, it can feel like drifting aimlessly in a boat with no land in sight. It’s helpful to anchor yourself during this time.
Because holding onto historical Christianity was important to me, the Bible and the Creeds were my main anchors through deconstruction. I learned to apply responsible Bible study methods so I could understand Scripture in context — with itself and with the culture in which it was written. I also evaluated my beliefs in light of what the Church has taught since its inception, considering the teachings of various denominations as I studied.
2. Look for God
God invites us to walk through deconstruction with him. Far more than a mental exercise, this process can be a time of healing and renewal as we learn from his heart and grow in relationship with him.
The main practice which guided my deconstruction was a search for God through his Word. I chose a read-through-the-Bible plan that let me study at my own pace, and then I simply looked for God, jotting down everything the Bible declared or described about his heart. The journey took me seven years and five journals, and oh, how my heart changed along the way!
3. Be Gentle with Yourself
There’s no timetable for deconstruction. God doesn’t demand that we hurry up and fix our faith so we can get back to work. On the contrary, our gentle and humble Savior desires to rebuild our faith as we engage with him — bringing him our questions, entrusting him with our pain, and learning to live relationally with his Spirit.
4. Find Healthy Community
For those who’ve been hurt in Christian circles, trusting other believers can feel like an impossible goal. Yet God intends faith to be lived out relationally. He knows the importance of being loved and received by fellow humans and he often uses other Christians as his ministers of healing.
Ask God to lead you to a safe community of believers and to teach you what indications of trustworthiness look like. This process will be different for different people. It may not always be within the walls of a church building. It may take more time than you think it should. It may even require talking with a therapist who understands spiritual trauma or joining a cohort with others who are seeking to rebuild their faith.
Be patient with yourself in this process. Don’t rush into new commitments or force yourself to engage in ways that trigger you. Simply allow your heart to be open to God as he leads you into spaces where you can heal.
Faith deconstruction has an important place in the Church. Whether you are deconstructing or walking through it with a loved one, may God work deeply within you to build a strong and flourishing faith.
This article originally appeared on Bible Study Tools, 03/28/2024:
How can Christians promote peace in a world filled with conflict? What qualities characterize those who work for harmony and reconciliation?
The theme of peace weaves through Scripture like a golden thread. Jesus left his disciples with the promise of peace (John 14:27). Ephesians describes the good news of our faith as “the gospel of peace” (6:15) and God calls Christians to “live in peace” (2 Corinthians 13:11).
But what is this peace the Bible describes? Is it the absence of hardship or avoidance of conflict? Can everyday Christians experience it, or is it reserved for a few “super saints?”
What Is Biblical Peace?
God’s concept of peace far exceeds pleasant life circumstances. The Engedi Resource Center explains, “We tend to understand it as the absence of war or as calmness of spirit. But along with these ideas, the Hebrew word shalom also carries a greater connotation of well-being, health, safety, prosperity, wholeness, and completeness.”
Like a puzzle with all its pieces in place, shalom means things line up with their intended design. A peacemaker, then, is someone who works to restore what is broken or incomplete — especially in the context of relationships.
Jesus is the ultimate peacemaker. Isaiah prophesied of the coming Messiah as the Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6) and Ephesians 2:14 tells us Jesus is our peace. His life, death, and resurrection made reconciliation with the Father possible for all who come to him in faith (Romans 5:10). Engedi clarifies, “This is the Hebraic understanding of salvation, not just that we will go to heaven when we die, but that we have an unbroken, loving relationship with God here on earth.”
Biblical peace, then, is rooted in our peace with God — beginning at salvation and growing through our ongoing connection with him. According to Jesus, we can experience this inner rest even in times of trouble and pain. “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).
7 Qualities of a Peacemaker
1. Secure Identity
Since we have peace with God through Jesus, we can experience a growing peace with ourselves — regardless of our past mistakes, our current struggles, or the opinions of others.
This describes our identity as God’s children — regardless of what our emotions or other people tell us. As his acceptance takes root and we learn to own our God-given identity, we can extend his peace to others. We can live loved instead of needy, at rest instead of striving, secure instead of desperate for others’ approval.
When our hearts are at peace, we’re free to live as peacemakers.
2. Welcoming Attitude
A welcoming heart forms the core of peacemaking. In Romans 14, God tells us how to relate with Christians who practice their faith differently from us — with acceptance. Blue Letter Bible explains that acceptance involves extending friendship and granting access to one’s heart. It’s like leaving the door unlocked so our friends can walk on in. It’s the kind of welcome that’s easy to offer those who are like us, but hard to extend to those who are different.
And yet, because God has accepted us, we’re called to welcome others in the same way (Romans 14:3).
To live as peacemakers, we must understand how God welcomes us, because when we live accepted, we have acceptance to give others. This welcoming heart equips us to promote peace in our relationships. It helps us communicate with curiosity and a desire to understand. It teaches us to cultivate healthy conversations where people feel heard and not shut down — even around subjects where we disagree.
3. Intentional Purpose
In Luke 1:78-79, we read that Jesus guides our feet into the path of peace. To guide, as Blue Letter Bible says, involves removing any hindrances which block the path toward someone. Jesus took away the obstacles which stood between us and God. He paid for our sin and purchased our freedom so we could draw near to the God of peace (Ephesians 3:12).
As his followers, we have the privilege of guiding people to God, too. “All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation” (2 Corinthians 5:18). When we help people overcome the obstacles blocking their path toward God (both non-Christians and believers), we are living as peacemakers.
4. Humble Heart
Humility shows up repeatedly in Bible passages talking about Christian unity. (See Romans 12:3-18, Ephesians 4:1-3, Philippians 2:1-11 for starters.) Often misunderstood, humility isn’t self-deprecation or self-hatred. On the contrary, humility holds an accurate opinion of oneself. Romans 12:3 instructs, “Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us.”
Jesus used humility to describe himself (Matthew 11:28-30). Philippians 2:6-8 shows what this looked like in his life. He knew his divinity but chose not to “use it to his advantage” (Philippians 2:6-11). Instead of holding himself aloof, he became one of us. He served in both menial and miraculous ways as he brought his peace to earth.
When we, like Jesus, are secure in our God-given identity, we can love, honor, and serve others from a heart of humility. We’re free to work for peace, regardless of the response we may receive.
5. Healthy Boundaries
We can only love well, however, when we maintain healthy personal boundaries. Jesus modeled boundary setting as he lived for his Father’s pleasure alone. He prioritized secluded time in prayer. He didn’t heal every sick person in Israel, and he didn’t allow the crowds to dictate how he conducted his ministry. Through his example, we see that healthy boundary setting is rooted in obedience to God (John 5:19,30; 8:28).
Knowing our limitations, being committed to God’s call on our lives, respecting ourselves as images bearers of God – these essential choices help preserve the peace of our own souls. Only when our hearts are at rest can we live as effective peacemakers.
This takes deep reliance on God’s Spirit to help us discern when to sacrifice and when to say no. As we learn to live for his pleasure, graciously refusing to be controlled by others’ expectations, we’ll have his peace to extend to others.
6. Life-Giving Speech
“The tongue has the power of life and death,” Proverbs 18:21 reminds us. As peacemakers, life-giving speech forms a crucial aspect of our calling. Through our words, we can help others find peace with God and live in harmony with each other.
What does this look like? It’s seen when we’re slow to argue (2 Timothy 2:23-24). It shows up as we prioritize listening and understanding, with an aim toward harmony (Romans 14:19, James 1:19). It leads us to respect and honor one another (Romans 12:10, 1 Peter 3:15). It helps us to pursue justice, to love mercy, and to walk in humility (Micah 6:8). It marks our speech with kindness and truth (Proverbs 3:3, NASB).
All these actions come from the empowering, transforming presence of God’s Spirit within us. As we live connected to the Prince of Peace, he forms his character in our hearts, giving us peacemaking words to share with others.
7. Doing What We Can
Romans 12:18 reminds us that ultimately, making peace is bigger than our personal choices: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Peacemaking always involves more than one party. Just as it takes two or more to disagree, it takes two or more to create harmony. God calls us to do our part — to extend welcome and work for peace, to walk in humility, set healthy boundaries, and speak in life-giving ways.
Sometimes, though, others are unwilling or unable to meet us in a place of peace. In these situations, we can rest, knowing we’ve done what we can. We can pray for harmony, wholeness, and restored relationships, and then entrust our circumstances to the God of peace.
Peacekeeping or Peacemaking?
Keeping the peace and living as peacemakers are two very different lifestyles.
Keeping the peace looks like avoiding conflict, dodging hard conversations, or ignoring broken situations. It sacrifices healing for surface happiness and often leads to shallow friendships and the absence of real connection.
True peacemaking, however, prioritizes God’s kind of peace (Romans 14:17-19). Peace rooted in restoration with God. Peace that promotes wholeness. Peace that mends and leads to flourishing.
As we walk with God, he’ll teach us to discern the difference and show us how to work for his kind of peace.
When Life Isn’t Peaceful
Even though we’ve been reconciled to God, enjoy a new identity, and are equipped to spread his peace, sometimes our own hearts are in turmoil. How do we live as peacemakers when difficult seasons overwhelm us? When circumstances break our hearts? When we or others set in motion events that cause deep brokenness?
The Psalms are full of raw prayers from people wrestling with similar questions. David cried out, “My soul is in deep anguish. How long, Lord, how long?” (Psalm 6:3). The sons of Korah wrote, “My tears have been my food day and night, while people say to me all day long, ‘Where is your God?’” (Psalm 42:3).
Right now, we live in the space between the cross and Jesus’ return. He’s building his kingdom in hearts around the globe. He’s restoring and mending and making things new. But life here is still broken. Creation still groans. Humans still wound one another. Sickness and death still invade without warning.
Jesus’ promise of peace beckons us back to the Prince of Peace. He calls us to bring our authentic selves — pouring out the thoughts and emotions, the questions and doubts, the anxiety and agony raging in our souls. This honest place can be holy ground as we can experience Immanuel — God with us — in the middle of our pain (Psalm 116:7, Hebrews 4:16).
Psalm 42 gives a beautiful example of the psalmist processing his inner turmoil in God’s presence. He acknowledges his pain to the Lord (verses 3, 9-10). He asks himself probing questions (verse 5a, 11a). He remembers God — who God has been for him, and the love God has lavished on him (verse 6-8). And as the psalmist pours out his heart, hope once again takes root in his soul (verse 5b, 11b).
As we allow God to care for us in the deepest part of our being, mending our brokenness and forming his character in our lives, we’ll experience growing peace in our souls. This peace in us will overflow through us, equipping us to bring his peace to our everyday spaces.
This article originally appeared on Bible Study Tools, 02/19/2024:
Mary and Martha paint a vivid picture of two very different siblings. Busy Martha was a hostess at heart. In Luke 10:38-42, we see her welcoming Jesus into her home (something she did on more than one occasion). While Jesus taught his disciples, Martha bustled about her kitchen, working hard to prepare a meal worthy of her King. Driven by a taxing to-do list, Martha’s many acts of service left her anxious and distracted.
In the other room, Mary took a different posture. She joined Jesus’ disciples on the floor, sitting at his feet as a learner. Enraptured with this Teacher, Mary hung on his every word. She, in contrast to her sister, seems the picture of peace. Even when Martha accused her of laziness and told Jesus to make her come help in the kitchen, Mary stayed quietly in her seat.
Then Jesus came to her defense. “‘Martha, Martha,’ the Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed — or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her’” (Luke 10:41-42).
When reading this passage, it’s important to remember both women loved Jesus. Both called him their Lord (Luke 10:40, John 11:32). Both offered him their worship — Martha through her hospitality, Mary through anointing his feet with perfume (John 12:1-3).
When Jesus corrected Martha, he didn’t condemn her or say her service didn’t matter. Instead, he pointed to the turmoil in her soul. Her restless heart revealed a deeper issue — she was missing the point of following him.
We, too, can easily get sidetracked, confusing busyness with fruitfulness, thinking Jesus wants our service most of all. But the sisters’ encounter with Jesus points to a different way of walking out our faith.
What Is the One Needed Thing That Mary Chose?
Jesus boiled down what really matters to a single decision — but what is it?
Was it Mary’s choice of simplicity over Martha’s fancy preparations? Did Jesus praise her because she made room for him in her busy schedule? Are we to follow her example by making sure we have a daily quiet time with God? While these are important practices in the life of a Christian, a closer look at the big picture of Jesus’ ministry points to something fundamentally different.
Martha was busy doing things for Jesus, while Mary focused on receiving from him.
Ultimately, the one thing Mary longed for was Jesus himself. Centuries earlier, the psalmist David expressed a similar heart cry, “One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple”(Psalm 27:4). The apostle Paul later echoed the sentiment, “I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ” (Philippians 3:8).
Mary, David, Paul, and others had a single-hearted passion to know God deeply. And in gaining him, they received the source of their souls’ satisfaction.
As Charles Spurgeon said, “If you have the Holy Spirit, you virtually have all good gifts, for the Spirit is the earnest of God’s love, the pledge of joys to come; and he brings with him all things that are necessary and good for you.”
What Do We Receive from Him?
Throughout his time on earth, Jesus called people to come to him and receive all he brings to the relationship. This isn’t a one-time experience, something we merely accept at salvation. On the contrary, he beckons us to cultivate the habit of turning to him continually.
In John 7:37-39, Jesus invited thirsty souls to come to him for living water — the ongoing life source that flows from his Holy Spirit. As we enjoy continuous fellowship with him, he produces his abundant life within us.
In Matthew 11:28-30, Jesus called to the weary and burdened, offering rest for their souls. By learning from him and getting to know his heart, we experience the inward peace Mary enjoyed as she sat at his feet.
In 2 Corinthians 5:21, Paul described an astounding exchange — Jesus took our sin and in return, he gave us his goodness. When he perfectly kept God’s law, he did it as our representative. Through faith in him, we’re not only forgiven, but we also receive credit for all the good works he did.
Also in 2 Corinthians 5, Paul taught that we receive a new identity when we place our faith in Christ (verses 17-18). No longer should we define ourselves by past failures, others’ opinions, or the work we do. We are friends with God, reconciled by the work of his Son. We’re beloved children who have confident access to his heart and his ear (Romans 8:15, Galatians 4:5-7, Ephesians 3:12, Hebrews 4:16).
In John 15:4-8, Jesus explained that we receive the ability to bearhis Spirit’s fruit through our connection with him. Being loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, and self-controlled — these virtues aren’t up to us to produce for God. Instead, through our yielded lives, his Spirit freely bears his fruit in us (Galatians 5:22-23).
In 2 Corinthians 5:18-19, God declared that he’s given each of us a beautiful life purpose. Ours is the joy of helping others find friendship with God, too.
In Philippians 4:19, Paul proclaimed that from God we receive the satisfaction of all our needs. Do you lack wisdom? Go to God (James 1:5). Strength? Draw from God (Philippians 4:13). Provision? Ask God persistently (Luke 11:5-13). Healing? Look to the God who has healing in his wings (Malachi 4:2).
What about Serving Him?
Mary discovered that Jesus called her to relationship before service, but this doesn’t mean she sat idle every day. All through his Word, God calls us to action, instructs us to be diligent, and warns us to take seriously the spiritual battle in which we’re engaged. Ours is not a complacent faith.
So how does this relate to receiving from him instead of doing for him? How can we live busy lives from hearts at rest?
The core issue depends on where we look for our source. Are we trying hard to be good for God? Do we measure our spiritual health by the number of commitments on our calendar or disciplines we maintain? Are the opinions of others (or our own expectations) the standard by which we live? If so, we’ll likely burn out or grow deeply resentful along the way. The soul rest Jesus promised will be an elusive dream. We’ll find ourselves trapped in a Martha kind of restlessness.
If, however, we continually return to Christ as our source, learning to wait on him and draw upon him for our every need, we’ll find the inner peace Mary experienced at Jesus’ feet.
An old hymn entitled Channels Only beautifully describes the life of a fruitful believer living from a heart at rest.
“How I praise thee, precious Savior, That thy love laid hold of me; Thou hast saved and cleansed and filled me That I might thy channel be.
Channels only, blessed Master, But with all thy wondrous power Flowing through us, thou canst use us Every day and every hour.”
As a pipe merely carries water, as a lamp shines light drawn from an outside electrical source, so Jesus invites us to live from the overflow of his Spirit’s filling. He’ll do his work through us, but it will be just that — his work. And we’ll experience the joy of a life lived beyond ourselves.
Two Ways of Relating to Him
In Mary and Martha’s story, we see two patterns of relating to Jesus. Martha related to him as a servant while she busied herself with all she wanted to do for him. Mary related to him as a disciple. With single-hearted devotion, she longed to be near him — listening, learning, receiving from him as she enjoyed his companionship.
We, too, can choose how we’ll relate to Jesus. Will we be content to serve him from a distance? Or will we repeatedly draw near, listening for his voice, learning from his heart, and joining his work as we live out of the overflow of our relationship with him?
